- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
My husband has been verbally abusive and basically a walking time bomb on and off for years. I’ve learned to handle his bad moods over the years, Iv’e just grown sick of it. In the mean time I have been more than accommodating to his narcissistic mother and brother. I finally figured out what they are this past year. No wonder I always felt bad when I was around them.
I finally stopped being an enabler to everyone of them. I’m standing up for myself and I call them out on their bad behavior. My husband never backed me up before (22 years of marriage). I’ve felt betrayed by my husband because of that and really felt his family were not family but my enemy.
I recently started cheating on my husband. I’m not attracted to him, emotionally or physically anymore. He knows I’m not putting up with how things used to be and is really trying to make a concerted effort at being a better husband. The marriage was sexless for the last 3 years, his choice. It seems all too late, I feel quite dead inside honestly, about him and his hurtful family.
I don’t want to get divorced because it would devastate my kids and my husband, he cries and tells me how much he loves me. His behavior is still controlling and to put it bluntly he just gets nasty. never hits me just verbally abusive. I’m perfectly happy doing my wifely mechanical duties and having great sex with other men than my husband. I know I’m doing it partly out of revenge. I don’t have a lot of guilt feelings about it, that really scares me.
I feel broken inside, as if I should have feelings of guilt but don’t. My kids would be angry of course if they found out that I was cheating. They were never very angry at him when he treated me badly. I just sucked it up. What is the right thing to do? Divorce, tear apart my kids lives and divide our assets…or have a discreet affair for the next 20 years? If my husband told me he was cheating on me, I honestly would be relieved. I hate to hear myself say that, but it’s the truth.
I was the traditional perfect wife. Cooked, cleaned and put up with his mean and nasty family. Main caregiver for his mom. Totally unappreciated. I worked our business too and I really have gotten my husband to change a lot of his behavior. he knows I’m leaving if it dosen’t stop. I want to keep our 22 year friendship intact, staying married and having an open marriage suits me fine. I never ever thought this would be me.
Did the abuse make me think this way? I feel my heart is so hard towards him
If youv’e only been married for less than ten years, youre probably not going to understand the situation very well.