(Closed) I’m about to email my friend regarding cat she held hostage – feedback please!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

In one paragraph it almost seems like the cats were theirs in the beginning… but then your husband acquired them. Then years later, they were asked to watch the cat, and they don’t want to let you have them back. Is this true? I dunno, it all seems so juvenile to me. I understand they got attached to your cat, but there’s no need for her husband to hold it hostage while your friend is gone. Yes, she will be sad that when she returns the cat is gone, but who cares… she can visit you to see the cat again. I don’t see the problem since everyone in the situation is an adult (I think).

Post # 33
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you haven’t already sent it (I haven’t seen the original), just make it as short as possibly.

It might be worth setting up a filter to shuttle any of her responses right into the trash. I didn’t get the impression from the last thread that this is someone you wanted to remain in your life, and getting drawn into an email exchange won’t help that along.

 

Good luck  :

Post # 35
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would personally not send an email. I would send snail mail along with the check for the balance of the vet bill. As other PP stated I would also enclose something about this being the end of the subject and have a nice life.

Post # 36
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

I didn’t get to see the letter, but I would suggest writing an email response now before you hear back from her.

That way, when she emails you back with more convoluted explanations, and veiled criticisms, you can just mail it off and be done with it, and not have to think about coming up with an appropriate response while you’re all riled up.

I would send something like:

 

Thank you for caring for our cat. I’m not interested in participating in any further drama regarding this matter; I consider it closed.

Best wishes,

Frustrated

Post # 37
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Good luck! Just don’t except a sane response back! I hope you can put this crazy situation behind you.

Post # 39
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

View original reply
@frustrated: I think that the email is right on point. I hope she feels like an idiot once she reads it, and is embarassed by her actions. I think the only change I would make is to put in there somewhere how he came to get the cat – due to her neglect!! She seems to have forgotten how this all got started in the first place, and I think you need to bring her down a peg or two.

I would also suggest telling her that you would appreciate it if she didn’t contact you for a while so that you and your husband can process this, and if you decide to remain friends, you will contact her

Post # 40
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@frustrated: My only concern with sending the email is that if you have not repaid them for the vet bill as you stated you would then you still have to deal with that.

Post # 42
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it’s good.

You are being nicer than I would have been.

Post # 43
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

View original reply
@frustrated: oh ok. Well then I understand that. I don’t think its mean, I think it just shows your reasoning for feeling the way you do.

Post # 44
Member
3196 posts
Sugar bee

Nope, not too harsh or rude at all. It is all very ratioinal and straightforward, however, you are talking to people that think a cat is a human. So I do think it was a waste of time in terms of getting her to see eye-to-eye with you. But not a waste of time in terms of closure! Thank goodness you have your cat back!

Post # 45
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’d look it over once more for grammatical errors and then send it. It’s very good, and I agree with you on not bringing up that it was once hers and she neglected it.

Post # 46
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Not harsh or mean, but…

…and I say this from unfortunate experience with this kind of thing… ;

Just think about what this is really going to resolve and what affect this long letter is (or is not) going to have in terms of changing behavior or the terms of the relationship.

More specifically, are you addressing all of these things because you want to salvage a relationship, or to make yourself feel better?

If it’s the second one, I would consider not sending the email at all. Or restricting it to 4-5 sentences.

This letter should not be longer than it needs to be. 

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