I'm a bridesmaid and my boyfriend is not invited

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I just wanna throw it out there that two people can both be wrong. 

The bride is certainly wrong in how she handled it. How she SHOULD (bc I see a lot of “shoulds in these responses) have handled it doesn’t necessarily mean you handled things on your end correctly. If she hinted your boyfriend would be invited and he was present at pre-wedding events then, yes, she SHOULD have invited him. 

That being said, maybe she got ahead of herself. In the fun of thinking and talking about the wedding she didn’t realize the practicalities and by the time she did it was too late. I also think the length of your relationship with your boyfriend has an impact on how wrong she is here.

Whether your reaction is right or wrong depends solely on what you want. Will you not attending the wedding hurt your friend? Yes. Will it  make things worse between the two of you and cause an end to the friendship? Most likely. If your backing out is to make a point or get her back for her poor manners then I guess you just need to consider the cost. Even if she realizes what she SHOULD have done won’t necessarily mean she will overlook the hurt of not having one of her best friends at her weddings. You should talk to her. Try to see things from her side instead of villainizing her and making the worst of a crap situation. 

Post # 47
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I mean, everyone saying the Bride is wrong does not change the fact that you will lose her as a friend if you don’t go to her wedding.  Even if she ends up admitting that you are right and she was wrong, out of her own embarrassment she would probably avoid you.  

So you need to decide what is more important. Being right or keeping the bride as a friend? We internet strangers can’t weigh those options for you. Honestly if she were a really close long term friend, I would pull her aside afterwards and be like dude, not cool, but let’s move on from this. 

Maybe she thought y’all are such good friends that your relationship can withstand a bit of rudeness, whereas some family members with whom she is not as close as she is with you, their relationship can’t?

Post # 49
Member
11960 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

sunshinebabe If she is being this disrespectful of your relationship I wouldn’t attend whether or not he was invited. 

In what context did she say all this? Is there a reason she feels this way about him or was it just about him attending the wedding? 

Post # 50
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

sunshinebabe :  I’m sorry. you don’t need to be friends with someone like that. 

Post # 51
Member
8266 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sugarcloud :  

Yes indeed. Bride clearly got it wrong and she got it wrong by  following the idea of “I know how easily family guests add up and that friends and plus ones often need to be cut ”  as akshali2000 : put it .

As has been said many ,many times here, you start by working   out the people you really want and the people  who have to be there  and then find  a venue to meet that .  

In this case OP’s friend clearly believed she could easily and without consequence ‘cut’ OPs bf  regardless of etiquette OR   friendship . Well she was wrong again. 

Post # 52
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

 

in that case, it seems like a bigger issue. I’m sorry this happened to you, that’s very mean ☹️.

Post # 53
Member
623 posts
Busy bee

Thats ridiculoius. 

 

You have reacted fairly to her rude and stupid behaviour. Some people forget manners when it comes to their wedding. And the way she is treating you now afterwards shows the kind of friend she is. 

Post # 54
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It seems like so many brides are doing this these days. They book their venue before making a complete guest list and then when they actually write out the full guest list they realize oh crap we can’t afford all these people so they cut plus ones. It’s irresponsible and rude ESPECIALLY to cut the bridal party’s plus ones.
You are not messed up for doing this. She has to deal with her irresponsible planning with the guest list.

Post # 55
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

sunshinebabe :  What your friend did was 100% wrong you just don’t do that to people especially your bridal party. The bridesmaids do so much for the bride before and after the wedding , giving your bridal party a plus one should not be a question.. I am sorry you are going through but do not feel bad , she owes you an apology and she needs to make things right with you… 

Post # 57
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

sunshinebabe :  I completely agree and this honestly could have been avoided I was a bride myself and this could have been handled a lot better , I had a handful of people cancel the week of my wedding after they already RSVP’D saying yes and i went crazy trying to find replacements , I called a few of my single friends and told some i had a few cancellations and if they wanted to bring a friend/guest i did not mind… Who’s to say this would not happen to her? I am sure she will be short a few heads in the end and realize she could have made room for your SO and this situation could have been sloved… She sounds really selfish and a bridezilla , how does anyone expect you to take a long trip alone and go to a wedding alone when you clearly have a boy friend.. It’s brides like this that really tick me off and for anyone to say she didn’t do anything wrong? just WOW! put yourself in this situation how would you feel??? 

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