(Closed) I'm 27, on disability, and embarrassed. I'd love some encouragement :(

posted 5 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I know there are some medications available to those with social anxiety issues. Have you seen a doctor?

Post # 5
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@AquaGrey8962:  I’m really sorry you’re going through this.  One thing that has helped me in the past is counting all my blessings instead of focusing on my perceived shortcomings.  You have a Boyfriend or Best Friend who loves you as you are. That’s a huge blessing.  Stop lessening his love for you by saying he’s “stuck” with you.  I’m sure there are many wonderful qualities about you and things in your life that you can be thankful for and lift your spirits.

Post # 6
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with you PP, OP, he is not “stuck” with you, he loves you.  Being at home doesn’t make you a bad person, there are a lot of people right now without jobs so people shouldn’t be so quick to judge someone who is out of work.

Just keep plugging with your new degree and if people mess with you and tell you that you are ugly, tell them to f off!

Post # 7
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

In addition to meds, I would strongly recommend seeing a counselor on a regular basis to work through some of this stuff and to practice some skills that may help to build your resilience for when awkward or difficult things happen to you. It sounds also like you are dealing with tremendously low self-esteem, which certainly seems like it would make all those conditions worse.

I think it is a wonderful idea for you to continue with your degree. You should know that not everything is going to go perfectly with that — but that school is a place for you to work hard, practice, get better, and hopefully feel good about your capacities. I know that money is tight right now, but I would also recommend that you find a hobby — something that you enjoy doing and are interested in getting better at. This will also get you into more social situations, but in a way that hopefully makes you feel comfortable and in control.

One more thing — remember that everyone else is dealing with their own little issues too. I know the “sugar daddy” comment hurt your feelings (and I can see why), but consider it from her perspective — she didn’t know you, she asked what for many is an innocuous conversation starter, and then realized that she’d hit an uncomfortable topic. It’s possible that the “sugar daddy” comment was her attempt to be light-hearted and to change the subject, and that SHE felt super awkward about it later too.

Obviously this may not be the case — maybe she was intentionally trying to be nasty — but just to help you feel more “normal” in that other people feel socially anxious sometimes too. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

People are friggin cruel.

Post # 9
Member
6212 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

=( I think that being a nutritionist would be a great job for you! When someone says something like that, just smile and say “Yep! Isn’t he awesome?” because seriously, a lot of people WISH they didn’t have to work.

If strangers ever do something like that to you again, you have to have a prepared response so that you don’t seem like an easy target. If someone starts being mean to you and you say “wow, you’re a bitch.” or “pipe down!” they’ll probably leave you alone

Post # 10
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Do what makes you happy, as far as college, but see if you can investigate careers that you can do from home.  I had a friend with a similar issue and when she became successful in her at home job, the confidence she got really turned her life around.  Lots of love and luck!

And lots of people suck.  Try not to take their negativity to heart!  You’re awesome, believe it!

Post # 11
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You seem like you have a plan, which means you’re not a loser by any means.  Having a plan is something real losers don’t have — they are just aimless and don’t CARE.  You care, and you have a plan.  I think it’s great you want to help people some day!

I like to focus on things that people can do and ways that people can change.  Since you said you want to help others, have you thought of volunteering?  Since you’re not working, you should have time to do something for others, and I bet you could find a place that would allow you to come in “whenever you had time”, meaning you could choose whether to go or not depending on your mood/feelings that day.  

What are your hobbies/interests?

Post # 12
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

You are still so young and have an entire life ahead of you. Consider seeing a counselor, psychologist…something of that field, about your anxiety problems.  You’d be surprised at how much they can help you with your problem to cope with the real world besides falling back on meds to try to get you through day to day. Try herbal remedies and diet. I’m a firm believer of that instead of meds.  

Post # 13
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry you’ve encountered such rude people.

As for the woman who made the rude “sugar daddy” comment, it’s she that should be embarrassed for putting her foot directly in her mouth, not you!

I’m also sorry to hear that your social anxiety has been limiting so much of what you want to do. Just remember, you are not your career. Don’t try to base self-worth on a career, that’s a bad idea for anyone. Know who you are… what you stand for… what makes the way you think unique and important… what your ethics are. These are what make you an important human being and I’m betting that they are the reason your boyfriend is in love with you.

It’s probably not always the case, but I’ve noticed that the flip-side to more sensitive people is that they tend to be a lot more in touch with their humanity/the bigger picture/creativity.

I’ve heard of outgoing people being called “sunflowers” and very sensitive people being called “orchids”. I think it fits. Orchids are superbly beautiful but they do take extra care.

Now I’m somewhat in the middle… but I’m slightly introverted too, and I used to be more sensitive to rude people when I was younger. I think of myself as an orchid that has developed a nice, sturdy, woodsy stem. I’m a mutant orchid, basically. lol!

I recommend it! Becoming a “woodsy orchid,” I mean. I have a lot of fun the way I am, which is not like a “sunflower,” but able to stare down any “sunflower” who tries to tromple on any of my delicate petals. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with extroverted people in general, but I can’t stand bullies and I will put them in their place! Some people automatically look for the sensitive people to pick on, by the way, they’re natural bullies. That’s why the girl at work picked on you in particular, not because there’s something wrong with you, it’s because she saw your delicate orchid blooms and wanted to damage them. This is HER flaw, NOT yours! She is a damaged sunflower and she really wants to damage other people in return. She’s choosing orchids on purpose because they are easier to harm due to their delicate beauty.

I wish I could summarize how I got here (woodsy orchid) in a simple way that could easily be transferred as useful information to you. I would say it was mainly two things: Courage and age. As I got older I began to care less and less what people thought of me. Maybe because I understood better how little they “got” me or the world so how much their opinions were just random and not important. But courage was also a big factor. There’s learning and practice involved. You can’t get these by sitting on your couch feeling the pain of shame well up because that idiot woman made such a silly comment. You can only get these by going to another party, and hoping for another opportunity for someone to bring up “what you do,” and this time, trying to see if you can hold your gaze more firmly, your back more upright, your smile more bold, when you answer. You may or may not do better next time, it’s a path with random hills and valleys, and that can be a bit confusing. But the overall direction is upward. The more you face the thing you fear the most the more you master it… you’ll notice the pattern after months or years of effort. Actually, with consistent practice (doing one thing that scares you every day, doesn’t matter what it is or if it would scare anyone else you know), in a year’s time you will be freaking AMAZED at the difference.

I’ve had people come up to me who knew me when I was younger and marvel at my “confidence.” It isn’t exactly “confidence”… I always knew deep down I was a beautiful and special flower in my own way… it’s more like “social immunity.” Every little disapproving glance or voice tone or whatever, those things that used to bruise my petals? Now they hit lightly against my woodsy stem and I am barely aware of them. And “sunflowers” think I have become more like them….but my very important secret is that I haven’t, at all. My delicate petals are as delicate and gorgeously orchid-y as ever, it’s just that anyone who hits up against my stem never gets to look up (get to know me in a deeper way) and see all the unique beauty flowering at the top.

I hope this didn’t come across as longwinded bizarre flower prattle to you. I have a feeling that as more of a fellow sensitive type, you’re more likely to get what I’m saying. I hope you do and I hope this helps.

If the above was TL;DR?

My love and support go out to you. You are not alone. You are not broken. And this state you’re in right now is not permanent.

Post # 14
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

sorry youre going through this. don’t be ashamed to be on disability. you seem like you actually need it unlike some people who say they cant go to work cause their fingernail hurts. 

just tell people you’re a housewife in training 😉

Post # 15
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m so sorry you feel this way.

I’ve been in that boat. I had a not so pleasant childhood and it caused some serious anxiety issues with me. I have general anxiety disorder among a few other things. It got so bad a while back that I was going to the emergency room for just my anxiety alone. I would wake up numerous times every night having panic attacks so bad they would leave me vomiting or shaking the bed so hard my fiance would wake up. He was wonderful through it all and helped so much.

I went to therapy for a while and the doctors wanting to give me anti depressants. But because of my history on them I refused. They refused to give me anxiety meds due to my teenage drinking issues, even though I have no issue now. I begged for them time and time again and got nothing.

Eventually with therapy and a super super supportive fiance I was able to start to feel normal again. At least some what. There were some things that really helped (like me getting closer to my faith but I wont push religion on you) and in 6 months I was feeling much better. I still even after feeling better don’t feel like I did before the anxiety peaked and sometimes wonder if I will ever feel like myself again but it’s a work in progress. It takes time but there is a way out. Even if you opt to not have medication.

But medication is great for many people. It helps a lot of people feel back to normal. My issue is that medication doesn’t work at all for me the way it’s supposed to. Say I take bennadryl, most people it would make sleepy, but with me medication has the reverse effect and it wires me. Same thing with anti depressants, they make me depressed. But I’m a freak of nature when it comes to meds so I stay away.

Try to really work on it in therapy. My therapist told me I was one of the best patients he had because I did everything he said. I did it because I genuinely did not want to feel that way anymore, I was tired of wasting my life being so miserable so I worked so hard and it paid off.

I know it sounds corny but possitive affirmations really help with anxiety. They kind of re wire your brain.

I still have anxiety from time to time but not nearly anywhere close to how I was before. I’m supposed to be on disability for a couple of medical issues but I wont do it because I have a child and I am too stubborn to let someone else take care of me. As hard as it is to go to work sometimes I force myself to and when I have to call in my boss understands.

As far as school goes, that’s great. I would recommend doing a few online courses first. It helps to get you back into the school work but in the comfort of your own home. That way you can get into it and when you’re ready go into the classroom. There are ways to do it. And you can do it, just don’t give up. Envision yourself where you want to be 5 years from now and focus on that. When you have to overcome your fears remember your goal for 5 years from now and let that push you to do what needs to be done.

Post # 16
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

There is no normal. 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me or how I live my life, but I know a lot of people who wouldn’t make the choices I do. 

The topic ‘I'm 27, on disability, and embarrassed. I'd love some encouragement :(’ is closed to new replies.

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