Post # 1
My husband and I were invited to a wedding this weekend. I RSVP’d yes for both of us. He just got his schedule on Tuesday of this week and he is scheduled to work all night on Saturday, thus interfering with the wedding! He’s been trying to find someone to cover for him so he can attend but has been unsuccesful so far! He made more attempts last night but won’t be able to know till he goes back into work tomorrow (Friday!). I am hoping and praying that someone will cover.
But, what do I do if he can’t get out of work? I will probalby find out about 6 of 7 p.m. the night before the wedding. Do I call or e-mail the bride as she’s in the midst of her rehearsal and final prep to let her know he won’t be attending? Do I just say nothing and have him be a no show, and offer my sincere apologies?
I hate being put in this situation! And, I hate doing this to a friend! Any input would be greatly appreciated!!!
Post # 3
Hmmm…that’s a tough one. I think you should tell your friend there’s a possibility that he might not be able to make it. If she can talk to the caterer to change the number, that would be best. If he can make it (last minute), well usually they have enough food to serve extras. At least, that’s what my venue told me. But this way, she can lower her number by 1 and not pay for his meal if he in fact can’t go. I’m sure your friend will understand and you telling her ahead of time is thoughtful.
Post # 4
I think the polite thing to do would be to call the Bride ASAP and tell her that your husband won’t be able to make it due to his work schedule. Its really not fair to the bridal couple to waffle until the last minute when its too late to change the head count or worse, have them pay for his dinner and drinks and then he’s a no-show.
Tell her that he was trying to find someone to cover for him but won’t get an answer until its too late. If she doesn’t mind not knowing or him being a no-show, , this is her opportunity to tell you.
Post # 5
I’m sure it will be fine! Just mention that it’s a possibility and apologize. Honestly, if I were the bride in that situation, I would appreciate the heads-up but I wouldn’t freak out. It’s not like you *might* be bringing an extra 20 people. 🙂
Post # 6
I would email or call her and let her know the situation. I think she would appreciate the heads up. I think people are more annoyed when someone does not show up and has no reason to give.
Post # 7
I agree if it was me I would like to know. At my venue it would be too late to change the number of guests and I would be paying for the food so I would tell you to bring someone else if you wanted!
Post # 8
I think you should definitely let her know in advance. Also – is it too late for her to get money back anyway? But if it isn’t, I think its fair for you to give her that option! But yeah, I definitely wouldn’t NOT inform her, and I definitely wouldn’t wait to do it until her rehearsal dinner!
Post # 9
yeah I agree with the PP’s, you should definitely give her a heads up that this might be a possibility. See if she offers any options to you such as, “well if he can’t come then bring a guest!” or “it’s okay if you come by yourself”. This could give you a verbal hint into what she would like for you to do in the event that he can’t come.
Post # 10
you should tell her asap and not wait till the night before her wedding.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! I decided to listen to the majority of you and I just sent her an e-mail. I already feel much more at ease because I feel like I’m putting the situation in her hands and she can direct me as to what she would like me to do. Thanks for all your good input!
Post # 12
Tell her now. Also, it would be considerate for you to offer to pay for his place should he not be able to come. Most likely, she will refuse you instantly, tell you not to worry and move on. I wouldn’t interfere with her ’24 hour bubble’ of no bad news just before the wedding.
Post # 13
If I were you I’d email and tell her just what you told us. Then I’d give her the choice of a) allowing her to offer the seats to another couple b) have you come and let her know if your Fiance can’t or c) have you come and just not mention if your Fiance can or cant make it.
If I were her I’d be grateful you’d let me know.. but I probably wouldn’t need an update. I’d just say please come and have him come if he can (and I’d prob say hey… the seat is paid for if you have someone else to bring go ahead… but that is just me).
Post # 14
If you cant make it send a check to cover the cost of your dinners along with a note of apology.
Post # 15
You should atleast go no matter what.
Its the support that means a lot to the bride IMO when it’s a friend.
Post # 16
The original post was made a month ago. So the wedding has already passed. What happened?! How did she respond? Was he able to make it?