Post # 1
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, as the title says we have a 13 year age gap.
We have lived together for a year and a half and we’ve had no problems and our relationship is going very well – we both like each other’s families and friends, and my friends are very fond of my boyfriend. My family have started referring to my boyfriend as my ‘partner’.
He sold his business just before he met me and he’s working 7 days a week from home setting up his new one, and I’m an apprentice with under a year left.
We have talked about getting engaged but there are a few reasons why it can’t be right now, such as his work (wanting the business to be more established to finance the ring/wedding) my family (he is concerned that my family won’t approve due to my age) and that it is difficult to surprise me with proposing as I talk about it often (Which is spot on, I am the worst at surprises!)
I have talked to my family about it and they are supportive of an engagement but they want me to wait until I am 25 to actually get married. Mother family members are suppprtive of a marriage as ‘it’ll be fine’ and they can’t see it not working.
Also others have made the comment about me always acting older than my age, which is true – at 14 I was living like a 21 year old etc.
He says he is sure about our relationship and that I am his future wife, he does want a nice wedding and he says he doesn’t want me to have to have a less than perfect big day due to current finances.
Unfortunately I’ve had a lot of upset and hurt in the last year from family trouble and maybe I’m just looking for something good for me to focus on.
However this waiting time is driving me nuts, absolutely crazy and I want to go away! My boyfriend says it might be within a year if things go really well, he says it won’t be a holiday and that it’ll be it’s own special day.
In the meantime I’ve made a list of things that I want to do while I’m still young and I’m ticking one of them off in summer by hopefully working at two festivals (I get to go for free!)
Post # 2
You’ve been together for 2 years–I wouldn’t classify that as waiting. Be patient and live life.
Post # 3
If he is the love of your life, why does it matter if you wait 2 years or 200 years? Love is love, enjoy it. The more time you spend anxious and worrying about marriage, the less time you’ll enjoy your relationship.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club
Robotbot: first of all; congrats on having such a patient and loving partner, and having such a supportive family. Their support speaks volumes as to how they view you and your maturity.
My grandparents have like a 15-17 age gap (i dont remember my grandma’s age). AND, they are alive and still together, through thick and thin.
Do not worry to wait a few more years; TRUST ME, they will go by SO FAST! especially since you are busy with your apprenticeship. Enjoy these moments as a Fiance/girlfriend; it will be truly missed, HAHA!
Post # 5
invisabee: Last time I checked there wasn’t a minimum time to be with someone before you are “waiting”. They’ve had the conversation about the future; she’s waiting. Robotbot: Try to enjoy this time while you can! It’s fun being a girlfriend and enjoying each other before the stress of wedding planning. It’s great that you’re ticking off your bucket list while you wait. Have fun!
Post # 6
Evanstobe: To each their own. So YES in my opinion after two years I wouldn’t consider myself waiting even if we did casually discuss one day getting married. People discuss possibly getting married all the time; doesn’t mean it is about to happen in the near or immediate future (I believe her BF said it might happen within a year. So I stand by what I said. If you don’t like it or don’t agree *shrugs* oh well!
Post # 7
Robotbot: Don’t let age be a factor for anyone. My FI and I are 17 yrs apart and granted, it took both of our families to come around, but everyone is excited about our wedding. Hang in there. A forced engagement can only lead to trouble.
Post # 8
I’d be leery of the age difference at this point and would wait until at least 25, like your family encourages. It’s only been two years. What’s the rush?
Post # 9
Robotbot: I think your bf is correct in that he wants to feel like his job situation is more established. I think any guy wants to feel like they can properly provide for a family. Starting up new businesses are hard, I don’t know where you are but in the US they take an average of 3 – 5 years to hit profitability. In the meantime, I think it’s awesome you’re focusing on things you can do for yourself until that day comes. I’d lay the engagement talk to rest – sounds like you two are devoted to each other, but if you keep talking about a proposal it’s going to make it hard for him to ever surprise you. I think it’s super super awesome your BF wants your proposal and your wedding to be special – so trust him and let him guide you, he sounds pretty mature and has a good head on his shoulders. Keep focusing on all the good stuff in your life – like having a great bf! – and the rest will come!
Post # 10
First off, don’t let other posters try to convince you what counts as “waiting.” If I’m being perfectly honest, I’ve considered myself “waiting” since the beginning of my relationship (14 months) because SO and I had talked marriage even before making the bf/gf relationship official and have known each other for years. So yeah, I would say you’re waiting. 🙂
Second, I know waiting sucks, but your SO is definitely doing right by you by wanting to wait for financial situations to improve. You will be far less stressed if you wait until you’re done with your apprenticeship and he has his business off the ground. That’s really the only reason SO and I aren’t engaged yet. You don’t want to start off an engagement or a marriage worrying about finances or debt if at all possible.
Third, don’t let people discourage you by pointing out the age gap. I know people with larger age gaps than you and your SO, and all that matters is how you and he feel about it. I have plenty of friends who got married before 25, but looking at statistics, the divorce rate goes down dramatically if both partners are at least 25. Yes, 22 is pretty young to get engaged, and at 25, I’m only now feeling really ready about engagement and marriage. In fact, studies show that people’s brains don’t actually stop developing until age 25, so their preferences can still change.
But at the end of the day, every relationship is different, and it’s all about what works best for you and your SO. There’s no single golden standard that fits all relationships. I would say stay positive, and just enjoy the relationship as it stands. You know you have the right person and have all the time in the world to be with each other, so don’t feel rushed to get engaged. Time will fly in your early 20s, believe me! And before you know it, you’ll have that sparkly on your finger!