Post # 1
I’ve seen a huge number of threads posted in the 20something catergory that say “I’m a 18/19/20 year old bride and get a lot of negative comments. How do you deal with these comments?” and unfailingly, on ever single one of these threads, a few helpful comments are made and then there’s a parade of “more experienced” brides talking about what a trainwreck their life would have been if they had married the guy they were with at that age.
Please try to be constructive. This is not helpful at all, and just brings down those of us who are happy to be getting married this young. If you see a post called “I’m 20 and want opinions on whether or not I’m too young” then by all means post, but when someone wants advice she shouldn’t have to wade through stories of drunken one-night stands and abusive exes.
Please try to respect all of the other brides on here. We’re not here to judge. We’re here to help.
Post # 3
Well said! I’ve just turned 21, and I’ve found if I read enough of those sort of comments I start doubting myself and think people think I’m being stupid. But at the end of the day, we love each other and we are 110% commited to making our marriage last forever.
Post # 4
I’m a 31 year old bride, but I have also noticed those comments a lot lately, and don’t like them at all. I’m glad you posted this.
Post # 5
Well said. Honestly I think people, both younger and older get married sometimes to the wrong person or for the wrong reason. I recently went to a wedding of a 20 year old bride and her 23 year old husband, and they are by far one of the most mature, responsible couples I know – older and younger. At their ages now, they are more financially secure than my 27 year old cousin and his 28 year old wife, as well as other couples we know.
Post # 6
And I’m one of those that would be miserable if I’d married the boyfriend I had at 19. BUT they aren’t me, they aren’t dating him, and who is to say that they aren’t in the right place with the right person at the right time? Everyone is different and who are we to judge them or their partner without knowing them at all.
I wouldn’t want someone telling me not to marry Fiance because I was too old/young whatever.
Post # 7
I’m glad you posted this. Without fail, these people are trying to be helpful but let’s keep it to topics asking if they think young marriages are okay, or whatever, not a topic asking for advice on how to deal with negative reactions.
On one level, I don’t care what people I’ve never met think about young marriage. On the other hand, it’s hard not to go and defend every blatant logical fallacy. I’m so sick of seeing people suggest that you need more life experience/to date other people/to find your independent self while having no knowledge of the mental maturity of the poster or the details of their life.
I think it’s funny because I’ve been with my fiance for 6 years, and it will be 8 by the time we get married. That’s what has worked for us, but I’d never dream of going on a post asking how to cope with naysayers in relation to an engagement after a year-long relationship and say “well, everyone is different BUT I wouldn’t get married so soon because when we had only been together for a year we didn’t know x, y or z about each other.”
Post # 8
I’m 23 and I certainly don’t feel too young. I hardly ever venture over to the 20-something board because every time I go to that board (which is actually the board I would probably feel the most at-home at) I end up reading posts that just make me feel down. Asking for an opinion about marriage at a young age is one thing, but when a girl comes seeking advice and has to wade through all these horror-stories or “I wouldn’t do that if I were you because….” posts…well, it just isn’t that helpful, even if the best of intentions are behind it.
Post # 9
oh, gals, sorry to hear you are feeling unsupported. some people really are ready for marriage at that age. i have two friends who got married last year and they were 21 and 22 at the time, and i have full confidence that they will make it in the long run. i think that people are just trying to look at the bigger picture, and not being very sensitive when they do it. i think it is statistically proven that marriages that begin super young are less likely to last, but a statistic is no indication of your personal relationship! perhaps you are the outlier on the regression! (sorry, dorky MBA talk…can you tell i took a stats class recently?)
Post # 10
also, logically speaking, if you’re not a “young” bride yourself, of COURSE you will personally have horror stories/less than optimal relationship stories from that time. of course you will want to share cautionary tales from past mishaps.. but only because any relationships prior to your soon to be husbands are less than perfect. maybe these girls are lucky enough to find their perfect match sooner rather than later. : )
Post # 11
Fwiw my sister married my bro in law when she was 21. They’d just both graduated from college (he was 22). While it was hard financially for them, they both did what they could and she had her degree and literally (aside from his student loans) put them through his med school years, paying for their home, cars, etc.
They’ve been married happily almost 20 years now, and are planning a wonderful 20 year vow renewal in vegas which we’ll happily attend!
They made it through med school, internship, her owning two dress boutiques and then now she’s getting ready to launch an interior design blog (i’ll yet ya’ll know when it’s launched!) as I feel she’s finally answering her inner call!
They’re still in love after all this time. They take a nice couples’ only anniversary trip (usually caribbean) each year, and it’s all good.
Post # 12
Agreed! We got married at 21/22. Of course, I don’t have long run statistics or anything since we just got married last year but I’m sick of the people saying that we don’t know what we want and aren’t mature enough to get married. People can grow and change together, you don’t have to grow apart. Yes, it requires more work because you are changing and learning, but all relationships require work in different ways.
Post # 13
I agree and even though I am average age to get married at 25 I have had people say similiar things and with that atititude who would ever get married!! Also maybe a little insipration my mom had me at 18 and married my father at 20 and they have now been married 23 years and are very very happy and not to toot my own horn but I think I exceeded all my moms friends and family expectations of a daughter she had at 18!
Sorry kinda went of on a personal rant!!
Post # 14
I feel the same. I am 20 and my BF is 24. The number one thing I hear from friends is “I could never imagine being married right now.” Well good then don’t get married but I plan on it. I have spent 3 years with the best man I have ever met. We talk day and night about marriage, kids, church, money and all the things it takes to get far in the long run. I do not need you to ask me if i’m sure i’m ready for that or why not wait. Guess what… Us getting married now or waiting another 5 years is not going to change the fact that we love one another. I have really begun to experiance the nonstop flow of personal opinions in the world. Why does it bother you if me and my BF want to get married? It has not effect on your life.
Post # 15
Just a thought…if you are asking for advice on how to handle comments, maybe it is useful to understand why people say the things that they do. That way you’ll have more perspective and can treat these comments accordingly.
Post # 16
take it this way. if your 19,20,21,22 and someone older says don’t just listen to your 19-22 year old help. they are the ones that know you better not the ones who say don’t.. so just go with the 20 year olds and you will get nothing but positive feedback.