I'm dating a (former) stringer… sometimes I wonder if I should worry

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 16
943 posts
Busy bee

Im still trying to figure out what you are bragging about? That he is a stringer? You were a stringer? That you are neither one stringers now? Seriously? How juvenile is that? 

You havent got a ring yet, and you already broke up once. Stringers like to be the ones who break things off, I wouldnt consider him running after you a sign that he is ready to give up his life of being a stringer. 

Now he has thrown in the whole, I cant get you a ring yet, because I need to sell my house and you are doing the whole, we are building a life together with shared goals so marriage isnt that important to me. You sound like you are trying to play the cool girl. 

Totally confused by this post. 

Post # 17
573 posts
Busy bee

I gotta say I’m just as confused as everyone else…

Do you want a medal for being in a relationship with a stringer? 

I hope it all works out for you but I wouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket until I was absolutely sure. The tables could turn on you so easily and you are making yourself very vulnerable by believing every nice thing that comes out of his mouth. (Things he could’ve possibly said to others.)

Actions speak louder than words.

Post # 18
2488 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s pretty common for stringers to tell their partner how different they are from everyone else and how they really mean it this time. That’s part of how they get their partners to stick around for so long without an actual commitment. 

Post # 19
2574 posts
Sugar bee

Hey, I hope it works out for you, but you might be back here in 5 years complaining that you have 2 kids with him and “he still won’t commit.”

Post # 20
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Back in the olden days, I came across a couple of stringers. Another aspect of them you don’t mention is that they consider themselves available to date other women.

They may not tell you that part, as when they do it, IF you find out, they will tell you, you should have known this, they are single men and have that right and you have no right to tell them they can’t. If you accuse them of cheating they will say it’s not cheating because you aren’t married. 

All of it, and these men,  is more trouble than it’s worth. There is nothing about stringers that makes it worth it to put up with their shit.

Post # 22
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t really get the bragging bee. I think most people are “stringers” to the extent that until they meet the person they really want to marry, they don’t get married? I guess you could call me a stringer too…I had several exes that I didn’t want to marry either when I was dating them, and then I met my husband when I was about 30, and quickly realized I wanted to marry him. Happily, he felt the same. Still don’t really get why this is something to brag about, but I wish you well.

Post # 23
2241 posts
Buzzing bee

2cents :  he spent $10k on something else for you that wasn’t the ring that he so desperately wants to give you? now he’s gotta sell a whole ass house just to be able to afford the ring “you deserve”? I dunno, bee…selling a house is something that can come with *endless* delay, and as he’s a big boy and a Professonal Stringer, I’m sure he knows this…

Post # 24
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Well, if what you’re proud of is that you both have a history of leading people on and now have commitment yourselves then I hope you two have this for a long time. 

Post # 25
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I mean, I’d rather be with a grown-ass man who has the integrity and the balls to have treated previous women with respect and honesty.  But you do you.

Post # 26
85 posts
Worker bee

OP is quite smug, huh? Reminds me of my friends and the way they talk about their new boyfriends with a smug tone. I always wish everyone the best but take it all with a grain of salt. Usually things unfold. You come across as if you have an accomplishment that his previous love interests didn’t get and you’re looking for validation. 

Post # 27
652 posts
Busy bee

2cents :  Bee’s on here are being a bit harsh, IMO. I can sort of relate, but I wouldn’t call my fi a stringer. He was definitely a philanderer though. During our twenties we both were, and I was no better than him. We had a casual, on-off hookup relationship. We were also very, very good friends. FWB’s I suppose. Anyway, one day we were out hiking and when we stopped to chill at a lake we both just knew, this is it. We are each others people and it’s time to start our lives together. And that was that. He moved in a couple months later and we have enjoyed a beautiful life together. Not once have I ever doubted his commitment to me. 

So not exactly the same scenario, but it is an example of a non-committal person changing. It can happen. 

Post # 28
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

I have to give this guy credit, “I have to fix up my house and sell it so I can buy you the ring you deserve” takes the whole Waiting-BS to a whole new level and really raises the bar. 

Is he going to sell a kidney to fund the wedding? 

Post # 29
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

2cents :  

. . . he has to sell the house to get the ring because he just spent over $10k on something else for me . . .

Well, sure.  That make perfect sense.  Sell your home to buy your gf a nice bauble.  That is a bridge just a bit too far, Bee. May I ask what the last $10K he supposedly dumped on you was for? What kind of money does this guy make?

What steps has he actually taken toward selling his house?

This is probably a fine time to point out that none of this is about you or your bf. The luxury of putting yourself first ended the moment you conceived your child.

Yet, here the two of you are, planning on selling a house to pay for a piece of jewelry. And dropping $10K on gawd knows what.  If he has to sell his house to pay for your “ring”, how the hell was he able to spend $10K on you?

How is any of this in your child’s best interest?


Post # 30
9733 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

All else aside, you guys are absolute shit at finances apparently. 

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