Post # 1
I’ve been lurking on these boards for a little while and reading all the wonderful advise and support from everyone on here 🙂
This is my first ever post and I guess I just need to vent. I will try to keep this as short as possible: I’m the matron of honor at my sister’s wedding coming up in a month, and I feel inadequate. My sister and her fiance are pretty wealthy, and so are most of her friends. My husband and I, however, are maybe middle class at best. He works as a biologist and I am in the process getting my graduate degree (I’m not contributing an income yet). We live completely across the country from my sister, and we will be losing a week of pay to come out there and be a part of the whole thing. Not to mention the cost of flying. Don’t get me wrong; I’m extremely excited about my sister’s wedding.. I love her and her fiance is a great guy. Knowing she’s happy warms my heart.
I guess when it comes down to it, I feel terrible that I haven’t been able to do my matron of honor duties and her other bridesmaids have had to pick up my slack. On top of all this, the gifts they are getting her are INCREDIBLE. I’m talking $2,000 china sets incredible. I thought my gift was great until I heard that.. I spent three months hand embroidering a picture of blooming orchids because they always reminded me of her.
My sister has been careful of my feelings this whole time because she knows I’m so far away, so I know these insecurities are coming from me, and only me. I just can’t shake this feeling of inadequacy.
Post # 3
Trust me, a beautiful hand embroidered gift that makes you think of her is worth FAR MORE than a 2,000 china set. China is just an item, hand made gifts last forever. Try not to compare yourself to them, I know it’s hard, but just be there for her and be thankful she’s understanding and only cares that you’ll be there! I just think of some of the other crazy shit I’ve read on here about brides being selfish… yikes.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you feel that way. All my bridesmaids were out of town, so the “slack” was taken up by friends of my mother. Didn’t make me love my bridesmaids even an iota less.
And one of my favorite wedding presents was a framed wedding invitation from one of my bridesmaids. It meant a lot to me that she would do that. And lots of my favorite baby shower gifts were homemade. I’m sure your sister will know how much time and thought you put into it and will LOVE it. I would 🙂
Post # 5
China chips. She knows you’re doing the best you can, and it sounds like if there was any way you could do more for her … you would. She will appreciate all that you do for her.
Post # 6
@MrsRanger: I’m in your sister’s position. I just want my sister (and MOH) to be there to support me on my special day. I know she wishes she could have “done more”, but I sincerely am just so appreciative to have her by my side.
Post # 7
You’re not a terrible matron of honor. It’s not about money, and it sounds like your sister knows that. *Hugs* Try to let this go, it’s just going to make the whole experience a sad one for you, and you deserve better. Focus on your love for your sister and how you can express it with words and deeds rather than gifts.
Post # 8
Thank you guys; that’s exactly what I needed to hear 🙂 I read a few times on here that handmade gifts can seem cheesy, so maybe I just needed some reassurance. I can’t tell anyone in my family because I don’t want them thinking I’m stealing her thunder by whining about my problems!
Post # 9
@MrsRanger: Don’t beat yourself up! You’re living within your means and there’s no shame about not being able to fly far away to plan bridal showers etc. Your sister seems to understand that, so please don’t worry. Also, a $2000 set of china is a great gift but honestly, I would prefer hand-embroidered orchids someone I loved so dearly spent 3 months on. It’s not a gift of money but one of time, skill and a lot of love. Please don’t feel bad, your sister will LOVE it!
Post # 10
I for one would prefer the handmade gift over china. Especially considering I’d be terrified to use it! The embroidered picture would go straight on my wall so I could enjoy it every day.
Post # 11
I just got off the phone with my cousin (who won’t even be able to attend) and she told me that even if I lived closer and threw the parties myself, they wouldn’t meet the standards for people who are wealthy. Whatever. I can honestly say that my gift is probably the best gift I could give anyone. Every time I sat down to work, she was the only thing on my mind..and that means something.
Post # 12
@MrsRanger: Your sister knew you lived across the country when she asked you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. She knew you would not be able to partipate to the extent that you would probably want to, yet still asked you.
Stop beating yourself up. You are giving her a personal gift that she will treasure.
You need to get to a place where you stop comparing your life to others’.
Post # 13
@MrsRanger: She picked you because she wants you beside her on her big day. She didn’t pick you because she expects fancy gifts. I am sure when she picked you and knowing you were far away, she expected that some of the brides maids would have to pick up a little extra duties.
I know you feel guilty but DONT you guys are doing a lot just to be there for the day and I am sure she recognizes that 🙂
Post # 14
@MrsRanger: you are NOT a terrible matron of honor, you are a loving sister who only wants to make her sister happy and is working on a gift from the heart. Fancy gifts are nice, but being next to someone who loves you so much on your wedding day is priceless!
Post # 15
@MrsRanger: Your sister chose you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor not because of what you can do for her wedding or how much you can spend on her wedding. She chose you because she loves you and wants you to be the person to stand up and support her on the wedding day. Sounds like you and your suster both have good heads on your shoulders and that relationships rather than what someone can do for you is most important to you.
Write her a heartfelt letter and give it to her the money of the wedding. I know I would prefer that over $2000 china anyday.
Post # 16
My mom made us a quilt in our wedding colors and embroidered us a miniature of the building we (and my parents) were married in. I am grateful for all of my gifts, but Iespecially treature those two becuase they were a labor of love and I know how much time and effort she put into them. I’m sure your sister will feel similarly!