(Closed) I’m being judge-y

posted 9 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

now is an incredible time to buy a house.  prices are way down and you get a tax credit if you close by the end of the year.  if i wasnt tied to a lease for another 8 months, id be trying to purchase by Nov 30.  Sorry, cant side with you.  But I understand the felling of ‘what the hell are you doing?’  when an unemployed friend had her SECOND baby out of wedlock, I definitely thought, ‘what the hell are you doing?’.  I think its pretty natural to complare other people’s decisions to what youd do in a similar situation.  Just dont voice them aloud…

Post # 4
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You never really know someone’s true financial situation. Maybe they have an inheritance or their parents are helping them out. I have a friend whose parents bought a condo for them so that they can live in it for a few years, then their parents will move in when they retire. I don’t think you should be judge-y since it really doesn’t affect you much anyway, other than her missing the trip. You’ll get your own house when you’re able to. Focus on reaching your own goals and how you can get there faster.

Post # 6
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If you have any money now is the time to buy a house! In a few years (by the time he’s finished his degree) the house *should* increase in equity and they could possibly turn a profit. It is never a bad idea to purchase real estate– even if its just temporary. This way they get into the market & don’t have to pay someone else’s mortgage off.

Renting, when you can afford to buy, is basically throwing your money away. This way they’ll have something to show in a few years. Who knows… if they move in a few years they could still rent out the home they purchase now.  

99% of the couples I know didn’t buy their dream home as their first home. Usually to buy or build a dream home you need a lot of money… well the fastest way to get money is to buy real estate. I think your friends are really smart for buying a home! Now is the time to take advantage of the fallen economy. 

Post # 7
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

To be honest with you – yes, you are being judgemental. Their situation is not your situation, so although you can’t imagine you and your Fiance doing the same things…that’s completely fine. 

I have been on the other end of your situation. I had a friend (notice – past tense "had") that didn’t think we should buy a place b/c she didn’t have/plan on buying a place. Needless to say her judgement of us didn’t stop there…we’re no longer friends just for that reason ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 8
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think this is really a "what are they doing" kind of situation, especially since you said that they can afford it.

Is there possibly a part of you that feels in competition with your friends? They’re both students, you’re a student, they just got married, you’re getting married? It can be stressful when everyone around you is doing certain life changing events… it’s a new form of peer pressure!

I’ve definitely felt it… a good portion of my friends have babies & have been married for years and years. Of course, they’re older than me, but I still feel like I’m playing catch up! I can totally relate ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Mrs. Tal, I would probably think the same thing as you.   Buying a house is great if you have a job that can happen ‘anywhere’, but why lay down permanant (financial) roots if you don’t know what exactly you’ll be doing in a few years?

I think a lot of people still believe that they can make quick money by flipping houses – even if they don’t make a single thing to them.   I happen to live outside NYC where people tend to only live in the town for 5 years, until they transition to the ‘burbs’.   Buying a place here was a great idea five years ago, and the five years before that…and everyone made a profit!  Now, no one can unload their homes, and everything is totally overpriced.   People forget that unless they are really doing a ‘fixer upper’…you really should buy a home for the long haul.

Post # 10
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My husband and I bought a house together as juniors in college before we became engaged.  ๐Ÿ™‚  We ended up completely remodeling it while finishing college and both of us working full-time.  We "put down roots," so to speak, in a town we moved away from only a couple months after graduating.  It might seem weird, but it was a really good decision for us; we’re currently renting out that property at a price that pays the mortgage and we have above average credit scores because of our investment.  We knew when we bought the house that we weren’t necessarily going to live there for a long time, but it was a move that we thought would be good for our future.  So far, it’s worked out.

Having said that, when I feel in a "jude-y" mood I tend to complain and whine to my husband for a while.  Usually just hearing the details of someone’s situation doesn’t quell my judge-iness, so I don’t expect my story to change your mind.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

I think a common misconception that people have is that when you buy a house, you need to get rid of it before you buy another one.  You should think of real estate as more of a long-term investment in your future.  Even if the economy doesn’t turn around in the next couple of years and you don’t build that much equity in the house, so what?  When your friends are done with school, they can look for jobs wherever they want and rent the house out.  

You shouldn’t assume that the only thing to do with a house is flip it.  Because prices and mortgage rates are so low right now, buying a house can be a very good investment because as long it is in decent shape (everything works, nice paint, good carpet), they might be able to rent the house out for at least the amount of their mortgage/taxes on the place.  They might even be able to get a positive cash flow out of the property.  Even an extra hundred or two a month over the mortgage payment makes a house a good investment.

So as long as they have some family in the area willing to manage the property for them (get new tenants etc), it doesn’t matter where their careers take them.  They will have a nice investment that isn’t likely to lose value, could possibly supplement their income every month, and while retaining the freedom to one day try to sell it to finance their “dream house”.

Post # 12
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

it is possible that you don’t actually know their financial situation. They could have a trust fund or some inheritance that came to them or their parents are helping them with a down payment and the currently amount they pay in rent will cover the mortgage and so it seems like the only thing to do, this way in 2 years they can sell the house without paying taxes on the profit, that is if they reinvest the money into another house within 12 months (at least I think that is the turning point) and when you think of it, when you rent, there is nothing to show for those $$ after 4 years of college.

Perhaps instead of having a bit of envy, ask them questions about how they are doing this, perhaps you might learn a bit of house buying advice that could help you out, or perhaps you could it would be fun to talk about redecorating .

I think most of us understand these feelings..I currently feel this way about babies and seeing that it is so easy for some people that I have unfairly decided seem to pop babies out even though they don’t really want them or they are COMPLETE accidents and the women say "I don’t even know how I got pregnant, it just seems to happen" (and of course the women that say this seem to have more than 3 kids, didn’t go to college and never believed that they needed to be in any place in life to reproduce….so I envy the freedom from social pressure as well).

Post # 13
Member
5979 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

People make really crappy decision with their money.  It sounds like this is one of them.  I disagree with many of the statements made here about buying real estate – but you know what, that’s one for the persoal finance blogs!

But in the role of friend you can’t do anything about it.  Sucks, but it’s true.  You have to be REALLY close to someone to give them unsolicited financial advice. 

Post # 14
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

don’t be jealous.

Post # 15
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry to say but I think you are being judge-y.  It’s not really your place to say if they should buy a house or not.  Just because they are not done with school doesn’t mean they can’t buy a house.  I think you need to be less concerned and more happy for them.  This is a huge step!!

Post # 16
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I also don’t think that buying a house instead of renting is the most prudent thing, financially. A lot depends on where you live (renting tends to be substantially cheaper than buying in most coastal city markets), closing costs and tax can drive your cost waaay up (and a tax writeoff on interest doesn’t make up for the fact that you had to pay it to begin with). So, depending on your long term goals, your desire to have to deal with household things breaking and needinf repairs, and the market in which you live, it can actually be a bad idea to buy. Especially when you are young and not as up on what it actually means to be buying a house. It sounds like an immature move on their part.

The topic ‘I’m being judge-y’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors