(Closed) I'm 19…how long do I have to wait???

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll:
    You should date someone else first : (21 votes)
    5 %
    You should wait until after college : (291 votes)
    67 %
    You should wait at least a year or two : (89 votes)
    21 %
    You could get married now : (32 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 63
    Member
    2522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’m 22 (turning 23 in a few weeks), and I’m getting married the day before my college graduation, and will be starting my Masters in January, along with a job in telecommunications. My Fiance is 26, and a medic in the military.

    Personally, I changed a whole bunch in my collegiate journey. At 19, I started dating a guy that was 7 years older than me. We dated 2 years. I thought we were going to get married just because we had been together a certain period of time. Well, I realized that I was not the same girl I was when I was 19 and had no set plan for college or my career. I wasn’t sure at that point that I wanted to be a computer programmer, or that I wanted to continue with my Masters, etc.

    But when I did realize my dreams, he wasn’t supportive. And he wasn’t going anywhere in life. He had gotten out of the military and refused to get a job because he didn’t want people “telling him what to do anymore.”It was driving me mad! We weren’t compatible in other ways, either: sexually, emotionally, etc.

    After we broke up, I found the man of my dreams. He’s supportive and pushes me to achieve everything goal I want in life. Affectionate and loving. I’ve never been happier. I have no doubts.

    I’m not saying you have to date a lot of people to find the man of your dreams, but the possibilty of changing and solidifying your goals as you get closer to graduation. They may or may not line up with his goals, and you may move in opposite directions.

    But definitely finish college first. College is stressful, and you’ll feel better knowing you can contribute with a job you hopefully love!

    Post # 64
    Member
    3552 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    SO and I started dating at 16, we’re now just turned 23 and getting engaged in about a week and a half(whenever they finish putting my ring together). He has never dated anyone else and I have 1 ex Boyfriend or Best Friend who at the age of 14 never got up the nerve to kiss me so I’m not sure he counts. We spent all 4 years of college in LDR. It was very hard, but in retrospect I think it was good for us because it allowed us to grow into our own person and in a way live the single life (being independant and all that, not dating or partying a lot) and figure ourselves out. We grew as people, but we also grew in compatible directions and our relationship is very strong. Having that time where we were apart but still in a relationship was good for us as individuals. We developed our own interests and our own friends. In doing so we were able to bring these new experiences to our relationship and share something new with each other.

    In your situation I would definitely wait to get married until after college and financial independance. I might also try at least a year of LDR because it can really help you figure yourself out as a person instead of as one half of a couple. I always looked at it as a kind of practice. One of us is most likely going ot outlive the other and when that happens we are going to need a time in our life to look back on and remember how we lived without each other.

    Post # 65
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m 18, almost 19.  Getting married to my high school sweetheart in a year and a half when we’ll both have degrees (although we’ll be pursuing them further).  We also were financially stable before we decided to move in together.

    He’s been my only serious relationship, but he had one serious relationship before me.

    I don’t need anyone to tell me whether or not what I am doing is right, because I can feel that it is.  And honestly, everyone that knows us knows the same thing.

    Post # 66
    Member
    2486 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    20 and just got married! engaged the first time (same guy) at 18 but things happend-

    then again at 20 =]

    if you want it go for it-

    the only thing you have to wait for is him to ask!

    Post # 67
    Member
    488 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’m in exactly the same situation. Fiance is 20 and I turn 20 in a couple weeks, and we got engaged in August. We’ve been together since freshman year of high school and have been long distance (2 hours apart) throughout all of college, since we individually found different schools we wanted to go to. While I would love to live closer, it has really been a blessing to be 2 hours apart.

    We did break up for a month our first semester of college in 2010 because he was getting antsy about the LDR heading towards marriage. We dated a couple of other people. It helped to reassure me that if I didn’t want Fiance, I could easily find someone else, but I didn’t want to. He came running back and we have been very happy together ever since. The advantage of going to different schools is that we have been able to grow into ourselves. We made our own friends, joined different clubs, took different classes, and we always have something to talk about because we’re involved in so many different things.

    Looking back, we are both so different from who we were when we started dating at 14 and 15. He graduates next fall, I graduate in spring 2014. I figure, if we can change so much in college but still have no doubt that our feelings for each other won’t change, we can make it through anything.

    We’re getting married immediately after graduration and moving to wherever I end up going to graduate school. But if he lived here, we would definitely consider getting married before graduation since we can already support ourselves. Being financially independent is the most important thing for me. It would just be embarassing to still ask our parents for help (barring any unusual circumstances of course) when we’ve declared ourselves married adults.

    Wow, sorry this was so long!

    Post # 68
    Member
    1069 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think that you have to date around but I do think it’s important that you grow a little older first. I can understand wanting to get married and feeling right now like it’s the best thing for you, but honestly, 19 is super young! Who you are now and who you will be at 23, 25, 27, and onwards are not the same person. You might well be with the same guy 20 years from now but you also might not, you need to grow as an adult and see if you grow together or grow apart before taking the huge step into marriage.

    Post # 69
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I was 16 when I started dating Darling Husband, but I was a senior in HS because I skipped a grade. I told my dad I was going to save up$5000 and move out with my then bf when I started college. I saved up the money and moved out at 17 and a half. My dad only agreed because we would be living in the same town and he thought I would move back in a month with my tail between my legs. We lived together for almost 5 years before getting engaged, had been dating for almost 6, already shared money, bought a car together and moved across the state for grad school. So, I say do what you feel is best for you. A lot of people made snarky comments about him being my only serious bf and that I should be single in college blah blah, which is what I would probably recommend to others because most people don’t meet the one that early on in life. And I definitely have wondered where I would be/what it would be like had I dated other people and honestly I think I would be just as unhappy as a lot of my other friends who are currently single and date dbag after dbag. Oh, and I was 23 when I got married. 

    Post # 70
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    For me personally I have been dating the same guy since I was 16. We broke up twice in college for a few months each time and the single life wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be IMO! He proposed to me twice both when I was 19, I declined feeling as if people would think I was too young.. (hence the two brake-ups, lol) Any-who we got officially engaged 2 years ago at 24 and because I was still worried people would think I was too young and I wanted to go to lawschool we decided on a long engagement…. Originally we said we’d get married a year after I finish law school so around a 4 year engagement but we decided to push it up… So we are tying the knot the beginning of my last year of lawschool.. I will be 27 and he will be 28 So a 3.5 year engagement… And people still say that is young, wait till 30ish…. We figure if not much has changed from 16-26, (as far as our love for each other) I am sure 27-30 in my case and 28-30 in his case will be just fine… Do it when you feel it is right! Don’t rush it tho. Have a long engagement and see how that works…Some people do go through major transformations in college it is healthy, however if you guys are meant to be together it will happen…

    Post # 71
    Member
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Wow. Girl, you really sound like me when I was your age. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually engaged to my high school sweetheart but it took waypast graduating college for us to get here. 

     

     

    1. How long do you recomend waiting? Until I’m 21? 25? Until college is over? Get married now? 

    Please wait until you both have full time jobs/careers. People change when they get thrown into the real world from being a student to someone with full “adult” responsibility. My Fiance graduated college at the same time, we thought we were ready. But I changed alot while working. I did have a few boyfriends before my Fiance, though not as serious as him,wait this time i wanted to experience other people and life in general, then before I knew it, I did all I wanted to do and got out and partied.

    Now that I’ve done that, everything fell back into place. We were meant to be. I’m so glad I did the things I did otherwise I think I would be a resentful old wife for not being able to be young and “free” bewaste I was locked down in a LTR since I was a teen.

     

    2. Do you think it’s OK that we’ve never dated anyone else? 

    I don’t NOT think it’s NOT ok…. If that made sense. But I think you should wait. People do ALOT of growing up in their 20s and it’s just the beginning..

    Im not saying he’s not the one, I’m saying pls take your time and don’t rush if you don’t need to. Eg. A good friend of mine got married at 18 and now is 20 with two kids. I don’t have any prob with that but she always tells me tho she doesmt have any regret, she’Ll never experience waht “youth” is all about…

     

    Sorry if i rambled.. Good luck (:

    Post # 72
    Member
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Sorry if my last post didn’t make sense. Damn autocorrect on iPad!!!!!

    Post # 73
    Member
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    It’s hard to say how long you should wait but financial independance would be an important factor for me personally.  I wouldn’t find it ideal to start off my marriage living with parents or seperate because having a home isn’t financially possible.  FWIW, I was almost 10 years older than you when I got married and was much better off for not marrying the guy I was with when I was 19.  

    Post # 74
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @abeautifulunion:  You are very similar to me! When I was 18 I wanted to get married so bad! We had already been together for quite a while, I knew he was the one, why wait?

    Well, he made me wait! He had no money to buy a ring and he told me I was going to have to be patient so he could have what he had always dreamed of too.

    I’m 21 now and got engaged pretty recently. I’m not out of college yet, but I am going to graduate in May. I am SO happy that he waited! The saying that good things come to those who wait is so true.

    He graduated a year before me, got a real full time job, and saved every penny. He bought me the ring of my dreams, planned out an absoloutely perfect proposal, and told me we could get married whenever I want to. 

    If he had proposed earlier I would have had a smaller, less beautiful ring. No, the ring isn’t everything. But when you just want that ring you think that you won’t regret settling for something smaller/not exactly what you wanted, but you definitely will. I have so many friends who told their husbands/fiances that they didn’t care what the ring looked like, they just wanted it. They totally regret it now.

    Also, I know wedding planning seems like all butterflies and rainbows, but it definitely is not. Let me tell you, having two jobs to support myself and pay bills, being a full time student, working on my senior thesis for my degree, and trying to plan a wedding and deal with all of the “you’re too young!” bullcrap and crazy in-laws= NOT FUN. 

    No matter how much you think you can handle, you will be so much happier if you can plan when you are out of school. I have one easy semester (2 classes) left and I am done, and I will have about four months of just wedding to focus on. I can’t imagine if I had several semesters left and was trying to get everything together. 

    Also, had we got engaged sooner, I definitely would have had to have a long engagement, which is something I have never wanted. Once fiance asked me to marry him, I wanted to go ahead and get married right then. However, I am waiting about eight months so that I can have a beautiful wedding and not regret rushing later on. 

    I so strongly believe that people should wait until they graduate with their first degree. School and the stress that comes with it puts so much pressure on a relationship as it is. People who get married in college almost always have to live with their parents (the definition of misery in my book), give up on school so they can pay bills, or go to school at night while they work during the day (which means no down time what so ever with their husband/wife). Why add all of that extra stress onto the first year of your marriage which will be difficult, but should also be enjoyable. Who wants to look back on their first year of marriage and think “gosh I was so miserable because we were broke, I had exams, we never got to spend any time together, etc” ? Nobody. 

    Enjoy college together, and plan to get married once atleast one of you has graduated and got a stable job! If you are super impatient work really hard and do summer semesters so you can graduate in 2 1/2 or 3 years! Good luck!

    Post # 75
    Member
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    You can get engaged while in college, but at least wait until you graduate and one of you gets a job to sign the papers.

    Post # 76
    Member
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    My Mom got married at 19, and my parents celebrated their 27th anniversary yesterday.

    I would just wait to finish college so you’re a little more stable. Marriage is a big step, and I think it’s smart to be finished with one big life event before moving onto another. My Mom quite art school when she got engaged, which really limited her job choices for the future…She made sure her kids went to college and graduated so they can support themselves better than she felt she could. 

    Post # 77
    Member
    494 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @abeautifulunion:  If you can do it, I would suggest waiitng until after college. That way, you’ll have a good job, you guys can buy a house, and have a solid financial foundation. If you get married during college, the stress of college and money might just cause more fights. Not worth it.

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