(Closed) I'm Back…One Year Later Still Waiting

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh my goodness, I don’t have any advice but I feel like you must really love him if you’re waiting so long and don’t really seem resentful about it! I can tell you are sad, which is totally understandable! I hope things work out for you!!

Post # 5
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@Dulce de Leche:  Wow you have the patience of a saint! I don’t have any words of advice – I’m much weaker and could not wait as long as you without becoming all resentful. Good luck, and I hope it all works out!

Post # 7
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

All I can say is good luck and to live your life for you.  Do not waste your time being unfulfilled – life is too short to be unhappy.


I ended a relationship about a year ago with someone who had major commitment issues.  So much so that he encouraged me to take a job halfway across the country because “it would be a good test of our relationship”.  He changed “the plan” from him moving out here or us moving somewhere together to me moving back to him.  He would say he wanted to get married, but any actual talk or ring shopping would freak him out.  He would make promises (to meet up online, or to call) and then forget.  He wouldn’t return phone calls.


The breaking point for me was that I realized that random strangers treated me better than my ex.  I knew then that I could no longer afford to wait for him to treat me better or get engaged. (I want to have two kids by the time I’m 35, and that timeline comfortably required me to get engaged last year)


I’m now happily engaged to someone who is my perfect match, treats me incredibly and is totally committed.  This happened out of a little bit of luck and probably great timing; we both knew what we wanted and happened to find the perfect match for us.  I did not have to wait for FI; the anxiety I felt with my ex regarding an engagement never happened with Fiance.  “Waiting” for Fiance was more like waiting for a ring – we had a difficult time with a custom ring designer and finally found our ring at a small boutique.  I knew his committment was there and I didn’t have to wonder when or if it would happen.


Your life (traveling for work a lot, extra school) and relationship (sounds like an LDR) isn’t conducive to a stable, long-term relationship.  Not saying that it couldn’t be done, but it’s much harder to grow and maintain a relationship with all of that other stuff going on.


If being married is what you really, truly want, I honestly do not think you are with the right fellow.  But if being with him is more important to you than getting married (and it sounds like it is), then I wish you the best of luck in finding joy and happiness in your life with the status quo.


Post # 8
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

If you are worried about confiding in your partner that you are deeply hurting for fear of driving him away, then it isn’t a healthy, functional relationship. I know that hurts to hear. He should be the first person you know you can turn to, and there should be no worries about being 100% honest.

Story time: In my late 20s I was in that same position, worried to tell my SO that I was not completely happy because I was scared that doing so would push him away. Everyone kept telling me that it shouldn’t be that way, that I should feel more comfortable telling him that something was wrong than I felt confiding in my friends, etc. I didn’t listen. I thought that since relationships are “hard work”, my concerns were natural and I just needed to work harder at making myself a more confident, non-pressuring partner for him. Turns out that it was all bullshit that I was telling myself to make-up for his lack as a true partner to me.  I can only tell you that when I had similar thoughts, I ended up wasting years and countless tears on a relationship that would never really fulfill my needs. Ending things with my ex was one of the best gifts I ever gave myself. It hurt like hell, but it freed me to meet someone who is always my confidante and bends over backwards to meet my needs. Life is too short to spend it feeling sad.

Post # 9
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Dulce de Leche:  I just wanted to say that I really admire the way you view the whole situation. 🙂

Post # 10
482 posts
Helper bee

@sheepandbear:  you admire her willingness to sacrifice her needs (i.e marriage,kids) in order to stay in a relationship where she cant even confide in her partner about her unhappiness? this isn’t healthy.


i just dont understand this way of thinking. im a big LOA supporter, but in certain situations you have to be realistic. this isnt something i can admire, i feel sad for the OP. 


but if staying with him trumps your wants then i guess its all about acceptance at this point in your relationship..


Post # 12
394 posts
Helper bee

@Dulce de Leche:  It’s very obvious you really really love this man, but after reading your post -it makes me wonder if love is enough for you? There are things in life that you CLEARLY want – like children & it sounds like you are sacrificing that just to be with him? And if you are going to marry this man, shouldn’t you be able to express all your feelings to him?

I am reminded of the “sex and the city” episode where Carrie tells Aiden she needs more time to pin down a date for their wedding, and Aiden asks her “well how long? a month, 6 months, and year?” to which carrie replies “which year?” in the end we all know how that turned out.

none the less,best of luck to you & i hope you find the peace & resolution you are looking for. <3

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