(Closed) I’m about to break down… I just need to vent!!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

1. Your older brother’s being a jerk.

2. I think you should take the money because I think she wants to be involved and I just can’t see not taking it going well. But I totally understand where you’re coming from; I would feel the same way.

Post # 4
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ok. First of all I will say this. Accepting money from anyone means involveing their input as well. I would go over with Future Mother-In-Law exactly how much money she is giving you and where it will be going towards. This might cut off any potential problems. I would also do the same with your parents. I wish you good luck and everythign will turn out fine 🙂 Just keep things in perspective.

Post # 5
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you should:

1) Ignore your older brother’s bratty behavior (my older sister acted out as well when i got engaged, but because she was also engaged and ‘mad’ that i was stealing her thunder. I just ignored her and eventually she calmed down)

2) Gracefully accept the money from your Future Mother-In-Law, but do point out that you’re not sure how it could be kept a secret

3) Try to get your Fiance to insist she gives you the cash ahead of time so there are no strings attached, although this one almost never happens!

Post # 6
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Why is everyone else so involved?  I pretty much planned our wedding by myself with some help from my husband and very little input from parents aside from letting them know the date.  I did tell my mom everything I was planning but not for her approval.

Isn’t that odd to have the families so involved with the venue?  Do they get to pick your colors also?  I just wouldn’t involve them as much. 

Will this money come with strings attached?  We received money from parents but none had strings attached.  Otherwise I wouldn’t have accepted it.

Post # 7
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

1. Ignore your brother. He’s being a douche.
2. Accept the money. Talk with your Future Mother-In-Law and find out how much involvement she wants.
3. You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, but you shouldn’t keep it a complete secret either.

I would have your parents, his parents, and you two sit down and just discuss everything before you sign any contracts.

Post # 8
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Honestly? Just from what you said and her offering to pay for the wedding doesn’t sound like she’s offering to pay for THAT wedding,where you said she thinks it isn’t good enough. I’ll bet you she means she’ll plan something nicer and take over the whole thing. I’d find out exactly what she meant by the offer before deciding anything.

Post # 9
46609 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

1.Your brother and your Mom were being totally silly about you getting engaged and married first. What if he never met the girl of his dreams and never got married? Are you supposed to put your life on hold? Ridiculous.

2.I suggest that you and your Fiance first come to an agreement about whether or not you accept the money from his Mom. If you decide to accept it, then the two of you should meet with her and suss out what strings are attached. If she says none, then accept her generous offer and make sure you have the cash in hand before you start spending it.

Post # 11
6 posts

Your brother is just jealous and being an ass.  And take what ever you can get from family, weddings are expensive but you can always just go somewhere the two of you, commit to the rest of your lives together, and come back and celebrate it with your friends, without the open bar.  I never understood why people pay so much toget their friends drunk and be stressed… but that’s just me…  I know some people dream of the big wedding from the time they were little girls

Post # 12
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ThePrincessMaggie: EXACTLY what she said!!

Whatever your FMIL’s reasons are, she’s offering to help, and it should alleviate some of the financial stress. You can let her be somewhat involved, but only in things she’s paying for? If that makes sense, and I guess, you can look at it as a positive way to start feeling like a “daughter” rather than just “her son’s girlfriend”. 

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