(Closed) Im a bit torn

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I have her in my wedding?
    Yes.. she is still your sister : (7 votes)
    8 %
    No.. payback is a B*@$# : (74 votes)
    82 %
    Other (please explain) : (9 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    If your sister didn’t have you in her MASSIVE bridal party cos you weren’t gonna fit into a Vera Wang dress, she has no right to expect to be in your bridal party! She sounds incredibly shallow! If you want her in your wedding ask her, if you’re doing it cos you feel like you should – Don’t! You certainly don’t owe her anything, especially if she’s going to treat you so poorly!

    Post # 4
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    That’s horrible! I can’t believe she would treat her own sister like that! She had 14 bridesmaids and defintiely had room for you. I would never ask her to be in my bridal party. She does not deserve that honour as she has treated you horribly and put you in a really awkward position at her wedding. If you feel you are close now and this is behind you then go ahead and ask her, but if it still hurts you and you still feel like there are issues between you two then I would just let her attend as a guest and not mention anything. I’m so sorry you were treated like that!

    Post # 5
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee

    Don’t do it out of obligation, she will only stress you out! I myself have a sister I am not close with and I know the hurt that can linger from being “wanted/accepted” by your sister. My advice is to be content with the relationship  you two have and leave it at that. I don’t think all sisters are meant to be close and you don’t have to have her in your wedding just because she is your sister. It sounds like her being there will be just the right amount of presence for you that day. I hope that helps and good luck, you’ll make the right decision!

    Post # 6
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t have a sister, so maybe my opinion doesn’t matter as much.. but the only bridesmaids I want are people who I love and accept for who they are! They certainly are not there out of any sense of obligation.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    1940 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would ask her if she wants to hand out the programs 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee

    Haha – great idea EvaBostonTerrier – that would be awesome!

    Post # 9
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    lol program passer outer.

    Don’t ask her just because you think you should. You shouldn’t.

    Post # 10
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Hellllll no. Your bridal party is supposed to be people who love and support you. She does not sound like she will be passing out loving supportive vibes. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Unless you WANT her in your party, don’t ask her.  It sounds like she would just cause more drama anyway and end up making your day (and the days leading up the wedding) a nightmare.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I would try to base your decision on how you feel about her and your relationship NOW. not based on past events (although what she did to you was really crappy, and you deserve to be hurt about it, for sure).   If you WANT her to be in your wedding, and if you think having her in your wedding will make the day more meaningful to you, then ask her.  If having her in your wedding isn’t going to make you happy, then you shouldn’t.  I doubt she’s EXPECTING to be in the ceremony.  The day is about surrounding yourself with people you love and people who will enhance your joy.

    Do you have other children in the family?  Maybe her kiddos could be in the wedding, and then you could feel like you are including her….and maybe it will help continue to improve your relationship.  But again, if you don’t want her kids in your wedding, don’t feel obligated.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    I agree with the others.  And maybe you should misspell her name on the invitiation.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I think it depends.  I wouldn’t want to stir up trouble if it were me, so I voted “other”.  I think you probably should try to be the bigger person, but you should not have her in the party.  So I would try to find a way to exclude her without being as obviously mean about it as she was.  So say you have three best friends- just choose those three and no one else, that way you can gracefully say “Oh, I’m just having my three best friends- the four of us are inseparable!” or something.  If you also have a big party and it’s something like all your sisters except her, your friends, a cousin or two, and you dog walker, but you still exclude your sister it will look classless.  Don’t ask her to pass out programs or anything passive aggressive like that.  The best revenge is showing everyone that you are better than her.  Think about it- do you want people to come away from your wedding thinking that you were a beautiful, elegant, kind and classy bride, or do you want them to come away feeling awkward and uncomfortable because you used your wedding to dredge up old hurts and get your revenge.

    Like I said- you don’t have to have her in the wedding party.  I don’t think I would have her in my party if it were me either.  However, don’t make a big show about it.  Just pick a small party of people who mean a lot to you, and don’t do anything to emphasize that your sister is not there.  Don’t go around telling the story, and don’t try to publicly humiliate her (as tempting as it may be!)

    Post # 15
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Bridal party members are {theoretically} those people that are closest to you.  You and your sister =/= close, therefore I wouldn’t ask her.  I personally wouldn’t want someone like that sharing the most intimate time in my life.  And in my opinion, it has nothing to do with “being the bigger person,” it comes down to the people that mean the most to you, and it would seem that your sister isn’t one of those people (which is totally fine lol,  I don’t want that to come off as a bad thing lol).

    Post # 16
    Member
    226 posts
    Helper bee

    I think having her in the wedding will cause more drama. Although she might cause drama because she isnt inthe wedding. However my response to her would be “you arent really in my day to day life so therfor I dont see the need for you to be in my wedding”… 🙂 but thats just me

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