I'm Christian and hes Hindu ..how to plan my wedding ceremony?? HELP!

posted 1 year ago in Intercultural
Post # 2
Member
977 posts
Busy bee

You can’t go into an interracial marriage with the mindset of only doing things your culture and religion’s way… that’s a terrible mindset to start off with!

I’d do a mehndi the day before

Day of the wedding do the Hindu ceremony in the day and Christian in the evening. That’s how I’ve seen it done. 

Post # 3
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I definitely do not recommend having only one wedding and not the other. The culture of your future in-laws is important to them, and it would paint you pretty badly to insist on only the Christian wedding.

My FI’s family is Hindu, and mine is well.. nothing. It’s possible to mix elements of both weddings together, but I personally didn’t want to have to weigh out what aspects were most important and who would get to ‘win’ at certain points of the ceremony. We decided that we will have a long wedding weekend with each ceremony completely separate from each other and a buffer day in between. I’m already getting preliminary whining about each family having to put up with the ‘other’ wedding, but they can shut it.

Post # 4
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Not the same, but I was invited to the Christian ceremony and reception portion of a Persian/Christian/American wedding. The Persian events lasted about 3 days leading up to the Saturday Christian ceremony. They included some traditions unique to Iran in the reception (knife dance, something with sugar and rejecting the husband 3 times)

ETA… the mother of the groom (American Christian) was not a fan of the Christian Persian events and refused to attend any of it (last minute decision). Her absence was noticeable when the mother son song was awkwardly announced and skipped.

another thing that you and your fiancé need to sort out before getting your family involved for one more minute….How do both of y’all feel participating in a ceremony that is of a different religion? Religious ceremonies are serious and it can be considered blasphemy (by one religion or the other) to make an oath under a diety that you don’t acknowledge or follow. Depending on how serious you are religiously, this can create internal and external conflict. 

Post # 8
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

 Similar situation here. We ended up doing both. Fiance and I just wanted a court wedding with a tiny guest list. We did that and payed for it ourselves. 6 months later his family threw a three day wedding that they mostly planned and payed for. It worked out really well and everyone was happy.

Post # 9
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I have to go to a Hindu/Christian wedding. It’s going to start Thursday night and end Sunday. One thing to really take into consideration is how much time you are asking of your guests and try to make it as convenient as possible. Let people know they don’t have to go to all three/four days. Also, try to make sure things end early on the last day. The wedding I have to go to starts at 7 pm on Sunday. And most of the guests have to fly there (they live out of state–the rest of the family is in state). So in order to attend the whole thing, I’d have to miss three days of work (Thursday, Friday, Monday). Which I think is just too much to ask. Especially since it’s not really a destination wedding.

Post # 11
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

What type of wedding does your Fiance want? You said that you only want a Christian ceremony, but also that you were considering a court wedding. Is the Christian ceremony important to you, or only to your family? What is it about a Hindu wedding that you don’t like? I think it makes sense that your in-laws would expect you to include their culture/religion if they are paying for the whole wedding. Are you able to pay for a Christian ceremony yourselves?

Have you participated in Hindu religious ceremonies before? If you are planning to have children, have you talked about how you will teach them about religion? SO many questions! My Fiance is Hindu as well.

Post # 12
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Make them on separate days (like a long weekend). Also love the idea of Sangeet/Mehndhi on Day 1, Morning or lunch Hindu ceremony, evening Christian ceremony leading into reception.

Costs will go up this way, but at least everyone stays somewhat sane?

Post # 13
Member
6503 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Allowing his family to throw the traditional wedding will go a really long way toward gaining their favor. It is easy to think it doesn’t matter, but believe me, having in-laws that like you or approve of you is worth the cost in time and effort now (fortunately, there will not be a financial burden for you). Your Fiance will probably say it doesn’t matter to him, and while the actual traditions and ceremonies may not matter as much to him, the approval and good will of his family does mean something and will grow to mean more in the future. 

So have the Christian wedding your family expects, but allow them to have the Hindu wedding they expect. IMO, it will be well worth the time and effort invested. 

Post # 14
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

echomomm :  Seconded. If they can pay for it, have both. It might get a little crazy and you might end up spending more than you initially thought, but it will go a long way towards good will in both of your families.

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