(Closed) I'm confused about my relationship with my ex fiancé but we are still together.

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

No sweetheart. It sounds like terrible timing for both of you. Finish school and see where you end up.

He doesn’t know what he wants, and waiting until after college is smart. Don’t wait for him. It is not doing yourself a favor in the long run

Post # 3
Member
6643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

If you were older and more established (as in finished with college) I would say if you’re going to stay together just to get married in three years why not just get married now and stay together for the next three years and beyond.

But neither of you have finished college and it sounds like you’re both pretty young- life may take many turns and things might be very different for you (both) three years from now. I don’t think you need to make any “rest of life” decisions at this point. If you’re unsure or he is then it might be an indication not to move forward with amy type of commitment right now.

Post # 5
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Sweetheart, people learn and grow so much between graduating college and the next few years. There is a huge difference in people during that time frame. 

Post # 7
Member
3855 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

You’ve only been together 18 months and seem young. Just chill out about getting married a bit… no need to rush.

Post # 8
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

The situation seems too turbulent to think about marriage and whatnot. I’d just hold off until things are steady and see where that takes you. If you don’t like how things are currently, implement this situation as a catalyst to bring you closer together. Use your discernment. Good luck. 💕

Post # 9
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

You have finished collegue and will soon get a job to become and independent adult. Your boyfriend is still in collegue with no certain idea of what will come from his future. I think it is wise of him to now want to marry next year. I applaude his stand on waiting 3 years to marry you.

When you are married life changes for you. Your finances (they way you spend money, etc) are no longer just your business, your lifestyle (traveling, going out, etc.) now has also the input of your partner, your life plan also changes because you must also include your partner’s life time which means sacrifices and negotiations.

As a friend once told me (as an example): Doing an exchange semester abroad is much easier -and less guilty- if you are single than if you are married.

So, at least for me, your argument of “marry me now because is the same as marrying me in the future” is silly. Is like saying “less have kids now because we will be having them in the future anyone”. So I have to ask, do you honestly find yourself and your boyfriend emotionally, financially and career established enough to form a happy, successful marriage? 

Post # 10
Member
4854 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sounds to me like he’s trying to keep you on the back burner. I’d return the ring and close that door. 

Post # 11
Hostess
9051 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

nyladior :  You are both young, you are both still at school and you haven’t been together all that long. It is a shame he propsosed with actually not intention of getting married any time soon – that was wrong. I think you need to either just date as Boyfriend or Best Friend and Girlfriend and push thoughts of getting married to the back of your head – OR – be single and wait for someone who actually knows that the heck they want to come along.

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