I'm a very nervous virgin

posted 1 year ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I was in the same position (he was a virgin too though). It ended up taking us 4 months before we achieved full penetration. I was never medically diagnosed with vaginismus but I kind of self diagnosed myself and purchased a set of vaginal dilators. I slowly worked my way up from the smallest size for about a month and then we were finally able to have sex! They worked wonders, so if you have trouble once you try, I would definitely recommend them. Good luck!

Post # 18
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Home

This is probably not the advice you want but, I was in a similar situation in that it was very difficult and hurt quite a bit for the first time. I wanted to do it enough though that I just dealt with it, if you just go for it stops hurting after about 10 minutes or so. For me the first couple minutes each time hurt for about the first 10 or 15 times. And no matter how much experience you have if you’re not relaxed and in the mood is going to be uncomfortable.

 

Post # 20
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

graced :  Your doctor can help you. She can give you a series of dilators, starting from thinner then a finger. Remember that this part of the body can stretch to deliver a 10lb baby. I have also recommended girls feel with their own finger, to see how they are angled. In my religion this does not equal a sin of masterbation, I know of no religion that it does.  A problem sometimes with tampon is you cant feel your way in. Many many times the pain is just because you have not found the angle. It is up and back, sometimes 45 degrees. Also, if you have not looked at yourself, consider to get a hand mirror and see for yourself what is there.

It is beautiful that you have built your relationship around bringing the other closer to God. Self discipline for the sake of the other is a wonderful way to practice the love you will need for marriage. Such a good foundation you have built. When you have sex as a married person you will  be bringing your husband closer to heaven in a new way, and he you. I wish you a lifetime of celebration that you and your husband can now give each other this amazing gift. Exchange presents  every chance you get 🙂 

 

Post # 21
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

graced :  only saw your post now. Yes it will come with time. Have fun with each other. It’s a whole new world!!!

Post # 23
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

graced :  I was not a virgin, but the years my husband and I dated we did not so much as french kiss.  My sisters and many friends were virgins as it is common in my religion.  My best friend had your diagnosis it is very. Very treatable. 

One tip: your natural lubrication is the best. Sometime artificial lubricant only helps the penis go into the vagina before it is prepared. It is best to try to make your own wetness first. “Dryhumping” your husbands leg or penis (through the clothes or skin to the skin) is a non penetrating way to warm up. Once you are feeling relaxed and with wetness, you could guide your husbands finger to explore very gently to feel how you are angled. This can help him know how to approach you. 

Also: do not feel the need for the penis to go in all at once. Your husband can rest his penis at the entrance of your vagina and “knock” for awhile. He can put it in a little and stay there for awhile, kissing and caressing you meanwhile. I was more relaxed on bottom (less work for muscles) however do.not feel nervously to try on top first to see if you like more direct control. With my husband on our wedding night it was years for us both and many many for me, so we went slow. Even still the most pleasing sex is when there is time for my vagina to awake, rub sleep from eyes and realize oh, a penis would like to come in!

I hope I make you laugh. In seriousness, keep a light heart. Yes, it is a holy, exalted act you are doing. But in these things we are crazy kids and God allows us to participate like a parent let’s a toddler “make breakfast.” So, keep a light heart as you go on this amazing journey. For example, may be it could be your husband is the one who is to nervous to complete the act. It can happen! Revel in the reassurance you have your whole lives to play, and learn, and experience each other and perfect your gift giving. 

Post # 24
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

graced :  

I suffered with vaginismus for a period of time due to a traumatic experience. It was completely psychological, and over several months I was able to overcome it by taking things slowly with my SO, only doing what I was comfortable with in that moment, and voicing what felt good and what didn’t. Reminding myself that I was in a safe and loving environment, and taking a few breaths when I started to get tense helped immensely. Also, taking the focus off PIV sex enabled me to enjoy what we were doing without the pressure of it leading up to penetration. There are lots of other things to enjoy other than PIV, so take it at whatever pace you’re comfortable with and explore to find out what you do and don’t like. It can also help to explore things solo and get in touch with your sexuality without the pressure of pleasing a partner.  

Your doctor gave you some good advice regarding taking the pressure off it happening on your wedding night, and wearing something that makes you feel confident etc. I’d be careful about the wine depending on your tolerance. Two glasses and I am unable to orgasm. Also slightly baffled about why she said you should get waxed. Have your pubic hair groomed/not groomed however you personally like, as you will feel more comfortable. If that means getting waxed then go for it, but if not then don’t as it could make you feel more self-conscious.

Post # 26
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I was a virgin til wedding night too!

being turned on will do wonders foryour down there area…with the natural changes that go on haha! it’ll feel a lot different than a tampon or a check up!

Also! I didn’t go “all the way” our first night. It took like 3 days to finally get him all the way in. I was very concerned at first, haha! AND I still get tight if we go too long in between times. 

Post # 28
Member
10668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

graced :  

Many, many, many, many years ago, I had a similar problem.  That little sucker just was not going to accommodate anybody.

How did I get cured, you may ask.  Breathtaking in its simplicity.  I started seeing a guy who was hung like a rabbit.

True story.

The guy was actually aware of his limitations.

Probably not the right solution for the rest of the Hive.  But, I am really happy to have an excuse to tell that story.

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