- 3 years ago
I was thinking about creating an alias to post this topic, but so far the hive has accepted me for who I am with all of my qualms and questions and self-doubt, and so I figured to just continue being a real person for this question.
I am not a “pretty” bee and I never have been. I have always told myself that, although I’m not physically pretty, I have a really pretty heart and, in the end, that is what really matters. I’ve always managed to get myself by with telling myself that. Now all kinds of doubts are creeping in related to engagement/wedding pictures. My FMIL (who is not very nice to me) keeps making a big deal about how I need to find my “wedding body.” I’m definitely not a skinny minnie, and I know that and don’t need to be reminded. I’m 5’ tall and wear a US size 10-12, and although that size might not seem “big” to my almost 6’ tall cousins, when you are a full foot shorter, it feels like a huge difference. My FI is one of those people who could eat night and day and never look overweight. He keeps reminding me that his parents are telling him that you “will never look better than you will on your wedding day”, and now HE is asking me how WE are going to “transform our bodies.” Ladies, I have tried my whole life to drop the weight. I’ve dieted and I’ve worked out regularly- but this is just the way that my body is built. I have the short Japanese frame from my mom’s side, but the big hipped, big boned structure from my dad’s Caucasian mix side. I’ve always been this size… but I have a huge heart! (Ah, see, I’m doing it again). Let’s just say, all of the sudden I’m having a hard time hiding from my body image issues. Unfortunately, in wedding pictures my “huge heart” won’t be captured. Just my huge face.
I’ve read through many posts on this site from brides with similar concerns about the way they will look on their wedding day. I guess that a common piece of advice that I’ve seen is that pictures won’t emphasize the size of the bride, but will capture how “in love” the bride and groom are. Here is where I am starting to freak out a little. I don’t know if we are “in love.” I mean, absolutely don’t get me wrong, we totally love each other. There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for him and I know that there isn’t anything that he wouldn’t do for me. He is absolutely my person. I just don’t know if we are “in love.” Its not like we have just fallen into a rhythm where we are comfortable with each other and so marriage is just a title. We have decided not to live together until we get married (not that there is anything wrong with that). We don’t see each other every day, etc. We both come from very conservative cultures, so for us, this is the cultural norm. But- we don’t ever show PDA. In front of other people, we sometimes hold hands and hug (quick hugs- no lingering hugs), but never anything more. On my birthday this past year he gave me just a peck on the cheek in the kitchen when we were doing the dishes (and we thought that we were alone), and my sister was there and made the BIGGEST deal over it and ran around screaming and proclaiming it to everyone who was there. I was so embarrassed. I’m not looking forward to “kissing the bride.” I mean, really, can’t we just shake hands or something? He kisses me all of the time, but not in front of people! My friend just got married and keeps showing me her wedding pictures and stating “look at how in love we look.” There are all of these deep passionate pictures where they are gazing into each other’s eyes. Ah! No! I don’t think I could gaze into his eyes. No way. Not without cracking up. I mean, I’m really worried about this so we have practiced staring contests (first to laugh loses), and I just can’t do it. And there is NO way I could hold a kissing pose in front of a camera. We don’t even kiss in front of our dog! There is just NO WAY. We love each other, but I don’t know if that love can or will be captured on film. I don’t know if we are IN LOVE with each other. How the heck is my massive body supposed to be trumped by these pictures capturing “our love” when I don’t think that we look in love to people on the outside? Honestly, people on the outside think that we are siblings. Our wedding pictures can’t capture THAT. It’s just weird.
On Monday we have a conference call set up with our (very expensive) photographer. I understand that “expensive” is a relative term, but when my FI and I were talking about weddings before we were even engaged, he had mentioned that good wedding photos are the most important thing to him. With that said, we signed with a photographer that we both loved, in spite of the fact that her services cost more than I would have ever thought to pay for a photographer. On Monday we are supposed to decide if we want to add engagement pictures to our wedding package (for an additional $500). I love her engagement pictures so much and conceptually I’ve always thought that I would want engagement pictures, but now that it is getting about time to make the decision, I’m definitely playing the avoidance game. I’ve sent over a ton of “Save the Date” pictures with just the couple’s dog to my FI, somewhat in hopes that he will agree to just take pictures of our pup on our own and I can avoid these pictures for a little bit longer. I know that I’m just delaying the inevitable and that EVENTUALLY our wedding day will come and I’ll be forced to kiss him in public and take these pictures, but for now, I’m just focused on making the decision as to whether to purchase an engagement session shoot or not.
If it were you, what would you do? Engagement pictures or no engagement pictures? Any advice for “looking in love”? Do you think that it is bad that I don’t feel “in love” with him, but still love him to bits and pieces? How would you handle body image issues in pictures?
I can’t tell you how I appreciate you- I don’t know how I would survive without the hive!