(Closed) I’m at a loss here…and I would really like to not go to court/jail.

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 

crazyventures:  they have no reasonable proof but the police department can tell them that when they go file it. lol. there’s a Police officer bee who can explain better to OP.

Post # 32
Member
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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purrrbaby:  Even though you have the right “solution” for this situation, a restraining order would be impossible to obtain over this. She would need solid proof that this chick is being a nuisance and affecting the OP’s quality of life. In other words, you can’t get a restraining order because some bitch is texting your husband. 

The only way she could get that proof is making a Police Report. Except a Police Report is to document a crime, texting isn’t a crime. 

This is just a problem the OP needs to handle on her own with her husband and it seems they already made some changes towards the right direction.

I do think OP needs to chill out, go to jail? Over some idiot who’s texting your husband? That’s ridiculous and extremely immature. 

-LEO Bee 

Post # 33
Member
13799 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Do document everything though, just in case. 

Post # 35
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

The bottom line is that you need to trust your partner. If you don’t trust your husband not to cheat on you with her than you have bigger problems than just her being around. She isn’t the one who’s in charge of your husband remaining faithful and, actually, neither are you. He will certainly have opportunities to cheat and he has to be the one deciding not to act on it. If you don’t trust him to do that or you know he would cheat on you, then you need to work on those larger problems in your relationship. This woman contacting him may seem like the problem, but she’s not. 

To be clear, I’m really sorry you’re in a tough situation in your relationship. It sounds like your husband isn’t giving you the reassurance you need and deserve. We don’t know the whole situation, we only know what you tell us. I just hope that you and your husband work it out and that you begin to feel better about this situation.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by vintagefemme.
Post # 36
Member
2850 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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Bellagiobride:  

killabytch!  I love it!

Post # 37
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

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purrrbaby:  Yeah. Sorry I worked for the DA and it kills me when people are so flippant about “getting a restraining order.” Real life doesn’t work like that! 

Post # 38
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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vintagefemme:  of course the OP doesn’t trust her husband.  Suddenly, out of nowhere some woman keeps contacting him.  He must be doing something for her to keep contacting him.  People don’t continue trying to stay in touch if you give them the cold shoulder.

The OP is upset, she wanted to vent.  I can’t believe the responses she’s gotten.  I don’t know any women that would be okay with this situation.

Post # 39
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I feel sorry for you.  It is very lonely to be in a relationship when your partner isn’t as committed as you.  I also helped my ex out of a financial hole.  My family didn’t like him either and stopped visiting me.  Then my ex resented me.  The more I helped him the less he helped himself and the more he resented me.  I was just a paycheck to him.  He cheated on me at least once before I divorced him.  He eventually put a loaded gun to my head before left.  He lied to his friends about me and kept me from talking to most of his friends or their spouses so I didnt know what was going on with him.

I hope your situation does not turn out like mine did.  It would be wise for both of you to change your home and cell phone numbers.  Your husband needs to discourage this other woman from visiting him and his parents. It is frightening to hear his confession that he deleted emails complaining about you to the other woman.  Marriage counseling might be an option for you.  Both of you need to learn to deal with your feelings toward each other.  Your husband needs to stop confiding in this other woman.

I wish you peace and security and happiness in the future.  If your marriage gets through this it will be that much stronger.

Post # 40
Member
2835 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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gemchick82:  I’m sorry you’re going through this.  I highly suggest couples counseling.  I know everyone on this site suggest that, but DH and I are actually currently going to a therapist so that we can communicate better.   I think you have some trust issues to work out with DH.  I would be suspicious and upset if DH deleted text and set his phone on vibrate.  Hopefully a therapist would help you resolve all your issues or help you resolve the marriage.

Post # 41
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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MrsPiggles:  There you are! Thanks for explaining better!

Post # 42
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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Tinatiny1:  Only the people that have been stalked will know how it is. There are people responding like she is overreacting and dramatic which is not the case. She should do exactly what you said if it gets worse or continues. She came here for advice and some people get on and slam her for that.

Post # 43
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is likely that this girl thinks you are crazy after you cursed her out (!) and feels oh so sorry for your husband. And your husband just can’t say no to this girl? Something def going on there, at the minimum he likes the attention. I would certainly be….displeased.

Post # 44
Member
10284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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charmmykitty:  yeah, good point bee. being stalked is pretty terrifying.

Sounds like there is more to the OPs sit though, since she updated. seems like her husband is egging this woman on:-( 

Post # 45
Member
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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crazyventures:  Yeah the whole restraining order thing really annoys me too. Not only are they REALLY difficult to get, but they stay in your record, not only that, you can’t event buy a gun (in the case you ever wanted to, and with the way our country is going…….that wouldn’t be a bad thing to have), restraining orders come up in your background, they can affect your chances of getting a new job, they are no joke!!!!! But you already know all this 🙂

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purrrbaby:  You are welcome! Happy to help 😉

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