- Mrs. Polar Bear
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I am completely confused now.
My fiancé and I have decided to have a small wedding in the current city we live in for about 90 people. We wanted to have a simple ceremony with a restaurant reception for about four hours. This decision to us was easy and to the point. We didn’t want to do anything but show up.
So, the other night, my fiancé and I were talking with my parents about our plans for our wedding. My dad became very upset. Not mad, but just upset. See, I come from a huge family and we are extremely close. I have 10 uncles and aunts from my father’s side and 11 from my mom’s side. That is not included their spouses. They all have kids, etc. I also have great aunts and uncles, cousins and friends to include as well. It’s the same boat for my fiancé; he comes from a huge family too. Therefore, we would easily have a 180 to 200–person reception by the time you include everyone.
We know that if we have a 90-person reception then not everyone would be able to attend our wedding. So, that is what made my dad upset. He was saying that he would prefer everyone to have the option to come. I told my dad, that my aunts and uncles who attended our engagement party (tell you about that in a minute) were on the list, but many of my cousins, who I am close with, where not.
This is why I am confused now; see my parents are helping us out with our wedding. I know they will still give me the money, but I know I will always have to hear about it. My dad knows that majority of family has been waiting to see my fiancé and I get married and he doesn’t want to offend anyone. I completely understand this, and, I too in a way do not want to offend many people…but this is what the situation is going to be.
It’s either we can have a 90 person reception at a nice restaurant (nice tables, real tablecloths, plates and silver wear). On the other hand, we can have a 180 to 200–person reception in my hometown – so that means, we (family) would have to cater it ourselves, we (family) would have to decorate the hall and I would have to have either plastic/paper or borrowed tablecloths and plastic silver wear.
My fiancé and I are from country stock. Both of our families are easy going. We would never have a black tie anything, because our families are causal types of people. We don’t want a fancy wedding, like you would see on TV, but we would have to have it nice…or to appear to look nice in photos. I am not fond of this idea and this is why.
(The Engagement party story) This past August, my fiancé and I had our engagement party at my Aunt’s house and we worked so hard. When we initially told everyone about the idea, everyone were all hands on deck, however, when it was time to actually work that day, no one really helped. My fiancé and I worked on decorating and cooking (along with some family members) until the time our engagement party started. We were actually an hour and half late for our party. By the time we got there, people had already started eating. The baby back ribs that my fiancé stayed up until 4 am to make were gone and guess what, no one thought to make the future Mr. and Mrs. a plate. We were basically eating the scraps at our own party. We had a gorgeous cake. I wanted to get everyone gathered and make a speech, but my grandmother, who has dementia keep asking for a piece, so I told my cousin to cut the cake and give her a piece. Instead of doing this very discreetly, my grandmother was sitting in a corner with my cousin; she instead tells everyone that we are cutting the cake. Therefore, I did not get to have the speech moment that I was looking for. I was pulled in so many directions, that by the time, I got back to the cake it was almost gone. When I asked my cousin, if she saved the future Mr. and Mrs. a slice, she said no. My fiancé and I had one piece of cake to share. I was glad that most of my family came, but they showed their asses. We didn’t provide any alcohol, however, it somehow got in there and they were half-drunk.
I want my wedding to be a happy memory. Not, a so-so memory. I want to be able to have nice tablecloths, a nice dress, nice flowers, etc. I don’t want to downgrade on our day…however, I do feel bad that many of the people that did attend our engagement party are not on our current list for our 90-person reception.
I don’t know what to do. I can see if I did not see these people all the time and they were distant cousins and family members, but, I do see them often and I know they will be crushed if not invited. However, some of the cousins, that will be crushed not to make it, didn’t even try to make it to our engagement party. We sent out over 100 invites…and expected everyone to come…but only about 70 people showed up. I should be grateful, but I kind of feel like if they didn’t have the time to make it to that event, why should I even invite them to this one.
I am a very indecisive person so this is making me question every decision I have made so far. The bad thing about it is that I have to make a decision soon, because our wedding is Jan 2011.
Any comments are welcomed. Please help! I know it might not make that much sense but I was venting somewhat.