(Closed) I’m an ageist……..I find that I do judge certain situations based on age :(

posted 9 years ago in Weddingbee
  • poll: Do you find yourself judging certain situations based on age?

    Yes

    No

    Sometimes

    Who does this? Age is just a number!

  • Post # 61
    Member
    818 posts
    Busy bee

    I am sometimes. I try not to be because it’s unfair, no two people are the same even if they’re the same age. I’m 22. I have friends who just want to party and I don’t. But I look like I’m 16 still so people think I’m younger than them when I’m actually the oldest.

    Post # 62
    Member
    395 posts
    Helper bee

    I am a little bit hypocritical in this area. I am only 22 and I think “I’m so mature for my age” but then I go and do something stupid and realize that I’m not so grown up after all. This thread has been a good reminder that I am only 22 and I still have tons more to learn!

    I do agree with PPs though that maturity is more important than age. I had a coworker who is 30 and I was always thinking grow up! The thing is IRL, age is something you can judge instantly whereas maturity takes longer to see. I am guilty of doing that, for sure. But at the same time, it frustrates me when I’m judged the same way. It’s especially annoying for me because I look so much younger than I am. Oh well, I can’t change how old I am or how old I look, but I can certainly take control of how old I act so that should be where I put my focus.

    Post # 63
    Member
    1827 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think it’s impossible to withhold judgment at all times and it just so happens that on a blog like this one, a lot of the judgments are going to be made based on age/perceived maturity.  There are certain themes that tend to appear in threads posted by people of a certain age and it is hard not to make assumptions.  As [email protected] said, there a lot of threads, primarily from the younger bees, that scream out ‘kids playing house!’ and I try to refrain from posting on those threads because I know my response won’t be well received.   Alternatively, there are also posts from young bees bragging about how awesome they are because they found the love of their life at 18.  Well, it’s awfully hard for those of us who are older (and wiser as the saying goes!) to not roll our eyes and chuckle to ourselves, wondering if that person will be saying that in ten years.   The judgments go both ways and I think we’re all guilty of it, whether we act on it by responding to a post, or ignore it for the moment but let it color our opinion of the poster in later threads. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    3798 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m going to be 25 next month and I totally do this. My views of relationships/marriage/everything in between have changed so much since being 20/21/22…and sometimes I can tell when someone is really young on here and it makes me remember how when I was that age I used to blow things up to an extreme level. When you are young, though, it is hard to see past the fact that every little thing is not a huge crisis.

    Post # 65
    Member
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    @soyjoy222:

    and others 🙂 I guess maybe because my family is young (and has been married young and had children young) and I live in a college town post-graduation where many businesses rely on student business and therefore treat young people well, I’ve just not been exposed to this seemingly widespread idea that young adults act like “every little thing is the end of the world”, etc. That’s what I find most surprising about this thread – not just the idea that we shouldn’t marry young, which changes often depending on your background and geographical location, etc, but the repeated philosophy that young adults on the whole (not just the bad seeds) do not control their emotions, make decent choices both in partners and general life, and are on the whole wildly irresponsible bipolar ever-surprising people who aren’t ready for anything more than an emotional post on a wedding website. I’m even more disappointed that women here who have experience and the ability actually encourage young adults to grow into pleasant older adults choose rather to discourage and shame them. I’m so glad that the people in my life are such positive influences in shaping who I am so I can prove this crazy-to-me stereotype wrong.

    Post # 66
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I definitely do this sometimes.  But usually it is more me thinking that people are being really immature for their age (FYI – I’m 24).

    Post # 67
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    View original reply
    @galloway111: “None of my values in marriage or in relationships has changed much at all since I started dating when I was 14.”

    I thought the exact same thing when I read mwitter80‘s examples.  I never would have done any of those things EVER and the things I’ve wanted in a relationship and a life partner really haven’t changed a bit from when I was a young teenager just starting to think about boys to now as a 24 year old (I married at 23).  I honestly can’t think of a single thing that I view differently when it comes to who I would consider having a relationship with.

    Post # 68
    Member
    53 posts
    Worker bee

    I do for sure!!  I don’t feel old while out and about but on these boards I feel ancient!! lol  I am in in my late 30’s.

    I think life experince is life experince and their is a lot to be said for it. please don’t prosecute me for that!!  : >

    I was curious to know for sure most typical age and thats why I started the “what is your age” thread the other day. 

    Now everyone has strong feelings and differences of opinions dispite age, so age is not always a factor. I do have to admit though that opinions I have now are much different than they were when I was younger. I find the views of a lot of the younger bee’s used to be mine too. 

    but.. I also think many young bees have experinced things that maybe some of the older bees haven’t and I think they give great advice!!  Their are a lot of smart bee on here young & older.

    I respect and value everyones opinions. I think being open minded and non judgemental is key on here. Everyone has something worth value to add. 

     

    Post # 69
    Member
    2280 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Ironically, friends and I do this with people we graduated with from HS when we find out they’re married or have three kids already. We say ‘Are you kidding me?’ and ‘Let’s see how long that lasts…’

    But that probably has more to do with what we know about their personalities. People really don’t change much. Babies have personalities that manifest themselves in the womb, my mom/sister teach elementary school and can predict what kind of lives their students will lead, and I’ve run into people I knew in the past who are exactly the same.

    As we get older, I think we do learn to make better choices, but that doesn’t change what our “essence” is, I guess you’d say…our quirks, tendencies, habits, weaknesses and strengths. The essential person is still there, steering life in one direction or the other.

    View original reply
    @FutureJessicaMcB: I liked your post, that’s very true! Few things are as obnoxious as holier-than-thou women who wag their fingers and say “Just you wait and see…I know better…” Geesh. Terrible condescending attitude. Even when you know they’re saying stuff like that “for your own good,” it’s not helpful to the conversation.

    I stopped declaring my age (on WB and in real life) a while ago because the ageism was annoying me so much. The funny thing is, my husband is a good bit older than me; when we’re together, people seem to equalize our ages to somewhere comfortably in the middle, haha!

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