- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Hi Everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve been on these boards but I am writing because I could really use some advice. Most of you don’t remember me because I’ve been waiting awhile and have been keeping a low profile these past 6-10 months. Some details: My bf and I have been dating for over 3 years and living together for two. I am about to turn 27 and he’s about to turn 32. When I last posted, I was looking for a job and my bf and I decided to save for a wedding- just a little bit each month. We had discussed a timeframe that would have ended in about a year from now.I WAS NOT Happy with that timeframe at all but willing to accept it because it was better than nothing.
After that, I got a job with the first place that interviewed me because I didn’t think I could get any other one. I knew I would hate it and I did. For 7 months, I was miserable to the point my job was affecting my health. I decided to quit my job and my bf an I decided to make some serious changes in our lives. We’ve lived together for about two years. For the past year and a half, he has been working really hard to keep his fulltime job and start a business. I have been super supportive to the point where I should put “executive Assistiant” of his company on my resume. After talking awhile, we have decided that I need to move in order to find a better and more fulfilling job and I plan to move in about a month. He will come join me as soon as possible.
I now have come to some dilemmas… After talking to him last week, we relalize he will NOT be sticking to a timeline because he doesn’t have the money to save for his business and the engagement. I am not pleased with this at all. I tried to assure him I don’t need a fancy ring or engagement or even a wedding. I told him we can stop saving for a wedding if that means we will get engaged in a year. This totally backfired. He got really offended. It is now obvious I REALLY don’t understand men. I thought taking the pressure off of him would be a nice thing to do. I told him my priorities are as follows: 1) be with him, 2) be married to him, 3) my career, 4) be engaged to him. His priorities are from what I can judge from our talks are: 1) be with me, 2) career 3)be engaged 4) and he doesnt give a s**t about the wedding. He has only been saving for a wedding because it’s what I want. BUT he told me he wants to give me a special engagement. This blew my mind. I get where he;s coming from, especially since the engagement is what guys have the most control over. So I said, well, maybe you should stop saving for the wedding (Duh, b/c we’re not engaged, nor plan to be any time soon) and just save for the engagement. I forget the specifics, but he was not cool with that plan either.
So, if you’ve stuck with me so far, (thanks!) One more twist… after speaking to my mom, Negative Nancy, about my move, she said “what makes you think he would give up his job and move his business if you leave.” Now that idea is festering in my head….Also, I had an ex bf who strung me along and after 5 years of dating and him possesing a ring for 9 months, he never proposed. My insecurity alarms are going off now and it is making me really upset. I know my bf loves me and I can’t see myself leaving. I would really appreciate any ideas of how to be more patient or how to find some better compromises. I think I’m losing my mind… thanks!