I'm done

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 181
Member
2278 posts
Buzzing bee

phillygirl93 :  I’m glad that you’ve taken charge of your own life, rather than sitting and waiting fruitlessly like a lot of other waiting bees. Who gives a shit if it’s at this guy’s emotional expense? You moved in with the mutually agreed upon expectation that a proposal would be soon following…

 

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to reach out. I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt before reaching this ultimate decision, or how your emotions are gonna be tested over the next 4 months. 

Post # 182
Member
30 posts
Newbee

phillygirl93 :  just wanted to say I don’t think what you’re doing is wrong. You’ve got to get yourself set up to land on your feet. Five months isn’t very long and will go quickly. Not to mention you’ll have to tell him in 3.5-4 months about not re-signing the lease anyway. The time shouldn’t be too stressful as you’ve already checked out and things won’t get so emotional. You can actually probably enjoy some less emotionally charged times together. The calmer living will be good for you mentally while you focus on getting yourself set up for the future. Good luck!

Post # 183
Member
6320 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

anonbee2517 :  Yes, it’s hard. But I’ve always felt like I preferred to be the kind of person who took courageous leaps toward what I really wanted in my life rather than doing what other people think is good or appropriate or acceptable. I fell in love and it didn’t go the way I hoped? At least I tried it. I went for my dream job and it ended up sucking? At least I can say I did it and I left when it was clearly toxic. I was all gung ho for some life adventure that then kicked my ass? So what? I’m a lady who likes good times and good living. As long as I’m learning the lessons along the way, none of it is a waste. 

Maybe if you think about it like that, you can get clear about whether you are remaining in your current situation because of love and a healthy, positive connection or if you’re just afraid to leave and have your family say “I told you so.” or whatever. We all have to learn our life lessons for ourselves.

OP- good for you with your funds! I think women always need to have money set aside that is just for us. If not for a potential “fuck off” fund, then definitely because we tend to live longer than men and we need to plan accordingly!

Post # 184
Member
2998 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

phillygirl93 :  eff him! What a lying jerk, he will be “chilling” all by himself when he loses you in a few months.  I would love to see the look on his face when he finds out. Who do these men think they are!  Please don’t be sorry you posted here. There are *always* some judgemental/ negative people but the majority of us are rooting for you!

Post # 185
Member
613 posts
Busy bee

sunburn :  

Uh, you realized you limited your selection pool to PEOPLE WHO POST ON A BOARD ABOUT WAITING FOR A PROPOSAL? So your study of causation is…to put it mildly…a  little off. Nobody who moved in and happily decided to get married (or that the relationship wouldn’t work) in a perfectly ordinary sense is posting in such a location. As a person who lived with my fiancee for years before proposing to him (yeah women of the world, that’s a thing you can do, you know) I found it necessary and helpful to make sure we were a good match. It gave me the comfort and knowledge I needed to be sure this relationship works for me. Happily getting married in three weeks! 

Post # 186
Member
4341 posts
Honey bee

personaperson :  Sigh. All these assumptions. I’ve taken statistics, gotten an A, and my father was a statistician, so I grew up with it. No need to lecture about sample size and origin.

Final thought: It’s not always about you.

Post # 187
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

phillygirl93 :  I just finished reading through this gongshow and, first off, just want to say that my heart hurts for how you’ve been crapped on in various posts on here while exercising your right to vent in what is supposed to be a supportive place. Secondly, I don’t think what you’re doing is wrong at all – you’ve been emotionally manipulated with a proverbial carrot hanging on a string for too long, that your guy has held the stick for, without regard for the impact on your mental well-being. You can only put up with so much emotional torture for so long before you snap; you’re human. Lastly, until you’ve been in TRUE financial dire straights, people really can’t comprehend being “stuck” and will thoughtlessly blab out how *easy* it is to just leave… I’ve been stuck, and I understand what you’re saying. For me, I was 19 and paying my college tuition alone on a credit card (the only way I could manage to put myself through school as I didn’t qualify for financial aid) which more often than not was maxed out, working full time and studying my absolute hardest while being stuck in a terrible living situation barely scraping by each month. Going home was not an option, nor was saving more than a few dollars at a time and praying that no emergencies would pop up. There are times when leaving is simply not an option and unless they’ve been there themselves, nothing you say will truly allow them to understand. You’re in my thoughts and I will look for your updates and hope that all will work out for you.

Post # 188
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

phillygirl93 :  if this is your mentality I don’t blame him for not marrying you. Some peoples do things that hurt others unintentionally but you’re purposely getting joy from it. That’s immature and wrong. You aren’t ready for ANY relationship and definitely not a marriage!

Post # 189
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

DoubleD :  I agree to the millionth degree. OP has had this “haha wait till he finds out” attitude the whole time. Some other bees tried to call her on it but she got all defensive. There’s an update thread that has the very same feel to it. One of joyous manipulation and “little does he know…” stuff in it. 

I agree that this situation SUCKS. OP has given many things to her SO and he has not followed through on his promises. She deserves a relationship where she’s not the one making all the compromises. I can’t imagine being in a place personally and financially where you are trapped. BUT the attitude and vindictiveness of OP is so nasty to me. 

Post # 190
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

3 more months now? How is it going?

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