(Closed) I’m brave, I’m brilliant, I’m beautiful, and I can do this… Right?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yup, you sure as hell are, and you sure as hell can do this. I’ll tell you what a (male) friend of mine told me when the ex right before Fiance dumped me: “He broke up with YOU. I mean, you. Seriously, he’s an idiot.” This guy broke up with you and did whatever other awful things he did. Don’t trust or validate whatever judgements he may make about you- no one asked him. You’ve got this. And? No matter how it goes, it’ll be over and done with, your friend will be married, life will go on.

Post # 4
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

YOU CAN and WILL DO THIS!

Don’t give the ex any control. Smile at him if you make eye contact – one that says “I’m brilliant, beautiful and I couldn’t be happier you’re out of my life”. That’ll teach him to leave you alone.

Post # 5
Member
2916 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

You can definitely do this!

Is there a way to ID your ex for your Darling Husband in advance? (A photo online, or at the very least point him out as soon as you see him at the beginning of the wedding.) That will remove the worry that your Darling Husband will strike up a conversation with the evil ex.

Tell your Darling Husband that it’s impossible to forget how much ex hurt you, how grateful you are that the relationship with ex ended and that you were lucky enough to find someone as wonderful as Darling Husband, and that you don’t want to waste another second of your life interacting with the vile man. Tell Darling Husband that you are counting on him to shield you from the ex. Suggest that if ex approaches you, Darling Husband make an excuse to drag you away to talk to someone you haven’t seen in ages or to see the cake or whatever. You ARE beautiful and brave and brilliant, and you can handle this, but your Darling Husband will probably deal better if you help him see his role in this as your knight in shining armor. (Not that you need one! You can kick ass all on your own.)

If ex approaches you when Darling Husband isn’t nearby, say something like, “Mm. Nice to see you again” in the least convincing tone EVER, with the most bored look on your face you can manage. Then maybe, “You’ll have to excuse me, there are so many wonderful people I haven’t seen in a long time that I want to catch up with,” implying of course that ex is NOT ONE OF THEM.

You can do this! You have a fantastic life and you are lucky that it doesn’t include ex, who sounds like a real *insert horrific insult here.* He’s barely a blip on the radar, a tiny insignificant insect.

Post # 6
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@GreenEyedMoon:  It’s completely true – you ARE brave, brilliant, and beautiful, and you CAN do it!!

And what’s more, the thoughts of someone like this, who, from the sound of it, was pretty abusive (emotionally if nothing else), do not matter a DAMN.

I’ll repeat: what your ex thinks of you DOES NOT MATTER.  You care about the opinions of people you respect, right? This guy doesn’t deserve your respect.

Post # 7
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

p.s. And if you feel yourself wavering, just think of those precious kittens in their box back home, and what a wonderful person you are for taking in their mama!!

Post # 8
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You know what?  You are brave, brilliant and beautiful. 

I think that you need to make your dh uncomfortable for a bit and have another conversation about this.  He needs to truly understand that you are upset and scared and you need his help on Sunday.  You need him to stick by your side, and carry a conversation when you can’t, and overall be strong for you.  Tell him that you love and depend on him and need him. 

Post # 9
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Also, do you have a phone with internet access?  There is always someone hanging out on the Bee.  Post up for some distraction/support/whatever.  If it makes you feel better, start a thread mocking your ex…we’ll have a snark fest with you.

Post # 12
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@GreenEyedMoon:  I had to do something similar (be at an event where my ex was) and I was a WRECK beforehand.  My brain went into all these ‘what if’ scenarios.  The ‘what ifs’ ended up being WAY worse than the actual event.  I had friends block for me – I’m assuming since this is a good friend there will be other friends of yours there – right?  Can you enlist their help – ie: keep a watchful eye out and if you need to be rescued, they’ll be there?  And, while my ex never approached me, thankfully, I had a game plan of putting on my most self-confident smile, saying Hello! and then excusing myself (ie: Excuse me, I have to go to the restroom, or – ANY excuse to GET AWAY).

I also never told Darling Husband about the ex being there.  I waffled about it – and I’ve told him how I get nervous about running into him in places…. but in the end, I knew that if Darling Husband was having a similar issue about his ex, it would bother me.  And, I didn’t want him to feel one ounce of jealously over someone I had been involved with.  I say all this to go easy on your Darling Husband for not understanding why it’s an emotional strain on you.  Try to pour all your nervous energy into him during the wedding – ie: every time you feel that ‘ack’ – tell your Darling Husband something wonderful about him.  It may help you shift focus a little and also remind you of how wonderful everything turned out in your life with Darling Husband by your side.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

Post # 13
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@GreenEyedMoon:  My Fiance does not like that conversations with my ex husband still can upset me.  But once we worked through the fact that it happens, whether he likes it or not, he got on board with helping me deal with it. 

Post # 14
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You CAN do it…..

I have no doubt!

Don’t let that awful man steel one more second of your life from you!

Stand tall and proud!

Post # 16
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You know what pisses off an ex the most? When they no longer affect you in any way, shape, or form.

You can do this. He is scum. You are better off without him and he is still a loser. A big, fat, ugly loser with a stupid face.

90% of things we worry about, never happen.

Go to the wedding with a smile on your face the entire time and have a great time with your husband. He is all that matters now.

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