Post # 1
I’m getting married in May 2011…but I’m a bridesmaid for a bridezilla who is getting married in July 2011. She calls me up in the middle of the night to talk about her wedding. She constantly compares what she’s spending on stuff vs. what I’m spending. I haven’t called her in 2 months because I dont want to deal with her and the constant stream of craziness that comes along with her. I didn’t invite her into my bridal party because I can’t deal with her “me-first” attitude. When she asked me to be a bridesmaid I told her that I would have absolutely no time for anything and that the most she could expect of me is to just show up in a dress with hair and makeup done. I’ve got my own wedding with 250 people just a couple of weeks before hers, I mean COME ON! I’m already overwhelmed with just my own stuff!
Last night, she called me and said that she could accept the fact that I didn’t want to be involved in her wedding, but that she demanded that I plan her bachelorette party. She picked a weekend that was 3 weeks after my wedding, so I HAD to be home from my honeymoon by then, because that was the only acceptable weekend for her to get it done and not stress over it. She also provided me with a guest list, contact information, the name of a hotel she preferred, the number of the booking agent, and a place to get custom t-shirts. I thanked her for the information, told her that I wasn’t her Maid/Matron of Honor, and that I think she should “provide” all this information to her Maid/Matron of Honor. I also told her that my honeymoon was not yet settled and I was not going to plan my return trip based on her “target” date for her bachelorette party!
She got mad at me and hung up in a huff. I dont know what to do, I feel bad, but I’m almost ready to resign as a bridesmaid. I can’t deal with her anymore, but I really can’t help her with what she wants! If I bail out as a bridesmaid, she probably wont speak to me again. Right now, I dont know if I care. Am I being too sensitive? Thoughts?
Post # 3
Okay, I recognize some of this is a vent. But you did ask for advice and I’m going to give it to you straight. I’m sympathetic but this is my honest assessment.
Is your friend being unreasonable? Yes. Are you contributing to the problem? Yes. And therein lies the problem.
-If you don’t like her calling in the middle of the night, why do you answer the phone? Why don’t you turn off the ringer? Call your family and your besties and tell them that for the time being, if there is an emergency in the middle of the night, to call you on your cell phone. Or FI’s cell phone (and trust me, if there was an emergency and they couldn’t get you on the landline, they’d call your cellphone anyway).
-If you don’t like her comparing what you’re spending, why does she know how much your stuff costs? It takes two to have the conversation. The next time she does it, bat your eyes and say, “Oh it’s too nice a day to talk about money–how about them Mets?” And move on. Or just tell her point-blank, “You know, I’m not really comfortable mixing money and friends. Can we please change the subject?”
-If she calls you to demand a bachelor party, then instead of beating around the bush just say NO. And it’s a little too late, but instead of making this a contest between your honeymoon and her bachelorette party, you could either a) lie and instead of saying that you *might* be on honeymoon, just say that you ARE and therefore cannot do the planning or b) just be direct and say, “You know, I can’t plan a bachelorette party–I don’t have the time and I dont’ think that’s fair to you. I want you to have a good one and I’m not the person who can give you that.”
Yes, she is being crazy. But you are letting her get away with crazy. You have to take some responsibility for your own fate and while I don’t think it’s necessary to resign being her bridesmaid, it’s probably best that you distance yourself a little bit.
Post # 5
Be honest and tell her that you just can’t be in the bridal party, it doesn’t sound like you have the time or want to be so I would be up front and tell her you just don’t have the time. If she ends the friendship just be prepared for it.
Post # 6
The only way to do something about this situation is to actually do something about it besides complain behind her back. I know it’s easier said than done b/c she’s going crazy and putting you in a really tough position, but you aren’t helping things by letting her do this.
She’s nutz if she thinks you will plan her bachlorette party from your honeymoon, which is what will end up happening since no one commits or books anything until the last possible second. So whoever is in charge needs to be around right before the party to answer questions and organize things. Also, she should have NO involvement in the party, she shouldn’t be able to say where it is or when it is or anything about Tshirts.
You need to tell her that you can’t plan the party and might not even be able to come and like you originally said, you completely understand if this means you can no longer be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 7
@JennyW1: I completely agree with you. I am also a bm in a wedding 4 weeks after mine and so far she has been very reasonable.. I guess because she is a bm in mine too