(Closed) I’m Committing A Major Guest No-No! Ugh!!!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What's the most considerate way to handle this?
    E-mail bride now, give her heads up & promise to keep her posted - though I have no concrete info. : (39 votes)
    61 %
    Cancel for us both now (2 days out) - maybe she can offer our seats to another couple : (0 votes)
    E-mail bride Fri night & tell her hubby can't go, still go myself : (13 votes)
    20 %
    Not say anything if I find out Fri that hubby can't go, apologize sincerely for his absence : (12 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Hmmm…that’s a tough one. I think you should tell your friend there’s a possibility that he might not be able to make it. If she can talk to the caterer to change the number, that would be best. If he can make it (last minute), well usually they have enough food to serve extras. At least, that’s what my venue told me. But this way, she can lower her number by 1 and not pay for his meal if he in fact can’t go. I’m sure your friend will understand and you telling her ahead of time is thoughtful.

    Post # 4
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think the polite thing to do would be to call the Bride ASAP and tell her that your husband won’t be able to make it due to his work schedule.  Its really not fair to the bridal couple to waffle until the last minute when its too late to change the head count or worse, have them pay for his dinner and drinks and then he’s a no-show. 

    Tell her that he was trying to find someone to cover for him but won’t get an answer until its too late.  If she doesn’t mind not knowing or him being a no-show, , this is her opportunity to tell you. 

    Post # 5
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m sure it will be fine! Just mention that it’s a possibility and apologize. Honestly, if I were the bride in that situation, I would appreciate the heads-up but I wouldn’t freak out. It’s not like you *might* be bringing an extra 20 people. 🙂

    Post # 6
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would email or call her and let her know the situation.  I think she would appreciate the heads up.  I think people are more annoyed when someone does not show up and has no reason to give.

    Post # 7
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I agree if it was me I would like to know. At my venue it would be too late to change the number of guests and I would be paying for the food so I would tell you to bring someone else if you wanted!

    Post # 8
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think you should definitely let her know in advance.  Also – is it too late for her to get money back anyway?  But if it isn’t, I think its fair for you to give her that option!  But yeah, I definitely wouldn’t NOT inform her, and I definitely wouldn’t wait to do it until her rehearsal dinner!

    Post # 9
    1667 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    yeah I agree with the PP’s, you should definitely give her a heads up that this might be a possibility. See if she offers any options to you such as, “well if he can’t come then bring a guest!” or “it’s okay if you come by yourself”. This could give you a verbal hint into what she would like for you to do in the event that he can’t come.

    Post # 10
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    you should tell her asap and not wait till the night before her wedding.

    Post # 12
    81 posts
    Worker bee

    Tell her now. Also, it would be considerate for you to offer to pay for his place should he not be able to come. Most likely, she will refuse you instantly, tell you not to worry and move on. I wouldn’t interfere with her ’24 hour bubble’ of no bad news just before the wedding.

    Post # 13
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    If I were you I’d email and tell her just what you told us. Then I’d give her the choice of a) allowing her to offer the seats to another couple b) have you come and let her know if your Fiance can’t or c) have you come and just not mention if your Fiance can or cant make it. 


    If I were her I’d be grateful you’d let me know.. but I probably wouldn’t need an update. I’d just say please come and have him come if he can (and I’d prob say hey… the seat is paid for if you have someone else to bring go ahead… but that is just me). 

    Post # 14
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If you cant make it send a check to cover the cost of your dinners along with a note of apology.

    Post # 15
    600 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    You should atleast go no matter what.


    Its the support that means a lot to the bride IMO when it’s a friend.

    Post # 16
    181 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    The original post was made a month ago. So the wedding has already passed. What happened?! How did she respond? Was he able to make it?

    The topic ‘I’m Committing A Major Guest No-No! Ugh!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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