(Closed) I'm a little worried…FI and I never argue. Is there something wrong?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We don’t really argue either. We joke around/tease each other, but very rarely (like maybe once every few years) do we actually have a big fight. Last time it was about a bookcase. Yep, a bookcase! haha

Although I would expect some disagreements when you first move in together. It’s normal.

Post # 17
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You will argue once you move in together lol.

I always used to say the same thing about my Fiance (well, Boyfriend or Best Friend at that time), that we never fought and wondered if there was something wrong. 

Once we moved in together, and spent more time together, learnt more of each others quirks, we definitely argued. Not full on screaming, throwing chairs at each other lol, but definitely more disagreements than we had prior to living together. 

 

Post # 18
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

In Darling Husband and my 5 years together, we have probably argued once. We have disagreements, but we discuss them without yelling or crying. And honestly, if he upsets me, I walk away 1) to cool down so I don’t start yelling and 2) to process whether I actually have something to be upset about.

i think you two are fine. 😉

Post # 19
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Things may change when you’re living together, especially during the adjustment period. My Fiance and I have never argued and I don’t see that as a problem at all. That isn’t to say we have never disagreed on anything, but we communicate well and find a solution quickly so it never turns into some big conflict where someone gets upset.

Post # 20
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The only thing that would make me worry is that you two probably haven’t had the experience of resolving a fight-and there will be a fight one day! In my most significant relationship before Fiance, we broke up after the first little tiff. With Fiance, I was almost afraid to rock the boat and lose him. However, we have had arguments. Nothing too ugly, but we’ve certianly disagreed. As silly as it may sound, that gives me security. I know he won’t be running for the hills at our first little issue, and I know we can communicate through frustration and stay away from low-blows and other unfair tactics.

Post # 21
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Darling Husband and I rarely argue, even after moving in together.   We know eachothers paterns in an argument, and neither is productive.  Darling Husband is an attorney and likes to argue to win.  I’m the same way, but add on confrintation issues brought on by years of dealing with my dad, and most arguements for me end up in tears.  We tend to break before anything turns into an arguement, and then reapproch when we are calmer. 

Darling Husband use to worry that we “never argued.”  His ex and him argued all the time.  Huge, passionate, yelling fights that could last days.  It was a horrible cycle that never left either of them in a better position.  

Knowing your paterns is very helpful in a relationship.  Like PPs said, if you don’t argue because you give in, that is an issue.  If you don’t argue because you have nothing to argue over (which happens a lot in LDRs) that is fine.  If you know that arguements don’t work for you as a couple, that is okay too.  If you are the type of couple that can argue until you turn blue one minute and drop it the next, that works for your relationship. 

Post # 22
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

wifetobee63:  I’ve never gotten into a full blown argument with my Fiance either. We’ve been living together for almost a year now, and in the beginning, I was wondered if there was something wrong. But nope! When you have respect for one another, you just don’t get into arguments. You’ll have disagreements, and you’ll discuss them, but never “fight”. 

Post # 23
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee

 

wifetobee63:  I don’t think its bad either way. If your relationship is working for you, then go with it.

I will say though, expect to have more disagreements when you live together. My Darling Husband and I didn’t live together until after the wedding (and we spent significant amounts of time together beforehand), and the first 3 months of our marriage was very challenging.

 

Post # 24
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Being in an LDR could be leading you to just focus on the positive when you two do have time together, which would lead to the lack of arguments. As others have said, you will encounter more differences as you progress in your relationship, and then you can see if your approaches change. That said, Fiance and I also hardly ever argue, but we’re admittedly both really easygoing people.

Post # 25
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just make sure he isn’t just agreeing with you to keep the peace. If you have a disagreement, does he stand his ground or just cave or go along?

Post # 26
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

wifetobee63:  My husband and I were long distance for 3+ years before getting married and we hardly argued. We have closed the gap since getting married in March of this year, and we still hardly argue. 

We’ve always had wonderful communication and have mutual respect and understanding for the other person. I wouldn’t be too worried about it. And nothing changed after getting married. We had a great relationship before and we still have a great relationshop after marriage. Our arguments didn’t increase afterwards. Living together after marriage has been the same as it would be when I would go visit my husband (then bf/fi) for a week or longer before getting married or him coming and staying with me when he visited. 

Post # 27
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve been living with my Fiance for 2 years now (engaged one month ago). We never really argue. We disagree about little things, but it never escalates. We’re both pretty laid back, though. Don’t believe on wasting our time on petty sh*t. Works for us, I don’t see a problem with it.

Post # 28
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

wifetobee63:  My Fiance and I also very rarely ever seriously argue. We have disagreements for sure, but not often and we pretty much just talk them out. Sometimes we have squabbles, but they last about a minute and just have to do with something silly like, which type of drain cleaner we should buy lol.

I consider us to have a really healthy relationship, because even though we don’t really argue, Fiance is very open and expressive about his feelings. So, if he’s feeling upset or frustrated about something, he’ll always say something and I know he isn’t bottling up any issues that he has. Now, I am kind of the opposite. I find it kind of difficult to communicate my feelings sometimes, and tend to overthink them. But he is super intuitive about that and will always get me to voice my issues, even if it takes a little bit of encouragement, or prying lol. In the end, we’re both really rational people and can reason our way through disagreements.

In my prior relationship, my ex and I also didn’t fight much. We pretty much never had an argument until about a month before we broke up. But that was because we didn’t communicate well, didn’t open up about things that were bothering us about the relationship. Due to that, our relationship essentially imploded. 

So, I think it’s not so much about arguing per se, but rather how you communicate and work out issues in general. 

 

Post # 29
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

Been together nearly 4 years now, living together for almost 3. We haven’t had an actual proper argument, and not because we just avoid confrontation or agree with eachother to keep the peace.

We do have fake arguments, and it does piss me off when he leaves wet towels on the bed lol… He knows it drives me nuts and I know he’s not going to change. I just rip it off the bed and whip him with it lol.

It’s fine to not argue as long as one or the other isn’t allowing themselves to be walked over just to avoid an argument.

My SO and I are just really good at seeing eachothers point of view and value the others’ opinions highly, and we do love a good debate 😛

Post # 30
Member
6291 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

We’ve been together 9 years and have had only half a dozen or so major arguments; half of those were over his bat-shit crazy mother.

I don’t think arguing is inevitable; I wish we had never had an argument. Disagreements happen all the time (well, not all the time, but you know what I mean; petty things like ‘Honey, please can you not leave the toilet seat up/the tap on while you’re brushing your teeth/the fridge door open while you’re making a sandwhich?’); but I don’t actually think you should ever ‘need’ to argue. We agree on most things; when we disagree it’s just the same as disagreeing with a friend, we have a bit of a debate, but that’s totally different to actually arguing. To me, arguing is pretty negative.

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