I'm confused on what to do- Third Wheel

posted 1 month ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
3816 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Are you sure you’re compatible? If this is just the way she is then you’ll have to get used to it or find someone more like you. GL.

Post # 4
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

gabrielphoenix92 :  I can’t stand that shit. That hypocritical “my family is my family” shit but when you do it “you’re attached at the hip with them and you should cleave unto me.”

She either needs to get over herself or I don’t think there’s a future for you guys. Unless you would like to spend the rest of your life by yourself, for all intents and purposes, while she’s chilling with “her people.”

I honestly don’t think it’s a good idea for you to move to Puerto Rico while she’s like this. You’re dooming yourself to being alone in a different place where you, presumably, don’t know anyone but her.

Post # 5
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

gabrielphoenix92 :   I don’t see this as a compatability issues but more as a refusal to see each other’s perspective and compromise.  As of right now, marriage is a bad idea between the two of you and so is moving to PR.  You two are supposed to be partners but it appears that isn’t happening and putting a ring on it in the hopes of things improving is delusional, time wasting and just emotionally draining.  Don’t waste your time if you’re not going to be truly committed and I don’t see that on both ends based on your post OP.

You guys already don’t communicate well and resentment is growing.  Resentment becomes contempt and by that time the relationship is beyond the point of no return.  My suggestion is couples counseling because you two obviously can’t fix this on your own.  Therapy is simply a place where you can speak your truth in a safe space where the other will actually hear you and you gain proper communication skills, which you both are sorely lacking.  If you want this relationship, do the work.  

Counseling is crucial to the survival of this relationship.  Marriage without it is just a short cut to an expensive divorce.

Oh and move out of the threesome!  The family interference only makes things worse!

Post # 6
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Do you have to live together? If this Sister is so high and mighty about you having a job, I’m assuming that she might not be a hypocrite and is employed herself. I think it’s time for everyone to get their own space and see what is left of your relationship with K. 

Be careful using real names on here. You never know who is reading this. 

 

ETA: Re-read and saw the bit where she doesn’t work. Soooo she’s depending on y’all for rent and bills and trying to control the household? Get out.

Post # 9
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

gabrielphoenix92 :  Sometimes “close families” have an unnatural attachment to each other and see everyone as a threat, including potential spouses. (Which, I’m not trying to be mean, but I find totally weird because families aren’t on the same level as spouses; that’s a completely different relationship.)

Counseling is possibly the only way this will work, and I’m not sure it will even then. It all depends on your fiance and her openness to change, some distance and actually putting her spouse first… You know, like your vows tell you to.

Just remember that sometimes how much YOU love someone is not enough. They have to love you as much as you love them in return and I don’t really see the love if she’s constantly putting her family, not only above yours, but above you as well. 

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