Post # 1
Sorry..posting anonymously because im having an emotional day that my family and friends just dont understand.
Im a bee battling depression and anxiety. I know my Fiance loves me to death and says that this is not too much for him but Im worried that one day it will become too much for him and he will leave me. As of right now I dont see him doing that…but my depression seems to make me see things that arent really there in my future. It really makes me feel hopeless.
Ive been to doc after doc and it seems nothing that they do or give me works for me and it just makes me feel more and more anxious to find a cliff to jump with no parachute.
My family doesnt understand depression. They ask me what I have to be depressed about? I tell them everytime Im not depressed about one specific thing its something ive battled since 2005. They just think im in a funk.
I dont know what to do. I sometimes think about cancelling the wedding so that he wont have to deal with my illnesses. I cry all the time.
Im sorry this is so long.
Post # 3
@Nonybee: I can relate. I suffer from manic depression (bipolar in other words) and I’ve often been questioned why I’m depressed. Unfortunately, many people don’t understand that it’s a chemical imbalance in our brains that we can’t control. That’s what medications are for. Have you been on any? I really enjoyed lexapro when I was on medications.
Post # 4
******hugs****** dont feel that way. Maybe a therapist if you arent already seeing one. Sometimes talking to someone who is totally unrelated to the problems really helps.
Post # 5
Massive hugs! I can relate. I was very depressed for a long time. But my Fiance has made it clear that I’m not to worry about her. She wants me to be happy, sure, but she doesn’t see depression as being half-way terrible enough to deal with that it would make her think twice about me. You need to trust your Fiance to have made his own mind up. As for treatments, what helped me more than anything else aas seeing a good psychotherapist. I was referred by my doctor and it was very very tough, but after a year things were so much better. It’s worth a shot – and so much better than the counselling and cbt that I’d previously tried.
Post # 6
Can also relate. Sometimes, it’s a matter of finding the right meds for you, but it is imperative that you get cognitive therapy in conjunction with the meds. Either treatment seldom ever works by itself. It has to be a combination of things that you are willing to work on.
Post # 7
I can relate and I echo a PP that suggested a counsellor – I saw a psych a few years back to help me with my depression and even thou it didn’t help straight away (it took me about 4 years of battling to get thru everything) she did help me with coping mechanisms.
I still use them now to cope with things as I don’t want to fall back into deep depression. I talk about things now & don’t hold a lot in (apparently I am blunter and a little more hard than I used to be).
Also keep insisting Drs help you – my Girlfriend had to go thru many many meds to find one that helped her. I don’t believe I need meds now but I do wish that a few years ago I did as it may have helped me get more “stable”.
Fiance understands and I am sure your Fiance does too, he loves you and that includes your depression.
I wish you all the best to get thru all this.
Post # 8
I can relate to your Fiance. My Fiance suffers from depression, anxiety, etc. I have absolutely NO problem dealing with it whatsoever. I have both of those mildly, so I understand, but I also love him unconditionally and will deal with whatever. He doesn’t have insurance or money to pay out of pocket to see anyone, and he hates being on medication. He says that I am the only thing that helps him anymore, and I just try to be there for him, know when something’s up, and give him whatever he needs. He, too, thinks that I’ll leave him for “someone better” (I was with what he thinks was “someone better,” in that he had a good career, house, etc., and that relationship was awful!).
Your family is being ridiculous. Depression isn’t caused by any one thing–it’s a chemical imbalance in your brain, and it is nothing that you can help.
Unfortunately, there is nothing that I can say that’s going to convince you that your Fiance isn’t going to leave you, but if you love him and trust him, you should try to listen to him when he tells you that.
Post # 9
I agree 100% with everything PP’s have said so I don’t have any new insight to offer.
But I do want to tell you how amazing it is to see someone willing to discuss their depression and ask for help when they need it. I have been battling depression for years and I know how often I decide to keep it inside instead of sharing it. Keeping it inside leads to nothing but trouble and that can be frustrating to SO’s. My SO always says ‘Why didn’t you come talk to me?” or ‘I can’t understand if you don’t explain’ because he has never had depression or anxiety. As long as you continue to have open communication with your Fiance than I’m sure everything will be fine.
Best of luck!
Post # 10
Total agreement with PPs as well! My Fiance has battled depression, and we did break up for a while because of it. However, the different between him and you is that he was not willing to seek help, which frustrated me to the point of leaving him. I believe that as long as you are actively doing things (meds or therapy or even yoga or running) to help yourself, he will not get overwhelmed.