(Closed) I’m annoyed! Fiance doesn’t see the problem…

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Do you have any couple friends that you can go out with?  I agree that it’s sort of hard to hang out with single people at times once you become engaged.  Especially with the girls who have broken up with their SOs, they are on a completely different page than you are.

Post # 4
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Boy. I was just telling my Fiance ..ok well crying to him about how I don’t have many friends anymore and I feel so left out of their circle. But then it dawned on me. I was the one that had to put forth the effort in keeping the friendships going. I put so much energy into it and what did I get in return? Not much. I understand you used to be the leader of the pack but it sounds like your friends have decided that their schedules are more important. Which is actually not that abnormal. It may be time to move on and make some new friends. Your old friends will always be friends with you (I hope). I wouldn’t give up them but I would surely start looking for new friends that both you and your Fiance can hang with.

As far as including your friends with his. The best way to do that is to start having get togethers where everyone is invited. Maybe dinner and drinks or game night at home. This could be a good way introduce any new friends you make to your old friends too. We all move through life at different paces. You have a few things less in common with your old pals than you had before. Now it takes more effort to maintain friendships than before. And it could be that your friends are enjoying not having a leader of the pack.

Post # 5
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I totally understand your problem but I’m not sure I exactly have advice. I’m much more social then my bf (we’re not engaged yet). I have a large group of girlfriends who are ALL single (seriously – the only married one moved away and everyone else is single although a few date). My bf has a few friends he has had forever, but our groups of friends are very different and would never likely become friends with each other.

Sooo..this is what we have done. I go out with my girlfriends somewhat regularly. Not as much as when I am single and I plan a lot less of the stuff then I did then. But if there is something I really want to do I will plan it and get some or all of the group to come. Sometimes if we are doing something I know my bf will enjoy I bring him. He has gotten to know most of the girls and is happy to hang out with us. Because he comes along occasionally the girls know him and like him. 

Often when I’m out with my friends he’ll go hangout with his best guy friend. They sit and play video games all day/night. Not something I need to be there for. If a larger group of his friends goes out I make that my plans since we see them much less often than my friends.

Finally we have a couple were friends with and we both get along with well with. This works well for us because they live near us and we could go on double dates with them or just hang out. I know the girl from a former job but we got closer when I started dating my bf and she got married. Her hubby and my bf are not best friends, but they have enough in common to have a conversation or else are comfortable not talking and just laughing at us as we go a mile a minute.

I guess the advice in all that is not to push everyone to be friends, it may not happen. But instead be comfortable with your friends, let him see his as it suits him and try to have a few friends that you can hang out with together. I’ve always wanted a social group where everyone is friends, but it’s just not going to happen and that’s okay with me. 

Post # 6
529 posts
Busy bee

I understand your problem – I think part of this is just, as you said, that you are at a different place in your life. We eventually found places and things we could do as a couple – groups at our church, wine tasting classes, etc. where we met other couples who were our age and had similar interests. This process will take time, If you and your Fiance are willing to work together and step out of your comfort zone a little bit, I am sure you will find a mixed social group where you feel comfortable and supported.

Post # 7
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s hard to incorporate like that. Fiance each have our own friends, plus “shared” friends. I think you should try to make friends with other couples, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up your own friends.

Also…I think it is pretty normal that as you get older, and your life changes (like you get married or have kids), that your friendship “needs” will change. While some of us maintain friendships for life, I think that it is likely more typical that your firendships will change as your lifestyle does.

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