(Closed) I'm thinking about switching around my MOHs. Drama.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have you tried talking to her and explaining how you’re feeling?

Post # 4
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s a sticky situation. . . especially since the best man is her husband. I think you’re officiant is right though. . . you’d be better off removing her from the wedding party if she’s created nothing but drama and hasn’t been supportive. I would have your FH talk to the best man, though, because you don’t want him finding out through her – she’ll probably make it seem worse. It’s YOUR day and you need to do what is going to make you happy. I hope you figure it all out.

Post # 5
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I guess I don’t really know what demoting her will solve? You will have caused bad feelings for her and her husband and you’re still left with someone you don’t feel is a friend in your party causing drama. Honestly demoting her just sounds punitive.

If you remove her entirely, be prepared for some backlash from your husband and hers. 

Post # 9
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Your officiant is right, but be prepared for the possibility that her husband may back out as best man. You can’t exactly tell him, “Your wife is a narcissist oh and by the way she’s cheating on you.” I would just make sure your Fiance understands exactly what’s going on ad why, so that when he gets caught up in the drama, he’s prepared.

Post # 10
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well, what will come of you demoting her? Is there someone else who will plan your shower or help you with wedding stuff? If there is, maybe they will do it anyway without the Maid/Matron of Honor title. 

Is it that you just don’t want her standing next to you on the big day? Is your discomfort going to be worth what FH and his friend go through? 

You don’t have to answer me. Just things to think about. 

Post # 12
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think demoting her will solve anything. What I would do is talk to your husband. Ask him what he thinks about removing your Maid/Matron of Honor entirely. I am guessing your best man will probably also back out. If he is okay with that, and you’re 100% sure you don’t want to be this girl’s friend anymore, then go ahead and tell her how you feel and that you no longer want her in your wedding.

Post # 14
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@diyboudoirr:  I think switching the order will make you feel better and save you the drama of demoting a maid. Win-win.

Post # 15
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Given that you only have two maids, why not promote the other one to co-MOH? If Maid/Matron of Honor1 gets her knickers in a knot over it, you can explain what you did in post #7. That Maid/Matron of Honor2 has been so excited for the wedding and helped you so much, you feel that she deserves some recognition for all her hard work and commitment. Maybe even say something like “I completely understand that you (MOH1) have been so busy lately with all the personal things you’ve had going on, so I really appreciate that Maid/Matron of Honor2 stepped up to take on some of the responsibility without even being asked.”

Then try splitting the Maid/Matron of Honor duties between the two of them (one stands closer to you, and another one signs the wedding certificate. If you demote the first Maid/Matron of Honor, it’s just going to cause issues with her and the best man, so I think you’re probably better off rewarding the bridesmaid than punishing the Maid/Matron of Honor

Post # 16
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sounds like a plan. Also the best man is a dude. He’s not going to think anything of the precessional order.

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