(Closed) I’m a Bridesmaid and my boyfriend’s not invited

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If the only reason she isn’t a fan of him is because of your break-up, then I think it’s not her place to say whether you can bring him or not.  If all the other wedding party is allowed to bring a guest, than I don’t think she can single you out. Plus, I doubt she will actually have a lot of contact with him during the day!

Post # 33
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I really don’t agree with this ‘it’s my day’ attitude.  Sure, it’s her wedding, but that doesn’t mean the bride gets to be selfish or act any differently than she would normally behave if she were throwing any other party.  I don’t think her reluctant agreement to let him come was very nice either.  If she cares about your friendship and this guy hasn’t done anything mean to her, then she should be happy to invite your boyfriend even if she doesn’t like him.  It doesn’t sound like he’s going to make a spectacle of himself or anything. 

Post # 34
Member
5 posts
Newbee

wow that is just mean. I get you broke up and I get she is stuck in the can’t forgive him and be protective of you phase. But as your friend she should support your decision. And if everyone is bringing thier boyfriends and you want to bring yours do so. If you hadn’t broken up he would have been invited no questions asked. Well if you are willing to let him back into your life don’t you think your friend should too? Otherwise what kind of a friend does that make her? She plan on always making your boyfriend feel unwelcome? I know it is her wedding day but it is just mean to exclude only your boyfriend. You might want to tell her that. This really is about the fact that she isn’t happy you are dating him again and it is an issue that will come up again unless you deal with it and I say the sooner the better. Cause who you date is your decision, not hers. 

Post # 35
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Honestly, in my humble opinion, I think the bride needs to get over herself. If all the other bridesmaids can bring dates, you should be able to as well.

Post # 36
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We had a groomsman with a gf I don’t particulary like… but we invited her because it was fair and right, just like we’re not inviting 99% of our single guests "with guest", but exceptions were made for members of the bridal party. As long as your guy isn’t the type that the bride fears will get drunk and cause a scene (sorry, too much Bridezilla watching this week.), then I agree with others.. she needs to respect the fact that you’ve chosen to give things another shot with him and give him that same benefit of the doubt!

 

(Our groomsman broke up with said girl right before invites went out and dropped out of the wedding about a month later… so my problem was "solved" – we’re just dealing with the uneven numbers in the wedding party. sigh.)

Post # 37
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you should tell her it hurt your feelings, and try to help her understand how you two have patched things up. BUT I would NOT bring him. It is her special day and if he bothers her to the point of singling him out to not invite him, I would respect that. She loves you so much to have you as an important part of her wedding, and she probably didn’t mean to hurt you. But she probably gave it a lot of thought, and feels really strongly about it. How would you feel about having to be nice to someone you really disliked on your wedding day? Or being guilted into paying $40 for his dinner? Or having him in your wedding photo album? Having his name in her guest book? Your boyfriend may not be that bad, but he may be worse than a kitten killer in her eyes. 

Post # 38
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

This is a tough situation, but it might just be simpler for you and the bride to just let it slide and not read too much into it. You will have plenty to keep you busy as a bridesmaid, and if you spend the day focusing on being the best possible friend to her and not showing an ounce of resentment about the invite slight, it might go a long way towards the bride realizing that her reaction was a touch strong. If you and your SO handle the entire situation by taking the high road and exuding class, it could help repair the damaged relationship between her and your SO, ie “You know what, I am sure it would have been fine if SO had come to my wedding after all. We should all have dinner post-honeymoon and reconnect.” 

Maybe I’m naively optimistic or ridiculously non-confrontational. 

If it makes you feel better, you can always sign the card from both you and the SO 🙂 

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