- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
It all started out just about a year ago. I met my “fiance” through friends. Our first date was a complete hit off. It was something different. It was something I wanted. It was amazing. Through more dates, and more frequent spending time together, I fell in love with him, like he did me.
Let me tell you a little about him. His name is Travis. 37 years old. Worked at a counseling center, and now works at a auto parts place…due to complications for his last job. He is a very straight forward guy, who will fix anything, any problems, and thrives to make people happy. Like myself. He would do whatever it takes. He plays around with me, and he’s an all around amazing guy. The only thing is he has been divorced 3 times before me. Twice, because he was cheated on. And once, cause the lady was upset with the money he was making. (not enough)
Me: I am 19 years old. Full time college student, with a part time job. Moved away from my family to live with him. Never had I ever had such an amazing boyfriend as him.
When we first started dating we were madly in love. And the love would get deeper and deeper. We watched movies, played video games, went on trips, bought a puppy, fished, we do everything together. I was there for him when his father died. We remodeled a little of the house together. We really connected.
The first arguement we had, was over a guy who messaged me in the middle of the night. It was on facebook, and I was up scrolling through news feed because I could not sleep at all. I had my chat on. So of course, this guy messaged me. This guy, was a very very close friend of mine, who wanted to date me before, but I refused to. I would never want to be with this guy, because I found nothing of him attractive. We talked about being up late. And that was it. Just some hi how are ya? good? why areyou up? cant sleep type deal. and that was it. my boyfriend was so upset over that….he couldn’t get turned on, when I wanted to be passionate in bed with him. He got upset. The way he found out, is because he took my phone and looked through it. (which he did all the time, behind my back). I don’t have anythng to hide on it, it just bothers me how sneaky he is with it. Anyways, this guy that messaged me new I was in a relationship and congratulated me on it. He is a super good friend, and that’s it.
The next arguement we had, was over a girl (who is married) was texting him, and I got upset, and was asking questions about him and her and his past. He changed stories so many times, that I finally just lost it and asked. He had tried to cover up for her to save her butt. and then he said how stupid he was for doing it…started calling himself names. And that really hurt me, and really put up a red flag. But I wanted this relationship to work.
The next few times we argued is because guys who message me. I turn down all of them, and he still gets mad. I told him that I’m sorry I can’t control what they say or think, but that he should at least be happy and appreciate that I turn them down because I have you.
Overtime, trust in our relationship has gone down hill. Especially after seeing him go through my phone, and asking him about it (and then he lies). I don’t feel as passionate in love with him. I feel like everything I do is for him. The sex…the showering together…I do it all for his pleasure. He’s a great guy, and I love him. But I feel like there is just something not right in the mix. The thought of getting married to someone who loves me, but I’m unsure about, scares me.
And he proposed to me 2 days ago. And just a few days before I was questioning our relationship and how I wanted to maybe make a change. I feel like I’m working really hard to stay in love and to make this relationship work. I feel like I’m giving up and losing a lot of myself just to keep him happy.
Why I said yes? I’m not sure. I think it was just the pressure of my family being there, and it was so unexpected…I just didn’t want to hurt and embarass him in front of all my family. I need to sit down and to talk to him about this but I don’t know how to go about it. I don’t even know what the right thing to do at this point is…The ring is beautiful, the whole thing, I know he had to be brave. But I am feeling so regretful and so worried. What do I do? What should I say?
I almost just wish I was in a dream that I could just wake up from.