(Closed) I'm calling it quits on wedding planning… Too much stress!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

First, BIG HUG!

I think Future Mother-In-Law should have to help cover the guests she keeps adding. It’s not fair for her to come in and shake up the budget like that. But have Fiance talk to her about it. Show him the budget and how much each person she is adding will take the bill up. It’s only fair.

Second, it’s not FI’s fault so try to go easy on him. I have been feeling overwhelmed with planning lately too. My BMs and Mom are super supportive but all have different things going on with their lives or live so far that I feel bad any time I ask for help. I explained this to Fiance and obviously he wants to help, but how much can he really do as far as wedding planning? It’s just not his thing. I think they just assume it all comes together and we are way too worried. (HA!)

I’m not sure if this is obvious or no help, but I broke up my tasks into things I have to do, and things I can get Fiance to do. Instead of overwhelming him with a long list of things that won’t get done until the last second and being a nag, I give him one task each day, and myself one thing each day. It feels so good to cross things off the list. First task for your Fiance – talk to his mama about how much all her last minute additional guests are costing!

Post # 4
Member
6212 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Your Future Mother-In-Law should pay for those extra people she added as well. 
It’s probably a good idea for you to bow out of the planning because you want this to be a happy day. However, DO NOT allow him to cancel the photographer. You’ll lose a ton of money anyway since it’s so close, and you’ll want those memories later after the stress fades. 

Post # 5
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@houstonwhodat:  +1

 
If I remember correctly she also got mad at your for some changes in the wedding right?
 

Wedding planning is really stressful and it looks like our dates are close together, this time is getting even more stressful with everything coming together and all the last minute tasks. But if you can write out a list of everything that needs to be done and give your fiance the things you think he can handle, it should lighten your load. Can your fiance talk to his mom, or does he not see a problem?

 
And disposeable cameras? Does he know the quality of these? Think twice before handing over the wedding completely to him if that’s the route he’s planning to take. 

Post # 6
Hostess
3369 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Huge hugs comign your way. I agree that Future Mother-In-Law needs to cover the guests that she keeps adding. Financially, it’s not fair to do that to you all, not to mention stress-wise. 

Wedding planning is a very stressful time, but try not to take it out on Fiance. I know it’s difficult, but just having a serious sit down conversation and asking him to handle things with his Mom will make a huge difference.

You have 40 days left, just over a month! You’ve done it for this long, you can make it just a little bit longer. We’re all here for you hon! Your guests would be so disappointed if you cancelled, and I know in the end you would regret it.

Try doing some yoga in the morning to relax you. That has helped me a lot! It makes things easier to deal with throughout the day and also is a great way to stay healthy. 

Hang in there girl, you’ve got this! <3 

Post # 7
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@anon656987:  oh I’m so sorry. Your Future Mother-In-Law is crazy!!! How are you gonna critics the budget then add people. hopefully you’ll have a few no shoes and everything will work out. Tell her NO MORE GUESTS though. 

Definrekt take a breath for a week or so and maybe you’ll come back to it. If not your GI should be able to handle it from here.

Good luck !!!

Post # 8
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MeiFrancis:  +1 this!!

Be strong, deep breath and (hug). Even great FMILs can be taxing!

Post # 10
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@anon656987:  I completely sympathise with your point about people not understanding budget. For our Destination Wedding my parents gave me a set amount. Very generous, but I’m still footing about half (anything above what they gave me). Then they keep saying “get the expensive dress, we’re paying for it” or inviting more people and saying “we’ll cover it from the money we gave you”. Umm actually every more penny I spend from “their” money pushes somehting else into the money being spent that is “mine”. Or I heard my Dad tell his friend that it was fine to bring extras because it was only costing us $10 a head once they are the resort. Umm no, it’s closer to $100 each once we pay for everything. It was so generous and unneccsary of them to contribute, but I guess I’m just trying to say I understand that no one else seems to ‘get’ the budget except the one footing the final bill.

Hang in there, and you have a lot of ladies here for support 🙂 

Also I would still push Fiance to help more by giving him small tasks. If he says he doesn’t know how to do something, then his task is to figure out how to do it, i.e. get a marriage license. You guys are about to be married, and you need to feel like you can rely on him to help, instead of making excuses!

Post # 11
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Whatever you do, DO NOT let him cut the photographer and give your guests disposable cameras. I worked at a photo lab and I’m sorry but: out of thousands of pictures from those cameras, at weddings – I saw ONE that came out alright.  The rest were hundreds and hundreds of dollars of wasted money!  Even a photography student with a camera is worlds better, and would be a couple hundred dollars max.

Hang in there with the in-laws, this process sucks but it wont last forever!

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