- Dulce de Leche
- 5 years ago
Hi, bees! How I’ve missed the dialogue on this board! I am happy to see that so many of you have gotten engaged or married, and I pray your dreams of wedded bliss are coming true.
I stopped visiting the board a year ago, when my fiance broke off our engagement on March 1, 2012. While it was not the romantic engagement with a ring (more of a conversation where we agreed to get married), we were making plans to get married and start our lives together.
I was devastated beyond words. In fact, I felt that my entire life had slipped away from me. I sank into a deep depression, and things are getting better, but I never knew life could get that dark for me.
We have worked on our relationship the past year, and 2012 was one of our hardest during our 7+ year relationship. I’m glad that we are still hanging in there, and making strides to be closer and more open with one another. We are in a better place.
While I am trying not to pressure him about marriage, every day I feel the sadness and heaviness of not having him as my husband and us having children. It’s a very deep sadness indeed, especially when he has children of his own and I would love to treat them as my own. I am in my late 30s now. I do not mention marriage at all because it is just too heartbreaking to have another conversation that gets my hopes up only to be let down by broken promises.
Can any of you offer some waiting advice for a long-time bee in waiting? I have pursued another academic degree, which has kept me occupied. I read a lot, I have taken more personal trips, I try to hang out with friends and spend time with people’s children (which soothes me tremendously).
I am relocating soon for work reasons, coincidentally closer to the city that my SO lives. I am realistic that this move does not in any way mean we will get married.
This role in my company will require lots of travel and keep me very busy. In addition, I have the option to take an expat assignment with my company in a year if I choose, so I wouldn’t need feel “stuck” in that city.
I am trying to be positive. There are so many feelings I have at times that I feel I can’t confide to anyone in my life. I don’t want him to know the depths of my hurt; that just seems to drive men away. Thanks for letting me unload.
I know many of you have gone through various stages of emotions while waiting, and some of you in long-term relationships. I am with him for the long haul; just trying to make it through this painful, uncertain, unsecure, “not engaged or married” period.
Good to be back!