(Closed) I’m begging you, please…. (treatment of the young brides)

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well said! I’ve just turned 21, and I’ve found if I read enough of those sort of comments I start doubting myself and think people think I’m being stupid. But at the end of the day, we love each other and we are 110% commited to making our marriage last forever.

Post # 4
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m a 31 year old bride, but I have also noticed those comments a lot lately, and don’t like them at all.  I’m glad you posted this.

Post # 5
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Well said. Honestly I think people, both younger and older get married sometimes to the wrong person or for the wrong reason. I recently went to a wedding of a 20 year old bride and her 23 year old husband, and they are by far one of the most mature, responsible couples I know – older and younger. At their ages now, they are more financially secure than my 27 year old cousin and his 28 year old wife, as well as other couples we know.

Post # 6
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree. 

And I’m one of those that would be miserable if I’d married the boyfriend I had at 19. BUT they aren’t me, they aren’t dating him, and who is to say that they aren’t in the right place with the right person at the right time?  Everyone is different and who are we to judge them or their partner without knowing them at all.

I wouldn’t want someone telling me not to marry Fiance because I was too old/young whatever.

Post # 7
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m glad you posted this. Without fail, these people are trying to be helpful but let’s keep it to topics asking if they think young marriages are okay, or whatever, not a topic asking for advice on how to deal with negative reactions. 

On one level, I don’t care what people I’ve never met think about young marriage. On the other hand, it’s hard not to go and defend every blatant logical fallacy. I’m so sick of seeing people suggest that you need more life experience/to date other people/to find your independent self while having no knowledge of the mental maturity of the poster or the details of their life. 

I think it’s funny because I’ve been with my fiance for 6 years, and it will be 8 by the time we get married. That’s what has worked for us, but I’d never dream of going on a post asking how to cope with naysayers in relation to an engagement after a year-long relationship and say “well, everyone is different BUT I wouldn’t get married so soon because when we had only been together for a year we didn’t know x, y or z about each other.” 

Post # 8
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Amen!

I’m 23 and I certainly don’t feel too young. I hardly ever venture over to the 20-something board because every time I go to that board (which is actually the board I would probably feel the most at-home at) I end up reading posts that just make me feel down. Asking for an opinion about marriage at a young age is one thing, but when a girl comes seeking advice and has to wade through all these horror-stories or “I wouldn’t do that if I were you because….” posts…well, it just isn’t that helpful, even if the best of intentions are behind it.  

Post # 9
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

oh, gals, sorry to hear you are feeling unsupported.  some people really are ready for marriage at that age.  i have two friends who got married last year and they were 21 and 22 at the time, and i have full confidence that they will make it in the long run.  i think that people are just trying to look at the bigger picture, and not being very sensitive when they do it.  i think it is statistically proven that marriages that begin super young are less likely to last,  but a statistic is no indication of your personal relationship!  perhaps you are the outlier on the regression! (sorry, dorky MBA talk…can you tell i took a stats class recently?)

Post # 10
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

also, logically speaking, if you’re not a “young” bride yourself, of COURSE you will personally have horror stories/less than optimal relationship stories from that time.  of course you will want to share cautionary tales from past mishaps.. but only because any relationships prior to your soon to be husbands are less than perfect.  maybe these girls are lucky enough to find their perfect match sooner rather than later.  : )   

Post # 11
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Fwiw my sister married my bro in law when she was 21. They’d just both graduated from college (he was 22).  While it was hard financially for them, they both did what they could and she had her degree and literally (aside from his student loans) put them through his med school years, paying for their home, cars, etc.

They’ve been married happily almost 20 years now, and are planning a wonderful 20 year vow renewal in vegas which we’ll happily attend!

They made it through med school, internship, her owning two dress boutiques and then now she’s getting ready to launch an interior design blog (i’ll yet ya’ll know when it’s launched!) as I feel she’s finally answering her inner call!

They’re still in love after all this time.  They take a nice couples’ only anniversary trip (usually caribbean) each year, and it’s all good.

 

 

Post # 12
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Agreed!  We got married at 21/22.  Of course, I don’t have long run statistics or anything since we just got married last year but I’m sick of the people saying that we don’t know what we want and aren’t mature enough to get married.  People can grow and change together, you don’t have to grow apart.  Yes, it requires more work because you are changing and learning, but all relationships require work in different ways.

Post # 13
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I agree and even though I am average age to get married at 25 I have had people say similiar things and with that atititude who would ever get married!! Also maybe a little insipration my mom had me at 18 and married my father at 20 and they have now been married 23 years and are very very happy and not to toot my own horn but I think I exceeded all my moms friends and family expectations of a daughter she had at 18!

Sorry kinda went of on a personal rant!!

Post # 14
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I feel the same. I am 20 and my Boyfriend or Best Friend is 24. The number one thing I hear from friends is “I could never imagine being married right now.” Well good then don’t get married but I plan on it. I have spent 3 years with the best man I have ever met. We talk day and night about marriage, kids, church, money and all the things it takes to get far in the long run. I do not need you to ask me if i’m sure i’m ready for that or why not wait. Guess what… Us getting married now or waiting another 5 years is not going to change the fact that we love one another. I have really begun to experiance the nonstop flow of personal opinions in the world. Why does it bother you if me and my Boyfriend or Best Friend want to get married? It has not effect on your life.

Post # 15
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just a thought…if you are asking for advice on how to handle comments, maybe it is useful to understand why people say the things that they do. That way you’ll have more perspective and can treat these comments accordingly.

Post # 16
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

take it this way. if your 19,20,21,22 and someone older says don’t just listen to your 19-22 year old help. they are the ones that know you better not the ones who say don’t..  so just go with the 20 year olds and  you will get nothing but positive feedback.

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