(Closed) Im breaking all the rules! Im the only one?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I have seen several invitations with this before and I am out west.

Post # 4
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I did receive one with registry info included.  We haven’t had a lot of our friends get married yet so I don’t have a big number that I have been invited to.

Post # 5
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My Future Mother-In-Law did it for my Future Sister-In-Law, and my one of my best friend’s did it for her wedding. Yeah, it’s an etiquette No-No, but it kind of does make it easier on the guests since they don’t have to jump through hoops just to figure out where you are registered. For R’s cousins wedding, the only reason I knew where she was registered was because I could look her up on the Knot, but not everyone would have access to that. Really, I don’t think it’s as big of a deal as it once was. Maybe you could not include the info in the invitations going to those who may feel offended.

Post # 6
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

i’ve received registry info cards in every invite i’ve received except for 2. and one of them was because the couple still hasn’t registered! i don’t think we’ll be doing a wedding website so this will be the way we’ll most likely will go. no need to have random people calling our mothers!

Post # 7
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

That is the norm for my family. When I told my Mama that it was an etiquite No No, she said, “people don’t have time to go around finding out your info, those people don’t know what they are talking about”. lol

Post # 8
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ve recieved 2 invitations this month with registry info on them! I don’t think it is that big a deal, personally, and I am usually the etiquette queen. I mean, everyone has a registry these days, why are we tip toeing around acting like it is some big secret?

Post # 9
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am a big fan of registry info in the invites. Not ON the invite, but a discreet little card makes it so much easier for me to get the couple something I know they will like. Because honestly, if there is no registry info, I’m not going to ring around to find out, I’d assume the couple wasn’t registered and go buy a nice salad bowl or something. Although here in Australia, registry inserts seem to be the norm, I was shocked to find out it was ‘against the rules’ because everyone does it here!

Post # 10
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’ve received invites for over twenty weddings in the last few years, and I have never had anyone include registry information on the invitation or on an enclosed card.

I will not include registry information on mine either. Even putting etiquette rules aside, I would never include a wishlist with an invite to a birthday party or other celebratory get-together. I don’t think it’s any more appropriate to do so for this celebration.

Post # 11
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I included it on my invites. Really tiny but it’s there lol. I get why it’s an etiquette no-no, but seriously who goes to a wedding and not bring a gift? I’ts just convenient and if it’s ok in your circle of people then its NO biggie 🙂

Post # 12
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s an ettiquette no-no…huh? I had no idea! I seriously have always received invitations with a registry card in them….that’s so weird that it technically isn’t proper ettiquette. How bizarre!

Post # 13
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s definitely an ettiquette no no! 

Anyway, I have a somewhat related question – why did you feel the need to enclose those?  I think that with the technology today with being able to find out where people are registered online, there is no reason to include this information, especially since it can be viewed as you telling your guests that you want a present (although, let’s be honest, anyone who doesn’t get a present for a wedding they attend or at the very least a card is really rude).  Even my mom who literally has written instructions on how to log onto her computer at home to get on the internet and send email knows where to look online to search for registries and this was before I was engaged.

Also, unless a bride registered at an off the wall place that doesn’t come up in normal registry search results, there is no reason to include this information.  For those people who are totally non internet savy, they usually ask the brides mother where her daughter is registered (I’m talking about elderly guests who don’t use computers).

So, this brings me to my original question – you mentioned that you are getting married out of the country, but you included these cards because a number of your guests are from the States… wouldn’t they know how to look you up? 

Anyway, this question is for people in general, not specifically the original poster…

Post # 14
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I received one wedding invitation last year with the registry information. Other than that, I can’t remember ever receiving a wedding invitation with registry information in it.

Post # 15
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

It is an etiquette no-no.  I’ve gotten registry cards in the invitation, and when I do I tend to think that someone has not read an etiquette book.  So I think that it’s interesting that you are suggesting that you just don’t care about what the books say.  That being said, I still like the verbal method of sharing that information when asked. 

Post # 16
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

As far as I can tell, the OP didn’t ask if it was against etiquette, so I don’t think we need to reiterate that or scold her.

@OP: Etiquette isn’t about a set of “rules,” it’s about social expectations. So the question is not whether this is wrong, but whose expectations are you following?

If everyone you know expects to see these cards (and if it’s a custom in PR), then you are not breaching etiquette and you are fine. There are lots of wedding-related things that are considered acceptable (or even required) in one culture/location/family but considered rude or out-of-etiquette in another.

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