Post # 1
So my bf has been playing the whole “i’m gonna tell you a thousand lies about our engagement so you’re confused and I think it’s funny.” I admit that I understand he wants to surprise me, but we walked around a ring store at SIX MONTHS and it’s now A YEAR LATER…and the story has gone from “oh I have it” to “oh I made one and didn’t like it so I started over” to “i have to work 60 houtrs a week because of something big i’m buying for you… wink wink” to his mom and sister asking me at Easter time about how I wanted my wedding to be like with my bf…… and two months ago he pulled all my friends aside and told him he had found “the day” and the way he was going to ask…even told my mom!
So of course I got all excited and started talking like I already had the ring….I work at a wedding rental store for goodness sake!!! All I do is plan weddings so of course I daydream about my own all the time.
SO yesterday we went to eat with the bf’s mom and dad, and sister and her husband. He went “shopping” with his mom all day and I didn’t go, so of course I wonder what they are up to…and then the boyfriend during dinner all the sudden says “Hey you and mom need to go together to shop for a ring so she can get an idea of what you want.”
WHAT??? What is the real story? I told him that that’s fine but it’s really mean to keep stringing me along and teasing me, and then he tells his mom that i’m getting upset and she tells me just to stop worrying and it will happen. Well you know what? If YOUR SON would quit acting like it’s around every corner for months and months and then tell me he doesn’t even have it…that is enough to drive a girl absolutely insane. I would be perfectly fine with waiting if he had never gotten my hopes up. I told him he needs to give me a timeline and he said within the next TWO YEARS. I’m moving over two hours away in six months!!!!
His mom lives over an hour away! When would we ever go shopping?? And then he made a “not enough money” comment. All my friends probably think i’m stupid for planning and then nothing ever comes of it….it makes it seem like i’m fishing for a ring but it was ALL HIM who brough it up!
Ugh I should be happy that he even wants to committ to me, but come on…..he’s being really mean.
i’ll just keep pretending he’s never said anything i guess….
Post # 3
I totally know how you feel and I’m so sorry 🙁 My Fiance had the ring for almost a year before asking me, because he WANTED me to think that we were never going to be married and be ok with that decision before he asked me. A**hole much? Yes. But it’ll probably happen when you are least expecting it. Men will do things on their own schedule, regardless of what you may have talked about. It’ll be worth the wait.
Post # 4
i agree—this is really mean. if i were you, i would have an honest and upfront discussion about your feelings on the proposal. marriage is about making a partnership for life with another person, and in MY opinion, is not something you try to “play games” with.
and @marlew…i’m glad you were able to move past that. kudos to you for that. if my fiance had tried to convince me to stay with him knowing we would never get married, i would have dumped him and found someone more in line with what i wanted out of life. marriage is something that is important to me and if he didn’t want that, fine, i’ll go find someone who does. but that’s just me and i know other people don’t react like i do 🙂
Post # 5
I agree that this is pretty mean. I understand about guys wanting to suprise the girl and do things on their own timeline but it honestly seems like some of them enjoy playing manipulative headgames about it. My Fiance and I were very upfront and open with each other during the process and he still got to suprise me but he never dragged it out. I think he had the ring for like two days or something before he proposed (and that was just because he was waiting for us to go to NY so he could ask for my parents permisson). If he’d ever tried to play mind games with me or try and get me to be alright with not getting married while he secretly had the ring, we would have been over.
I just feel like this is such an emotional time for women (the waiting period) and it seems mean to try and confuse her.
Post # 6
Wow that sucks. Guys really dont get how hard it really is to wait. I would talk about your feelings and how your move will affect your relationship if your not engaged by then.
Post # 7
Ok. I would have a sit down talk with him and tell him you do not care to know a damn bit more about the engagement or about being thrown off a track or anything, that you’re tiring of the whole situation and talk about it.
I told T finally to never mention engagement to me again for a very long time. That I didn’t want to hear about it until we were actually GETTING engaged. It turns out he was paying off the ring (it took a while and he did in cash totally).
But guys do not understand that girls can only take so much and then it becomes un-romantic. Tell him that. Tell him that you want this part of your lives to be special, and that all he need tell you is he will ask you one day. That is all that’s important, knowing that’s the truth and where the relationship is headed.
Tell him too much talk like they’ve been doing without you getting the ring, just makes the romance wane. Tell him you want romance so talk about it WHEN you are getting engaged actually! Then do not mention it until it happens.
Post # 8
I told my Darling Husband at one point to stop talking about rings, proposals, weddings etc. Every time he did it got my hopes up. I was happy enough knowing we were on the same page with wanting to get married, and that he was going to propose with a ring when he was ready. It was much better not talking about it. Maybe you could try this?
Post # 9
I agree with Bellenga. Your SO would drive me insane. Your feelings are completely normal and rational. You shouldn’t “play games” with an engagement. Everytime your SO brings up rings or marriage just cut him off before he can even speak.
It’s quite insensitive.
Post # 10
WOW! thats mean. You deff need to talk to him about what hes doing. I totally understand that he wants you to be suprised but thats a little much.
Post # 11
If a man I was with felt he needed to play headgames like that with me, I would just break up with him. It’s immature, in bad taste and shows no consideration for your feelings. Not to mention that I would be humiliated. Is this guy even really worth it? There could be other things at work here, but given what you’ve said in your post only, I don’t know if I could feel the same about a person who enjoyde humiliating me like that,