(Closed) I’m at a loss here…and I would really like to not go to court/jail.

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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Tinatiny1: yeah. Agreed. I wish OP had shared that earlier because I definitely thought she was overreacting to texts and someone who isn’t part of the relationship. 

now that the DH isn’t blameles, it’s quite the pickle. ::sads::

Post # 47
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

You left out all those details from your original post so peoples responses were apporiate. now you add that your husband is encouring the attention after the fact. we arent mind readers. 

Post # 48
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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bitsybee:  agreed, that was a lot to leave out and is a sad update:-( 

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bklynbridetobe:  

Post # 49
Member
13768 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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gemchick82:  That explains a lot. I’m sorry you’re going through this and it all sounds suspicious to me, too. I will say that in your place, had all this taken place before the wedding, there wouldn’t have been one. At this point, I think individual counseling is a must.  After the multiple betrayals that have been proven to have taken place, not sure I would feel there is anything to save. 

Post # 50
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It depends where you live, but contact the police. Here it is illegal to make ‘annoying phone calls’.  At least they will contact her and tell her to knock it off which may work.

Post # 51
Member
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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kl1987:  Tricky thing about the “Annoying phone calls” thing….. She wouldn’t be able to make a report for that because she isn’t the one receiving the calls. Also the calls are from a person to whom the husband actually talks to, so they technically aren’t annoying. 

And my response to the OP, girlfriend you didn’t tell the whole story! The update starts to make more sense. As despicable as this woman sounds……..your husband is (in my opinion) the biggest problem here. No “rejected” woman is going to act this way. He is leading her on and God only knows how far this has gone. Nobody wants to go through this 5 months into marriage but at the same time, people don’t change overnight. You said he had another issue with another co worker. How long ago was this? And you still married him? Idk OP, I think it is actually a blessing that this is happening now. At least you didn’t invest too much time on this and you can move on if you wish. 

Good luck to you 🙂

Post # 52
Member
6584 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well your updated post cleared things up a lot. Your DH seems to be playing an active part in this. He is the root of this problem as he is encouraging this to continue.

Post # 54
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is so sad. I truly wish the best for you, OP. Big, big hugs to you. I hope you find the best way to cope with this, whether it is to stay or leave. I’m very sorry you’re in this situation. 🙁

Post # 55
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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gemchick82:  hun, I am so sorry. I think your OP made it sound as if your husband had a stalker he was trying to avoid, rather than having a potential affair… Your friends and family suck for not being supportive during this awful time – in fact they sound downright abusive emotionally. It’s not your fault! I really think you guys need to see a therapist. And maybe separate for a bit… Just so your husband can see that you are not going to let this go on. 

Post # 56
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Look, you are obviously a smart cookie with a M. Eng. And don’t ever let people tell you that your weight is the cause of your problems, that you’re not good enough, that’s nonsense. I suspect that perhaps you chose wrong and your husband is not good enough for you. 

Post # 57
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

 

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gemchick82:  I was with someone for 3 years that started to do the same. He would hide his phone, silence it, even change names so I would think he was texting guys and not these women. If they’re still contacting him he is most likely still contacting them. I would advise for you to look at the cell phone bills itemized statement to see if he’s deleting any texts. Once my SO and I moved in together the last 3 monthsof our relationship I thought the problems had stopped. But he was using me for my money and to get out of the house for the first time. Then I saw him for who he was when he started with the threats when I was on to him. Multiple emotional affairs turned to him threatening me, locking me in closets, hitting me, and chasing me around the house when I was just trying to be alone. I tried to get a restraining order and the judge just told me to go home to my parents and sleep on the floor, leaving my dog and 2 cats with this abuser. He refused to give me a restraining order. By some miracle he left on his own that night and the police were called. They said if he returns to call. He did return and got violent with the officers. I really did the best by just leaving him.

 

He had made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. He was the only one that would deal with me,  I was too fat, too ugly, not good enough. But then I started dating my Fiance after a year alone learning who I was. Similar crazy bitches started in on him but he told them off. Deleted them from his life. And his parents know they’re not in our lives. 

The point I’m trying to make is to focus on your life, yourself, and what you really want for yourself. No one that deserves you will make you feel like this. I wish you the best with what you decide to do but please know you aren’t alone in this feeling. It will get better. You deserve someone that loves you and cares for you as you do for them. You are beautiful and amazing. Don’t let this tear you down. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by KelliQ513.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by KelliQ513.
Post # 58
Member
13768 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I can start to see why your parents were so opposed to your relationship. Just because they are awful and  overly critical of you in general, doesn’t mean they were wrong about your H. And frankly, it does sound suspiciously like he’s been using you. 

 

The topic ‘I’m at a loss here…and I would really like to not go to court/jail.’ is closed to new replies.

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