- 11 years ago
- Wedding: January 2010
Hi Bees, I am an active member but felt too embarrassed t post this post under my usual account name…
Sorry for the length of tis, I do want to include as much info as possible to hear fair feedback.
My husband and I have been married for almost 3 weeks, we recently just got back from our Honeymoon – so things should be great right? Well, we’ve been living together since 2007, so its not like the whole living situation is new or anything.
Getting to the point, while on honeymoon, we had a pretty serious fallout. His heart was hurting a bit, he ofen gets aches in his heart when under stress, I did everything I thought to do to help him feel better, gave him medicine, scratched his back, gave massages, etc., we’re sitting outside on our balcony and I was under the impression he was feeling better, he took a nap and a shower and even said he was feeling better. So I guess I stopped giving so much TLC, I go back into the room to finish my make-up before we go to dinner and he states I am not supportive, calls me boring and a bad wife for no supporting him and making him feel better! I was so upset, he does say mean things when hes angry but “boring”? This obviously upset me, it was so specific, it didn’t seem like something someone would say if they were upset. So I got stuck on this, telling him how hurt I felt by his choice of words and he says that it shouldn’t be about me, its about him, hes the one not feeling well. He thought I was “boring” b./c I was sitting so quiety at the balcony and I went back into the room w/out saying anything (?!) I’m quiet, I dont always talk, he knows this but he still said those words. We had a big fight that night, with us blaming eachother, me telling him that he gets so mean, and says hurtful things when hes upset and him saying I should put my feelings aside and instead try to make the situation better by cheering him up. I can’t “act” cheerful, I’m only human, if my new husband says something like calling me boring, I’m going to get upset.
Things are okay the next couple days. I don’t want this to be sooo long, so I’mjust giving a summary, we were okay, we even had sex the following morning.
We’re back home now, and today I came home from work and went food shopping and then started making dinner. My husband visisted the Dr. today for a check-up on his heart, and he tells me how he Dr. said its due from stress and that he may be depressed. I’m concerned when he tells me this, I think maybe its from all the recent wedding stuff, I ask why he feels upset and he tells me that my attitude bothers him, that i’m snippy. Seeing this as a way to discuss our relationship, I pull out a chair, ready to listen and also express my concerns, I tell him that I’d appreciate him doing more stuff around the apt. (he does nothing! I cook, clean, do laundry, go food shopping), he does pay 3/4 of the rent but he makes a lot more $ than me. So i confessed that I feel snippy sometimes b/c Im just so exhausted from all the stuff I do around the house. Was it wrong I said this at this time? When hes telling me his concern? Again, he blamed me for being unsupportive and very selfish. I honestly saw this as a way to discuss our relationship, I didn’t attack him, I was calm, and sat down, ready to discuss! Previously, times when he has been stressed with work, I was always supportive, but if hes going to point out my flaws, I’m going to explain them and find a way they can be fixed.
We really seem to have hit a rock right now. He doesnt want me to cook or do his laundry thinking this will make me be less snippy! (HA!) I really don’t know what to do. I’d like us to visit a marriage counselor, to have a third persons input. I’m too embarrassed to talk with my family or friends about this, i mean, we’ve been married less than 3 weeks and already have this HUGE issue. What do you guys think?
I feel that anytime I say anything to him such as commenting on what he can do more of (around the house), he calls this nagging. That is unfair, its not nagging. He thinks I’m a selfish unsupportive bitch which appauls me b/c I’m honestly not a bitch AT ALL.