(Closed) I’m at a loss here…and I would really like to not go to court/jail.

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
gemchick82:  “He says he’s going to work on it and emphasizes that the issue is her not him, he doesn’t want to lose me, she’s just not listening.”

Right. So, what’s the problem? He sounds like he’s doing the right things and the girl just won’t listen. So…ignore her? You’re making yourself seem unstable here. And I agree with 

View original reply
Cory_loves_this_girl: – you say in your post that you want to be married, but not if you have to deal with this (paraphrasing) – so you are still using divorce as a manipulation tactic, even if you haven’t voiced it to your husband yet. What sane, loving wife would consider not being married to her husband because a girl, whose advances he doesn’t return, calls him to wish a Merry Christmas? 

Post # 17
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think the first step here is to stop blaming your husband for the actions of others.

The second is to get a grip on your irrational thoughts.

The third is to apologise to your husband for making this about him rather than something that is happening to him.

Hopefully by the time you have done all three you will be calm enough to realise the major tantrum and overreaction you had was not cool and sit down and work out what the logical next step should be, like maybe talking to the police.

Post # 18
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m thinking “going to jail” is an expression. Like you don’t want to have to killabytch for constantly disrespecting you and your marriage, but you will and you will gladly go to jail for it. I don’t think the OP is being literal. It is likely her frustration talking. 

 

OP, It sounds like your husband has the type of personality where he could’nt fathom telling a female to stay the F*ck away from him. I understand that is what you would do, but it is out of his comfort zone, and that doesn’t mean he wants to be with her, he just doesn’t want confrontation.

My advice is to ignore the heifer. She is clearly miserable in her marriage and it’s causing her to be messy. If she continues to call, file harassment charges, but definitely don’t let this into your marriage. You guys are newlyweds, and you shouldn’t be bickering about another woman. If he is showing no evidence of being interested, don’t nag him because the last thing you want is for him to start complaining about you the way she complaines about her husband. Then you will have trouble. Anyway, good luck and try to enjoy the rest of the holiday season. 

Post # 19
Member
6583 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

No “other woman” is worth going to jail over.

Post # 20
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
Bellagiobride:  gotcha.. but from reading OP’s post it seems like they’ve only communicated through text?

So what’s up with the jail and divorce talk.. a bit of an overreaction if you ask me…

Post # 21
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

This is unnecessary drama. Why not have your husband file a restraining order?

Post # 22
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Can you add more info? I feel like I’m missing something. SO DH used to be friends with the girl and they communicated a lit through text. You got annoyed and threatened divorce so he cut off communicating with her.  He hasn’t spoken to her in6 months. This girl than called his mother to wish him a Merry Christmas and his mom gave some contact info and your’ Re afraid that she’ll try and contact him again?

 

Can’t he just ignore her? I’ll only be worrid if she starts calling the house repeatedly after you tell her not to. 

Post # 23
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
MeandMyLouboutins:  Well hell, I’m just guessing, based on some things I think. If I’m in a drive thru checking my food, I might say that I don’t want to have to cutabytch for putting onions on my burger, (to myself of course), so clearly I’m a wackadoo even if I’m completely joking. The OP isn’t joking, but she must be using exaggeration based on frustration. There is no way she thinks this situation is 25 to life worthy. Anyway, until the OP weighs in and clears up the confusion, we will all be befuddled. 

Post # 24
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

 

View original reply
gemchick82:  I am so very sorry that this is happening to you. I have been in a similar situation with a guy following, contacting, stalking me. If this does not happen to other people , they will not understand. They will think you are crazy. They do not know the anxiety, the stress and all the other emotions that you have. Good luck to you and your husband.

Post # 25
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

View original reply
purrrbaby:  Restraining orders aren’t easy to get. You’re probably not going to get one because someone has been spamming you with text messages or phone calls.

Post # 26
Member
13790 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Did H ever have a relationship with this woman? I’m assuming that your post was worded unclearly, and that this was never the case after he met you, but what about before you were in the picture? 

To state the obvious, these two met in an extended care mental health facility. There is a good chance that this woman continues to suffer from some serious emotional or psychiatric issues.   If she is irrational or unstable, she may not even have the capacity to understand or accept that H is serious about  breaking ties. 

If she continues to pursue H in a way that seems to show a disconnect with reality, I would contact her family and perhaps even her doctor, if you know who that is. If things escalate further you may have to talk to the authorities. 

TBH, I can see being frustrated by H’s initial unwillingness to cut off the excessive communication, but unless they had had a past affair, I’m confused as  to why you immediately jumped to the conclusion he could be sleeping with her only five months after your own wedding. There seems to be a bit more to this story. 

Post # 27
Member
861 posts
Busy bee

Ok..I get it a bit. I’ve been a jealous biotch at times.

But your H told her to back off and blocked her. She had to go as far as reaching out to his parents to try to snake her way into his life.  He let you speak/threaten her. What’s he doing wrong? He can’t help it if this crazy (obviously mental ward worthy) chick lives in some imaginary world where she has something with him.

Yes, he invited this by speaking to her more…at first. But like you said you have male friends ..etc. He thought he was helping her. But the moment he realized it was getting to point of disrespecting your marriage (when you told him because he’s dense) he stopped. 

Don’t blame his parents either. I mean come on, it’s easy to ignore someone.  Just ignore, have him ignore and poof she will eventually give up.

For all you know he isn’t the only guy she’s stalking.  This could be her full time job. 

Post # 28
Member
10284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
charmmykitty:  no,I get it, I’ve been stalked. I’ve also had my ( now ex) boyfriend blame me for the actions of a crazy man who was stalking me.

That is why I am telling her she needs to contact police and mental facility. It’s also why she needs to stop blaming her husband, unless there is more to the story. But if she’s just letting her jealousy hand the stlaker a big win, she is playing a losing hand.

Post # 29
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
crazyventures:  I agree. My ex actually hit me and I had to fight like hell for a restraining order. They’re hard to get 

Post # 30
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

just echoing the restraining order thing. I have one against my ex and it had to be court ordered based on police charges. You can’t just get one because someone won’t stop texting. There’s lots of ways to cut someone from your life without tearing down your other relationships…. Or going to jail… Lol

The topic ‘I’m at a loss here…and I would really like to not go to court/jail.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors