Post # 17
@TooExcited: I think it’s perfectly reasonable to feel the way you’re feeling, but here’s a different perspective to consider: if he’s a bad person, money isn’t going to make his life better. It may appear to in the short term, but long term, he still has consequences for his actions to deal with and demons to face. I hate to say it, but it could actually introduce more problems into his life.
On the other hand, he’s essentially been given a gift to turn his life around. He could do really great things with that money for himself and others in society. Maybe he turns things around and the money turns into a great thing for him and everyone around him.
I can’t say I wouldn’t be jealous, but maybe if you look at it from another perspective, money isn’t the ultimate problem solver or be-all, end-all.
Post # 18
I know this is actually huge for my brother. He can potentially do a lot more good for himself with the $65K than DH and I could with the same amount. My brother’s credit is probably in shreds right now, and this will help him start fixing it so he can do things with his life later on. He would have no hope of that without this money.
Financially, DH and I aren’t hurting too terribly badly right now. With $65K, we could pay off our debts and pay the down payment on a house. Without $65K… we’ll take a few years, but we’ll still manage to pay off our debts and pay the down payment on a house.
I chose the word “brag” carefully. If he had texted me to say something like, “Hey, guess what! The settlement came in, and I got the $65K!” I would say “told” or “said” or some other equally neutral word. However, his text said, “Hey sis, guess who just won 65,000 from a law suite?” His tone sounded more “bragging” to me than just “telling”. I chose the word I did quite carefully.
Post # 19
Thats just how life is, people dont always get what they “Seem” to deserve. On the other hand he may be truly changed and in that case we cant be the judge of what the deserves.
Post # 20
I would feel the same way. I bet you’re not feeling as jealous as you are feeling a sense of injustice…and that is totally justifiable.
Post # 21
I second everything that is being said here. It is completely normal to feel as you are feeling. You have been through an incredible amount of trauma and your feelings are completely justified. I would recommend seeing a therapist if you haven’t already seen one to help you work through your past trauma and your feelings about your brother’s recent windfall.
Post # 22
It does suck when people who make your life hell get ‘rewarded’ for it, but I’m sure he does or will feel really terrible, money or no, while he tries to atone for everything he’s done. I’m sorry that you have to deal with an unfair situation.
Post # 23
(((hugs!))) I would feel the exact same way.
Post # 24
Rant on. But sleep easy knowing that you’ll always appreciate the things you have because you earned them.
Post # 25
Thank you all for your support. I’ll be okay, and I’m sure in a day or two, this will all just be water under the bridge. It’s just a bit upsetting right now.
I have actually been to therapy for my brother, and I like to think that between the therapy and the distance (geographically, temporally, and emotionally) between me and my brother and the past abuse, I’m about as over it as I ever will be. I don’t hate him for it anymore. I’ve started to form a new relationship with him, one where I’m in control. For the most part, it doesn’t inform my daily decisions anymore, and I think I’m pretty aware now of the decisions it does influence, and because I’m aware, I’m able to consider if that influence is a good thing or bad thing in each decision. For the most part, really… I just don’t care about it that much anymore. I just have moments like today.
Anyway, I really appreciate all the kind words and hugs and such. You ladies are so awesome. Thank you for listening.
Post # 26
Oh, no. What a nasty person, situation 😐 bummer.
Post # 27
Think of it this way- would you trade your life for his for $65,000? I’d be willing to bet not. But I totally get where you’re coming from.