(Closed) Im 21…hes 25…we shouldnt be having this problem. :/

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Sex is important in a relationship. You wont always be on the same page, but you need to understand each other. Are you wanting it 5 times a week and him only 2? Or him only 2 times a month.

You need to tell  him how you feel and see what his response is. It may be a physical problem or it may be that he loves you in everyway but the sex way- which means this is not a long term relationship

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@eeerika22:  then ask him if its a physical problem. This may hurt to read, but he may love you, just not in the way that relates to sex. I knew several couples like this, but the sex drive changed with different people.

If he was once sexual, but now not. There is a reason. If he was never sexual and no change to medications has occurred then he may just not be “that into you” even though he loves everything about you.

Post # 6
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He should talk to his doctor about it. If he doesn’t have a physical problem, then it might be as lefeymw: said and he’s not into you. Frown

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

if he says he is tired is he and is it medical that could be affecting him?  otherwise is he a morning or night person?  my husband its tired most nights and doesnt like having sex because we get up at 5.30am (for training) and its go go go all day so at night the last thing he wants is sex

it really hurt my self confidence for a while because it didnt make me desirable and i felt a failure (i mean its really not that hard to get a guy off right and we were struggling) so we changed our routine a bit and morning works much better for him

goodluck, i understand how upsetting it is

Post # 9
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Just throwing this out there – he might have depression.  I’m saying this based off of two things you point out: decreased sex drive, and feeling tired (and the fact that I’m a nurse..).  This is more than pretty common in individuals who have depression.  I think there is a way greater chance that this is the problem than him not finding you sexually attractive. 

Post # 10
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Has there been any major schedule changes in your life? I say this because that is what Fiance and I experience from time to time. Whenever one (or both) of us go through major schedule changes, sex just isn’t number one on our radar. Among the things that rank higher: sleep and food. We are just literally too tired sometimes, especially Fiance. He works an insane amount of hours each week and normally only has 1 day off, so yeah, our sex life is in a bit of a slump because of it. The best thing we have done is try to spice things up – lingerie, new things (lotions, etc). That way, if it piques his interest enough, he forgets that he is exhausted for a little while.

 

Post # 11
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

P.S. I kind of doubt he doesn’t find you attractive if it was so hot & heavy before, unless you like grew another head and are grossly hairy now. LOL. I really think it may be something medical or schedule related.

Post # 13
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I felt like I should chime in here and say you are not alone… I’ve had this problem with my Fiance for a while now.  When we first got together we had sex a few times a week and all was good.  But as time went on we went longer and longer without and neither of us really noticed at first.  But once I started to realize how long we were going without I felt a lot like you and it hurt and it created a lot of resentment in our relationship.  Not that I’m an overly sexual person but Fiance is very much not… I would like to have sex like once a week and he could go a few months and not even bat an eyelash.  But I learned that he shows his love in other ways like cuddling, holding hands etc (and telling me all the time how much he loves me).  To him sex just isn’t a high priority in our relationship since we spend a lot of meaningful time together other times.

It took a few blow up arguements for me to get my point across of sex being a higher priority for me and for him to voice his feelings about how stressed he is and tired all the time (he works a ridiculous amount of hours and an opposite schedule than me) and that when he comes home he just wants to BE with me and relax… To him sex isn’t a relaxing thing, yea it’s fun but it is work.  I’ve gotten used to us not having as much sex and he makes an effort to initiate it more often and we’ve figured out how to make it work for us, the sex isn’t as great as it used to be but we’re working on it and we’ll get there.  The point is we are both working on it and we have to be honest with eachother.

Some things that I think contribute to Fiance not being as sexual as he used to be are some weight gain, poor diet, stress and working long hours… Does your Fiance have any of these things going on?  That could be the problem, so talking to him about those things (in an open and honest way without accusing him of anything) might help start the conversation.

Just remember to keep your head up, your SO loves you, and him being this way has nothing to do with you.  But you do have to figure out if this is just how he is and if he isn’t willing to change/work on it then you have to ask yourself if you can/want to live like this forever?  And be honest when you answer that and tell your SO the answer, he might not know how important this is for you.

Post # 14
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@eeerika22:   I mean it probably IS a medical issue. He obviously loves you!

Post # 15
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Stress can have a big effect on a guy.  You said you noticed that it’s changed in the past month or so.  Sounds like he is dealing with something.  Maybe try to approach him calmly and ask if something is going on in his life because you have noticed him acting differently.

Post # 16
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My bet would either be stress, or, if he works a lot, he really is extremely tired. The thing is if that’s the case, he has to realize how this makes you feel and make time for you. Was there a schedule or a life change around the time this started happening? 

The topic ‘Im 21…hes 25…we shouldnt be having this problem. :/’ is closed to new replies.

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