I'm Being Cheated On, Right?!

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
2021 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anotheranon456 :  I don’t know how anyone can say that all these events together, especially with his past and previously trying to hide cheating from you by switching communication methods, doesn’t add up to cheating. Because it absofreakinglutely does. 

Post # 32
Member
9589 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Do you know his passwords for facebook, email etc? I’d be all over that shit. Sorry not sorry.

I’d say check the phone records too, but if he’s using facebook for video chat I’m guessing he already knows how to get around having it show up on the phone bill.

Post # 33
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee

Whether he’s cheating or not, you know he’s a liar and has a history of emotionally cheating on you in the past. That would be enough for me to be done.

Collect evidence if you need to to feel satisfied, but I don’t think you need it. I’m sorry to say that since you’re married, but I don’t see how you can trust him again. Without trust, you have nothing.

Post # 34
Member
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Whether you can find evidence of cheating or not is irrelevant.  Snoop if you must if it helps you solidify your feelings and pins him down, but regardless of what you find you already know everything you need to know to make an informed decision on the state of your marriage. 

You know for a fact that he is a liar.  You know he doesn’t respect you.  You know that he makes poor choices about his interactions with other women.  And you know you will probably never be able to trust him again. 

No matter what evidence you do or do not find, don’t let him sweet talk/gaslight you into believing this is anything short of an egregious breach of your marriage vows. 

I’m so sorry bee.  I hope you’re able to navigate this nightmare with dignity and come out the other side a better, stonger woman. 

Post # 35
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

No history with cheating but I wouldn’t feel the slightest bit bad to snoop before you have your conversation. I think its the best plan of attack to come in with all the evidence you can find.

Is there a friend or family member you trust to enlist to help gather any intel you would need or want to find? Just thinking they could help play dumb and get info from him or the ex-girl somehow. 

Also… if you have an iPhone and your phone did the new update you could set up the “Find My” location tracking app to find his location. He has to share his location with you though, but perhaps you could sneak to his phone and set it up and play dumb if he sees the notification that he shared his location. “Oh, idk my phone set that up too when it updated.” 

Post # 36
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

Whether or not he’s cheating, this marriage is over. No one should continue living with someone they have reason to think this little of. 

Post # 37
Member
6841 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

To me it all boils down to how I want to live my life. Do I want to live my life constantly having panic attacks, never being able to trust a word my husband says, thinking about following him every single time he leaves the house? 

It’s not fucking worth it! Even if he’s not cheating (this time!) my mental well being and sanity is worth so much more then living in that kind of emotional turmoil. That is no way to live your life. Find someone you can love and trust with all your heart. Not someone you have to constantly worry about and keep tabs on. 

Post # 38
Member
349 posts
Helper bee

llevinso :  This exactly!

I would never be in a marriage with a man I had to babysit. That is no way to live.

This marriage will end – if OP is smart she will end it now. Or she will spend months/years living unhappily and end it later. So sorry OP but you deserve better and the first step to that is leaving this sham marriage.

Post # 39
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If you have a vehicle with onstar you can track it discretely in the app. It will show location, how long it’s been there. 

Post # 40
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

Once someone lies to you it’s almost impossible to get back to what once was.

to me my opinion weather or not he is cheating no one knows for sure but this is what is known

hes cheated in the past emotionally (still cheating)

Once you are married or in a committed relatinship you shouldn’t put yourself in a position that could make your spouse question you, and put yourself in a position that clearly your not strong enough to deal with hense your past. And third the minute you tell a lie small or otherwise it shows the lack of respect you have for your spouse as well as the underlying motive which may or may not have happened but I believe if he wasn’t caught would have happened. 

If he knew you would “react” a certain way then he shouldn’t have any contact with her to begin with, period!!! anotheranon456 :  

Post # 41
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

DEFINITELY snoop. Get all the evidence you can and bring it with you to the lawyer’s office. Infidelity is illegal in many states, and looked down upon in all. 

Post # 42
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

anotheranon456 :  Hi Bee, it does sound like to me he is cheating. I say this out of experience. He may tell you a million times he’s sorry and loves you, but apoligies without change is manipulation. Even if he isn’t cheating, he is being shady and not giving you the correct reassurance, and instead is trying to make you feel crazy. Be straight up and tell him to be truthful, and you’ll do the same. There needs to be honesty between you two. I truly hope he isn’t cheating, and if he is you know your worth well enough to step away. 

Post # 43
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

call a lawyer. 

Post # 44
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

It really sounds like he’s cheating. And even if he wasn’t (a very small sliver of possibility) he still seems like a man who can’t truly be trusted. Everything that you have described seems very sneaky and intentional, which to me is the worst part.  You don’t deserve to live your life always questioning what your husband is doing when he runs to the grocery store, or who’s texting him when he’s looking at his phone. That sounds like a life of misery. Being able to be fully confident in your relationship/your partner shouldn’t be a luxury.. it is a necessity. 

I say – gather evidence, keep an extra copy of that evidence, and blow his shitty game wide open.

Post # 45
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

When this happened to me I looked up the girls number and called her.  He’s lying to you, he’s probably lying to her too. It wasn’t easy but I got my answers. 

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