Post # 1
I’ve dated my guy for 18 months and last October he proposed to me. We were in two different cities because we went to two different colleges. This past spring semester has been terrible our relationship. He had called off our wedding but he wanted to stay engage and I wasn’t for that so I gave him his ring back. We had planned on getting married in April 2017. Before we reconnected with each other, he had always told me that he didn’t want to get married anymore because he didn’t feel ready and he felt it was rushed which I wasn’t mad about. I was just upset of the fact that he gave me a ring for what seems to me like no reason. But he said at the time “it felt like the right thing to do”. What is confusing to me is that he wanted to wait three years to get married. His reason for calling off the wedding is because he didn’t think we was going to get married within the next year, he wanted to wait. My thing is why give me the ring if you never actually see yourself getting married to me. So I’m basically not putting myself on a waiting list for anyone and I don’t think I should. Or should I?
Post # 2
No sweetheart. It sounds like terrible timing for both of you. Finish school and see where you end up.
He doesn’t know what he wants, and waiting until after college is smart. Don’t wait for him. It is not doing yourself a favor in the long run
Post # 3
If you were older and more established (as in finished with college) I would say if you’re going to stay together just to get married in three years why not just get married now and stay together for the next three years and beyond.
But neither of you have finished college and it sounds like you’re both pretty young- life may take many turns and things might be very different for you (both) three years from now. I don’t think you need to make any “rest of life” decisions at this point. If you’re unsure or he is then it might be an indication not to move forward with amy type of commitment right now.
Post # 4
TwilightRarity : I understand what you are saying but I finished college this year. He still has about a 1.5-2 years left. To me it sounds like he wants me to wait for him. However, how do I know three years down the line we won’t be in this same situation. If we are just waiting three years from now to get married then we can do it now or not at all. I just don’t see a difference in the time frame as all.
Post # 5
Sweetheart, people learn and grow so much between graduating college and the next few years. There is a huge difference in people during that time frame.
Post # 6
theatrejulia : is right and advising you wisely.
Post # 7
You’ve only been together 18 months and seem young. Just chill out about getting married a bit… no need to rush.
Post # 8
The situation seems too turbulent to think about marriage and whatnot. I’d just hold off until things are steady and see where that takes you. If you don’t like how things are currently, implement this situation as a catalyst to bring you closer together. Use your discernment. Good luck. 💕
Post # 9
You have finished collegue and will soon get a job to become and independent adult. Your boyfriend is still in collegue with no certain idea of what will come from his future. I think it is wise of him to now want to marry next year. I applaude his stand on waiting 3 years to marry you.
When you are married life changes for you. Your finances (they way you spend money, etc) are no longer just your business, your lifestyle (traveling, going out, etc.) now has also the input of your partner, your life plan also changes because you must also include your partner’s life time which means sacrifices and negotiations.
As a friend once told me (as an example): Doing an exchange semester abroad is much easier -and less guilty- if you are single than if you are married.
So, at least for me, your argument of “marry me now because is the same as marrying me in the future” is silly. Is like saying “less have kids now because we will be having them in the future anyone”. So I have to ask, do you honestly find yourself and your boyfriend emotionally, financially and career established enough to form a happy, successful marriage?
Post # 10
Sounds to me like he’s trying to keep you on the back burner. I’d return the ring and close that door.
Post # 11
nyladior : You are both young, you are both still at school and you haven’t been together all that long. It is a shame he propsosed with actually not intention of getting married any time soon – that was wrong. I think you need to either just date as Boyfriend or Best Friend and Girlfriend and push thoughts of getting married to the back of your head – OR – be single and wait for someone who actually knows that the heck they want to come along.