(Closed) I'm a terrible person and jealous of my brother. :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m just a terrible person and a jealous bitch, that’s all.

Um, no you’re not. It is completely normal and reasonable to feel that way, given everything!!!

Post # 4
3304 posts
Sugar bee

*hugs* Breathe and move past it *hugs*

Post # 5
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You’re NOT a terrible person. These are normal emotions to feel and the fact that you recognize that wading in these emotions isn’t going to fix anything means you are a good person with good insight into what really matters. I’m glad you can come here to get this off your chest…I think you need to feel free to express your emotions…then you should start looking for ways you can turn that frustrtation around. Start focusing on all the wonderful things you do have in your life and know that your brother’s good luck came at a price for him, as well. And hopefully, what he says is true, and he will find a way to put that money toward good.


Post # 6
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Life is so totally unfair. It sucks, and there’s nothing we can do about it. You’re not a terrible person. I don’t blame you for feeling this way, but just try not to focus on it.

Post # 7
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

You’re not a terrible person. You’re human, and your reaction to this situation is completely natural. Your brother has been a terrible person. Hopefully the changes he’s made are permanent.

You’re aware that you’re jealous, and you don’t want to be- that’s huge. It might be helpful for you to have a few sessions with a counselor to help heal from what he’s done. “I wouldn’t trade what I’ve got right now for my brother’s life.”– try to keep that in mind as you work through this. 

Post # 8
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

your brother sounds exactly like my brother and I would be feeling the same way as you if this had happened to my brother. 

Post # 9
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

and one of my friends just posted this on fb.. quite appropriate.


Post # 10
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@TooExcited:  Aw, I don’t think you’re a terrible person at all.  I would get jealous, too.  And I’d probably feel the same way.

I think the only way to make yourself feel better is by focusing on why your brother does deserve this and why your life is so much better than his even with his small fortune and how much better your life will always be, no matter how much he has won from this lawsuit. 

Even though there’s no way in knowing that your brother actually did clean up his act, it really sounds like he did.  People who fake cleaning up their act don’t do the things your brother did – like getting a GED finally and going back to face his parole violation, etc. 

Be happy that your brother finally grew up, matured, faced the consequences of his actions and is cleaning up his act. 

And, whatever happened in his rehab center must have been BAD for him to get a settlement for that amount.  I wouldn’t envy that and I know that’s not what you’re envying, but just focus on what got him the money instead of the fact that he has a small fortune now. 

Besides the rehab center, his life sounds like it totally sucked.  To be a drug addict, to be in jail/prison, to be on parole.. it friggin sucks.  No one actually wants to live that life, they do it because they don’t know any better or they can’t get out or whatever the case may be, it’s not because they woke up one day and said, “Wow, being a burglar/robber/assailant sounds like the best job ever.” 

And despite his small fortune that will pay off his debt and have a bit left over, you and your Darling Husband will probably always be in a much better position to make way more money in the long run.  So, he might have more right this instant.. but you are leading the better life..

Sorry you feel this way.  This is human nature.. don’t be so hard on yourself for feeling emotion!

Post # 11
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Your history with your brother is not anything to dismiss or just “get over”. But you know, and I mean this very sweetly, you are colouring your perception of things when you say he texted you to “brag”. He is also your brother and talking to you about a happy, major change in his life. 

I don’t think you need to be supportive of someone who physically abused you. I hope what you read this as is a step towards internalizing some more impartial language choices.

Post # 12
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m the asshole that would have texted back “Congrats! So what tab of mine for my wedding do you want to pick up as a gift?” 

Post # 13
237 posts
Helper bee

Don’t forget, “a fool and his money are soon parted.” If you don’t have your head screwed on right getting a large sum of money can actually further damage your life…you blow it all on expensive stuff or going out (or drugs). Let’s hope he becomes a better person and uses that money to fix his life.

Post # 14
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@futuremrsk18:  Agreed. He might never be able to get a high paying job… and might need to use all of this just to get by in the next few years. You and your Fiance will be able to have a comfortable life that you have earned. You are not being unreasonable by wishing that people only received what they earned and deserved- and you are recognizing that these feelings are not constructive and won’t help anything. Try to let go of the resentment by focusing on the long term rewards you will have, not the short term financial gain of a lawsuit.

Post # 15
9885 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Don’t think of his sudden windfall of money as in any way being good karma.  It isn’t, necessarily.  Stay tuned.

Post # 16
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are not terrible.  I could have written so much of this, I totally get where you’re coming from.

No advice, just empathy.

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