(Closed) I'm 32, married, and a teacher…is it worth it to try being fashionable?

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 122
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@peachacid:  Pretty safe choice! 🙂

Here’s an example of a Y-necklace. It is great for moments when you feel like it’s a solid-coloured everything day. I usually wear a round or curved neck sweater over a buttoned shirt, then add a beaded Y-necklace.

Post # 123
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am a teacher to be (still in school), but I understand the need to dress conservatively. Does your school allow you to wear jeans? As for pants, try to find a cut that fits your body type. For me, it’s 6 misses, bootcut, midrise (though I still have a non-flat tummy), tall or average (depending on the brand). For tops, layers are amazing for adding color and comfort. You can wear patterned camis or tanks underneath cardigans, you can even wear button down shirts underneath cardigans or v-neck sweaters, wear color palettes that look great with your hair color and skin tone, and wear ballet flats or comfortable low heels.

For a month, when people complement you say thank you, smile, and mentally repeat the complement to yourself (without adding that they are “just being nice”). They could also have “been nice” by not saying anything at all, but they did. That counts for something! Don’t dismiss complements. Technically, you are calling them liars (even to yourself) when you dismiss their complements. We have imperfect bodies, even supermodels are photoshopped to “perfection!”

Find a therapist in your area, and talk to him or her about how you perceive yourself.  I understand that you do see yourself as “round,” but just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s true! A therapist can work with you so that you can eventually see yourself as you are without the harsh criticism. She can help you see yourself realistically.

Post # 124
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

P.S. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is an amazing tool.

Post # 125
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I work in a school. I wear dresses and tights with cute sweaters and pretty patterned scarfs!

Post # 126
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

@peachacid:  Hi! I saw your post and thought “Oh wow, she sounds like me, short round, and fashion-challenged.”

Then I saw your pictures. Hello? Are you crazy?! You are not round in ANY sense of the word! You’re slim! I’m barely 5’3″ and roughly 260 lbs, give or take. I am the round one, I’d upload a picture of me, but I don’t have a big enough mirror in the house. You’re just a lil bit curvy, but NOT in a bad way.

Boot-cut pants do wonders to hide any perceived imperfections for body shapes, mine included. You couldn’t pay me to wear straight legged anything. Boot cut pants, along with a bootie or low-heeled shoes with an ankle strap to elongate your legs. Shoes ‘flop’ off of my feet too, so I either stick with boots, sneakers, or find something with an ankle strap.

Also, cute tops with scoop neck look nice–you can wear necklaces with those. Try a smaller necklace, like a simple chain and pendant. I have done this a few times, and I’ve got a short neck too.

Give yourself some credit–some of us would LOVE to be as tiny as you are! There’s nothing wrong with trying new outfits. Start small and work your way up. A couple of nice simple necklaces, then black/gray/navy pants with a cute top. From there you can gradually add in pops of color like a ruby red, or a sapphire blue shell top.

Sorry for the semi-long post, I just couldn’t believe that you really thought you were a bowling ball. You’re not!

Post # 129
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Hey, I think we have the same body type! Are we long lost sisters?

I’d only bother changing if it would make you feel better. I’ve sort of given up lately. But… meh… I’m 30 and I’m sick of beating myself up over stuff like this. I just want to eat nice food and drink nice booze and snuggle with my pets instead…

PS Still think you are thinner than I am in those pics…

Post # 130
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@peachacid:  I just wanted to say you are NOT round like a bowling ball.  Please don’t be so hard on yourself.

For some fashion comes easy like second nature for others it may take a bit more effort. 

PP gave great advice. If you lived near me I’d love to take you shopping!

I think the key is finding pieces YOU feel great in – when you feel good in something it shows.

Don’t necessarily pay attention to fashion – it’s all about personal style and wearing what complements your body type.

You can definitely find ways to revamp your wardrobe if you want to 🙂

You can do this, good luck!

 

Post # 131
Member
208 posts
Helper bee

I’m going to comment on what a lot of other people have already said.  You have an unrealistic perception of your body.  You are not round at all.  Aren’t there other teachers that you can look at to get some basic ideas from?  When I was in HS, all of my teachers were ACTUALLY round.  Maybe I am sensing a bit of a self esteem problem?  Just remember that your husband married you not only because he thinks you are awesome, but because he is sexually attracted to you.  You sexy, sexy mama, don’t you forget it!

I naturally tend to go for outfits similar to yours and even less dressy, but living in a city, I’ve had to change my style just to fit in.

I have a few tricks so that I don’t have to think too hard about getting dressed, but I still look good.  These may or may not work for you, but I wanted to maybe give you some of my lazy-style tricks.

Have 2 or 3 nice shoes, which can really make an outfit.  My go to shoe is a gray flat with an ankle strap.  I also can’t deal with shoes flopping off, no matter how many anti-slip things I put into my shoes it doesn’t work.  I need straps or boots.

It looks like I have an hour glass shape because I made it that way and clothes fit very well.  I wear padded bras, nothing crazy, but adding a half cup changes the way clothes look on your body.  Maybe you can try this?

For bottoms, a few nice dark wash jeans, and a few straight leg or boot cut pants will match anything.  If you have straight legs jeans you can tuck them into high cut boots, so I always have a few for boots.

Try to find shirts or cardigans that are longer.  Something that “cuts” your butt in half.  This can help create an illusion of being longer, leaner, and having smaller hips and a butt.  Not that you need it, it’s just something I have found that looks less casual and takes the eye away from my mid section.

I also find it easy to stay in neutral colors (blacks, tans, browns, whites) and do one pop of color.  I usually do this with a cardigan or do a neutral cardigan with a bright top.  I would stay away from stripes as well because they can make you look wider than you are.

So I included a picture of the shoes that prevent the annoying flopping

And a picture of someone with an apple shape (which I’m not convinced you even are) with a long cardigan and a long gold necklace.

ALSO- I’m not sure where you usually shop, but I found that at places like LOFT or Ann Taylor, if you ask someone to help you, they will outfit you and find things that fit your body.

I don’t even have trouble outfitting for my body type, but I went there once because I needed work clothes for an office setting after working in retail for years, told them my budget and how many outfits I needed, and they made me look fabulous (This was at LOFT).

Post # 132
Member
4691 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@peachacid:  Girl, I love you for posting this. I am 21, married and a high school teacher. 

so, many, sweaters. And scarves. Sigh. 

check out Hello, gorgeous blog. She has inspired me (for when it’s warmer…)

http://hello-gorgeous-blog.blogspot.com/

 

Every time I visit her site, I buy something though. Very dangerous!

Post # 133
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@peachacid:  Honey, you are beautiful and slender. You just can’t see it. You need a big jolt of self-esteem and self-confidence more than you need fashion advice. All the fashion advice in the world won’t make you see what we all see. 

Try writing down 3 nice things about yourself every day, and try to turn your negative thoughts into neutral thoughts – not positive, just neutral. Have you ever tried counseling? I think that would be very beneficial for you. I won’t get into my personal history here but let me tell you – reading your posts is like hearing myself think 10 years ago. I do understand. Please PM if you want to talk more.

 

Post # 134
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

@peachacid:  Scoop necks are like this:

and this:

And shoes that you could wear would be like these boots or sandals (with ankle straps):

Post # 135
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@peachacid:  This is a pretty cute outfit! 

The long necklace doesn’t really work over the striped cardigan, but it WOULD work over a solid sweater or other top, it’s only the buttons/stripes that make it not work- it’s otherwise really cute and would liven up a solid top while elongating your torso.

I echo the other PP who said that they pictured you having a very different build from your first post- and I was still coming down here to comment because I absolutely believe it’s possible for *any* build to be dressed in an attractive and flattering way! But you’ll have a much easier time doing so than you think- you’re a perfectly normal size and shape for which plenty of cute clothes will be readily available wherever you live.

A bra that fits you really well (I’m not saying it looks like whatever you’re wearing there doesn’t, I’m just guessing that since most women don’t wear the right size bra + you sound pretty uncomfortable with shopping/your body, it’s probable you haven’t been fitted in a while, and your size does change over time) is a good start, and from there, I would start by trying on some styles you’ve always rejected even trying in the past. You might be surprised by what looks good!

It’s really easy to wind up with a very narrow definition of what you “can” wear, and sometimes for silly reasons. I remember as a kid hearing my mother say she couldn’t wear dangling/chandelier earrings because she has a short neck (this is actually true, she’s 4’11 and they would drag on her shoulders) and I just assumed that must also apply to me. Imagine my delight at 23 when I tried on a pair of chandelier earrings received as a bridesmaid present and they looked amazing on me! 

Likewise, I always thought I couldn’t wear leggings because I have a big butt and hips proportionate to the rest of my frame. Well, it turns out with a tunic top and knee-high boots, leggings emphasize the slenderest part of my legs, and they’re also crazy comfortable.

The outfits you pictured above are perfectly nice- I would probably unbutton the top and bottome few cardigan buttons, and try a necklace that lays just inside the v-neck, as this will make the cardigan lay more flatteringly and also create more of a curvy sillhouette. 

Dresses are also a great option- there are an infinite number of styles, so some kind will be flattering, and although they look very put-together, they’re so easy in the morning- just pick one and bam, you’re done. You can always add leggings or tights underneath for cold weather, and boots or flats work with tons of styles.

I hope you take some of the encouragement in these comments to heart. I really do think the problem here is more one of self-confidence than anything else. You have a perfectly normal body, and “32, married, teacher” does NOT have to = never feeling good about how you look again.

Post # 136
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@peachacid:  You will only look like a cowgirl in boots if they’re cowgirl boots.

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