- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I have been married only a few months and have been so incredibly blissfully happy. My husband has been very loving and sweet throughout our entire relationship, so I was very dissappointed and shocked when I found out that he betrayed my trust.
Here’s what happened:
He had a female friend at work that was in a physically abusive relationship. He told me about it at the time (April 2011) and said that he was trying to talk her out of it and help her see that she and her kids deserved better than that. I encouraged him to help her. He would then update me once in a while about how she was doing, and expressed his frustration at times when he felt that his efforts were in vain and that she was too stubborn to listen. Finally she moved away and got married to the abusive fiance in January of 2012.
Fast forward to present day.
I found out through phone records and his admissions when I confronted him that during those 8 months of him trying to help her:
They talked on the phone hundreds of minutes a month.
Texted each other between hundreds to over a thousand texts a month.
He took her to lunch on her birthday because her deadbeat fiance didn’t get her a present.
He met her and her kid for icecream twice on his off day just as friends.
Him and several friends at work pitched in to get her farewell flowers, but he attached a personal note saying that he cherished their time together and she made his life better in many ways, and that he loved her now and always.
Now…he claims all of this was in the name of friendship and saving a girl from being in an abusive relationship. He knew at the time that it was wrong to devote that much time to someone other than his fiance, but that he did it because he wanted so badly to help her and show her that other men can be nice to her. He is very sorry.
I have texted her pretending to be him and confirmed that they did not have a physical relationship and that it never went anywhere with them because they were both engaged and she knew how much he loved me.
I want badly to believe that he did not have romantic feelings for this girl, and that everything he did was strictly because he wanted to help her. I want to believe that all the sweet things he said to her was just to prove his point that she can be treated well, not because he actually meant them. Its hard for me to believe that he didn’t enjoy the constant communication and attention they shared. He was admitted that she also gave nice compliments about how sweet and funny he was and that although it was flattering, that was not a driving force for him to continue their talking/texting.
I know that this is in the past. It ended in January. I want to forgive but that would require him fully aknowledging his faults. I feel like I can’t do that until either I believe the things he is telling me, or until he admits that it was more than a friendship that included too much talking/texting and staged sweetness to lure her out of an unsafe relationship.
What do you think? Is it possible that they were just friends and that he was getting nothing of this friendship than the satisfaction of being a hero?