(Closed) I'm 32, married, and a teacher…is it worth it to try being fashionable?

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 138
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t like button down shirts as a layer, so I would have worn the blazer with a simple T or light shirt with a necklace, like this:

Post # 139
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Hun, just remember one thing, it is the person who make clothing and accessories shine.  Every women deserved to be pretty. Smile

 

To start with, you can still wear black pant with colorful top  (not tight top).  You can wear wedge to lift your height, a few inches make a different and can make your body look longer.  A nice hair cut can also make you look leaner as well. Instead of necklace, you can wear cute bracelet. As for your bodyshape, you can start from eating healthy and drink plenty of water.  I noticed as soon as I start drinking water with lemon, I feel leaner… also I don’t crave for food as much.  I eat when I need to.  

 

 

Post # 140
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

@peachacid:  This is what I meant before when I said you need to get to therapy. I was not trying to be mean. You really sound like you have issues with self esteem. 

You can tell from my posts I’d give you an honest opinion and I don’t think you look bad at all. You have a perfectly normal body. Basically 100% of people that looked at your photos thought the same. You are they only one ripping yourself to shreads.

Are you really saying you know better or can see something secret that the 100s of women that replied can’t see? If not, it follows logically that the problem lies in your self perception. You even say you sometimes think that your husband married you out of pity and these thoughts are brought on by the fact that clothes don’t fit you the way they fit a size 0 model! When you take that thought and examine it rationally, you have to see that it doesn’t make sense. If a friend told you she thought that, you would probably think she was being ridiculous. This is a sign that you have a problem and need to get a hold of your thinking. The only person that thinks these horrible things is you and you are torturing yourself for no reason. Because honestly, no one apart from you even cares that much how you look. 

Happiness and compliments will come when you are happy with yourself. What you think about yourself is what other people will perceive and think about you too. It comes across in your facial expression, posture and body language. If you think you’re ugly then you will send that message to everyone around you. I bet if you stand up tall with a smile on your face then people would have a different reation to you. 

Seriously though, get some therapy!!!! This whole thread has been full of kind strangers telling you you’re not ugly. Look at your reaction. You spent most of your replies trying to convince them they are wrong. You don’t need reassurance, what you need so to get rid of that negative, nasty inner voice!!! It has to change inside you. As someone that went through self esteem issues herself after being bullied badly at school, I know what it’s like to think terrible things about myself. Therapy seriously helped me so much and it could help you too. Then you might actually be able to stop torturing yourself. As soon as you can change that negative internal voice, you’re life will start to turn around. Just imagine the weight off your shoulders if you could stop beating yourself up and feel good??? 

Post # 141
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

@peachacid:  Oh gosh from your description I was imagining some horribly disproportioned body, but you look good!! You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.

First I would suggest finding well-fitting pants. In black. It’s difficult, because everyone has different body types but pants are often cut for some body measurements I have never seen IRL. It looks like your pants in that photo are too tight at the hips (hence the wrinkles), but they fit otherwise. You might want pants with a waistband at the hip bones, so that material can add width to your hips and thus accentuate your waist (which you do have, BTW).

If you can’t find pants that fit you well, into into buying pants that fit your legs and getting the hips taylored. It’s not as expensive as you might think and it solves all your problems.

As for tops, I would go with more structured pieces. Stetchy clothes suit VERY few people, and even at that, they rarely look stylish. Invest in some high-quality timeless pieces. They will cost more but will last for years if you take care of them. I used to buy expensive clothing; now I laugh at a $100 top, but my expensive tops that I bought 12 years ago still look new. Instead now I buy cheap tops that last 2 years max and don’t look as good. It’s a silly but common habit.

Shoes are difficult, because it’s the little details that make them look stylish, so I suggest going shoe-shopping with a fashionable friend.

There’s a lot to looking stylish, but once you get the hang of it, dressing nicely is not difficult. My best advice would be to go to a higher-end store for professionals and have them help you find clothes and colours that will look good on you. Colours are really important; my colleague wore this top the other day and all I could think was wow! That colour makes her look AMAZING. But I have no idea how to determine what colours look good on people, so that’s best left to the professionals.

As for whether you should care, well, it’s up to you. For me, dressing well makes me more confident, and that probably goes a long way as a teacher.

Post # 142
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

@peachacid:  Ok, so just to illustrate my point one more time. You new photo. You outfit is nice and totally appropriate for a teacher. The only think ruining is it the expression on your face showing the world how much you hate yourself. If you were happy and smiling in that photo you’d look gorgeous. 

Post # 143
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I’d recommend investing in a really nice cut blazer (BCBG, J.Crew, Zara, etc).  My usual look is a blazer with a flowy top paired with slim cut ankle pants and either boots or flats/loafers/oxfords and a bright scarf.  Personally, i don’t really wear cardigans, I prefer the structured look of a blazer.

Post # 144
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Great job with the blazer and necklace!! It’s a solid look. 

I think so many Bees here are freaking out because you describe yourself as this hideous round monster….but then you post a picture of yourself looking fabulous.  Our reaction is “WTF? This lady looks good, what the heck is she talking about?” The hair is good, the glasses are good, the makeup is good, the outfit is good, your figure and face are great.  I totally think women need to derive less of their self-esteem from appearance and we need to be accepting of different body types…but your appearance is very nice by traditional beauty standards.  

Post # 145
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you need Stacey and Clinton, you need a therapist for your body image issues.  Honestly, you’re saying even necklaces don’t look right on you?! It’s a necklace – it hangs off everyone’s neck the same way.

The most fabulous wardrobe isn’t going to look good to you if you don’t change the way you see yourself.

Post # 146
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@peachacid:  I am a teacher too and I know the difficulties!  I found that if you wear a high scoop/round neck shirt with a long necklace (or scarf) and dress pants, it looks nice.  I do not usually do v necks with necklaces because yes, it does look odd.  Go stock up on different colors of the high round necks and some long necklaces and you will have tons of different options.

Post # 147
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee

@peachacid:  I like this visual for necklaces

 

I also don’t think you are “round” – I was picturing an apple-shape. I think you are more of an athletic body type, or what is referred to as “rectangle”. Me too! I think this article does a great job explaining: http://blog.coldwatercreek.com/tag/84/body-shape

Since I’m not very curvy, I try to define my waist using styles like a belt (put at your natural waist and it wont fall) or just simply buttoning one button of a cardigan at the waist. 

Try some flat boots with leggings or slim jeans. I am taller than you, but my mom is petite and both her and I love the Minnie Pant from JCrew. I treat it like a legging and wear with a longer cardigan. Toss on some cute flats and you are good to go!

With your credit from Banana, try these (in the petite section!):

Sloan pant (either full length or ankle)

Wrap dress – http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=12076&vid=3&pid=945011002

Long cardigans (LOVE, esp with a belt) – http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=51430&vid=3&pid=934428012

Long necklace (pretty much goes with anything, very lightweight)- http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=33455&vid=1&pid=932240002

Adorable pointy toe flat – http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=37921&vid=1&pid=932918002

 

 

Post # 148
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Girl, you are wayyyy too hard on yourself!! I want to crawl through the computer and give you a big hug. 

Definitely second the people who have said to go to LOFT and try to find a nice person there to help you out. They always have a ton of sales, their sizing runs a little big which is good on the ego, and their clothes are stylish! Long open cardigans sound like they would be a really good choice for you. I am pretty sure they have a teacher discount! Lots of stores do.. J.Crew and LOFT are the ones coming to mind right now, but I’m sure there are others. 

 

Post # 149
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@peachacid:  I agree with previous posters that your body does not look like what you think it looks like.

Since you mentioned Stacy and Clinton, I’ll assume you were a fan of their show What Not to Wear.  I LOVED that show and I hope they reached and helped a lot of people.

One of my favorite philosophies of theirs was that if something doesn’t fit or doesn’t look right, it’s the fault of the clothing, not your body’s fault.  I have carried that with me for years trying on clothes.  If something doesn’t work, it’s “Oh well, that was not the top/dress/pair of pants for me.”  No need to make trying on clothes into a moral or pass/fail type of issue.  It is seriously a really powerful perspective change if you can make it!

Post # 150
Member
10650 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@peachacid:  Does your mall have a style consultant?  Here, they just ask for a donation, but it’s otherwise free!  Look in the mirror and smile at yourself.  Tell yourself you look good.  You’re being too hard on yourself.  Even if you don’t mean it, it can help shift your attitude a bit.

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