(Closed) I'm a Jealous Friend!

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

It can be frustrating when your life doesn’t progress they way you want. I’m sorry bee. 

Post # 3
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Me and my fiancé for engaged after dating for 1.5 years his proposal to me put a lot of pressure on his friends since all of them where dating longer then us so I can feel your pain. i know it can be hard to sink in but everyones relationship is different try not to compare yours to someone elses relationship I know it can be hard but your time is coming and you want to make sure you’re getting engaged because you are ready to get married and not because everyone else is doing it. Like you said you friend got engaged before and it didn’t last… I have two friends that got engaged within a year then married and both are getting a divorce now. Your time is coming be patient! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 4
Member
39 posts
Newbee

Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s. I know that is WAY easier said then done…but you won’t be happy if you are always comparing your life to others.

Your friend is moving very fast, and who knows if that will work out for her, but like you said it’s her life!

If you want your relationship to last (which obviously you do!), you have to do things at your own speed. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

I find it judgmental that folks believe engagements after short dating is “bad”.  It’s different, but how is it bad?  Which standard do we measure this by?  Marriages back in the day happened within a month or two of dating — and no one back then even batted an eye! 

Many of the successful marriages I know happened within months of dating. My grandparents married after a month of dating–married for 65 years until my grandfather passed away.  My BFF had been married after 6 months of dating–she’s celebrating her 7th year anniversary This month.  Do we call their decisions bafly made for a love that’s couldn’t wait for society’s Approval? 

Live your life and let them live theirs.  Citing your friends backstory here doesn’t change the facts that she’s engaged and you’re not. her engagement being reasonable or not isn’t yours to tell and judge.  The number of years you dated got zero bearing on how long it’ll last.  Just count how many “anon” bees here ashamed of their marriages enough to create a fake account to ask for advices.  Read their stories and you see they’ve been dating for XX years.

im just saying vent all you want about YOUR engagement but it’s tacky to vent about her life. 

Post # 6
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Rock Island Lake Club

meglynn:  I know the feeling. It’s hard. It sucks. Just try to keep your head up, and remember that you’re in a great relationship and when your time comes… It’ll be amazing and worth the wait. 

Post # 7
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I feel you, I do.

3 weeks after my last breakup (3 years together, marriage and house talk) one of my best friends got engaged to a guy she had been dating for 6 MONTHS and asked me to be a bridesmaid.

I was at work, I remember I got up, left the office, went to starbucks, ordered a venti and cried into it for about 20 minutes. Then I put on my big girl panties, told her I would love to be a bridesmaid and never looked back (they’re now happily married with a new baby!)

Waiting is hard, especially when people around you are getting engaged… frankly I wouldn’t be jealous that your friend got engaged, cheated on, and then engaged quickly again. That’s not to say that this guy won’t last (he might be the best husband ever!) but is that the story you want to be jealous of?

Do what I did and put on your big girl panties and be happy for your friend, your time will come

xoxox

Post # 8
Member
9095 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Post # 9
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Hyperventilate:  This. 

Just live your life and do what’s best for you, and have gratitude for the blessings in your own life. I’ve been a much happier person since I stopped comparing my life to anyone else’s and started being truly thankful for what I have in my own. Life is not a race to check off boxes (engagement, marriage, house, kids, etc.) on your way to some finish line. 

Post # 10
Member
41 posts
Newbee

Oh, I know that feeling so well. We’re together for more than 4,5 years, I constantly get FB notifications, that X or Y got engaged. Even those, who never seem to be family-type persons got engaged much quicker. And I am still not engaged.
Sometimes it hurts so bad that I joke to myself, that FB should make an option “Did not get engaged”, so I would turn it on and off everyday to annoy my boyfriend and maybe make him think about proposal!

Post # 11
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I totally get being jealous. But just sit back and see how long this new relationship of hers lasts, or if it’s even healthy. 

Fiance and waited until the timing was right in our relationship and I watched one of my friends do the same thing your friend did. i am so glad we waited. 

Post # 12
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

meglynn:  Oh, you’ll get over it! It’s just a bit of a slap in the face. But you’re right, their relationship bears no reflection on yours! 

Post # 14
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

meglynn:  Have you even talked to your boyfriend about where your relationship is heading? I think that should be something you discuss if yu are already “waiting”. Years ago I was that girl. I was with my now husband for YEARS and everyone around us was getting engaged. We knew people that met, got engaged, had been married, got divorced, remarried, had children, etc… We started talking marriage a few months into our relationship, so we were pretty serious from DAY 1. At around a year or so he pretty much stopped talking about it, and at 2 years, I thought the engagement was imminent. I was wrong, and my assuming led to a lot of frustrations and it took me awhile to get over the resentment. Once I did, we had a great relationship and one where we openly communicated about our futures so there wasn’t any confusion. Bottom line is- he still wasn’t ready and it took him 6 years to be ready before he proposed. Those would have been a very miserable 6 years or we would have broken up had I not stopped comparing our lives/relationship to everyone else, and just enjoyed our life together.

Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing or comparing/judging relationships. Whether the relationships are good ones, long term ones, quick ones, etc.. it’s not relevant to YOUR relationship which should be your only focus. You’ll never know what goes on behind closed doors and everyone does things on their own time.

Post # 15
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

meglynn:  I’m pleased you’re feeling better about it ๐Ÿ™‚

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