Im engaged but my family thinks I\'m too young to be married.

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Can’t say that I blame your family, you have a lot of going against you.  Military families have the highest divorce rate, plus your age makes it an even higher rate, and he has cheated in the past.  Now I know that doesn’t necessarily mean you will be a statistic, but they are statistics for a reason.

Post # 62
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

ovoyles44 :  I think you need to print this thread and read it again when you’re 25.

Post # 63
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

well you are too young and your SO cheated on you … so listen to your parents. 

Post # 64
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

How are you “financially secure” at age 18?  There are many things you write in your post that just proves your parents’ point that you are too immature to get married.

Post # 65
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

At 18, I didn’t listen to anything my parents told me and I thought they were wrong. At 25, I wanted to go back and smack 18 year old me for not listening to them sooner. They’re trying to protect you. The statistics are against you and for good reason. I got married at 22, and there were days where I thought I was way too young, luckily we’re still happily married but it is WORK. Marriage isn’t a fairy tale 24/7 and at 18, I thought relationships were supposed to be all roses all the time. Listen to your parents. Slow down. You don’t have to break up with this guy but don’t rush to get married. 

Post # 66
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

Michelle31096 :  And if she is mature, (and age has little to do with that), she will neither get married to spite her own family, or demand that they approve, which, as you point out, is not part of the deal.  But the “it’s MY life” routine only goes so far.  It’s not only the bride’s life, if family has to, wants to, pick up the pieces should things fall apart.

Post # 67
Member
6635 posts
Bee Keeper

ovoyles44 :  First, do not for one minute count on the military paying for your education, no matter what the recruiters said, no matter what you think you have in writing. Do you have enough savings to pay for it on your own? It can be very challenging to get work near military bases and some employers may not want to hire an employee who may have to move at the whim of the US Govt. 

I’m not going to comment on your age, plenty of Bees have covered that. Are you living independently now? Paying rent/mortgage, utilities, auto, auto & health insurance, phone, everything else, with established credit, no debt, and a solid four-six months’ expenses in savings? Retirement savings? If not, you are not “financially stable”. 

How do you feel about divorce? As a divorced, single mom who always said divorce was not an option–sometimes it is your only option. Marriage is hard. Teenage marriage is harder. Double the difficulty again when the military is your life. 

The military can change people–what do you have to lose by giving your Fiance a chance to work through a year or two of what that reality is while you pursue your education? You have a LOT to gain, including, possibly, the respect of your family for making the responsible decision. You can’t change their minds, only they can change their minds. As a military brat and the parent of an 18 year-old I encourage you to approach this from an adult perspective, with adult concerns and make the responsible, adult choice to wait at least a year or two. If you are meant to be together you will have lost nothing. If things fall apart you have saved yourself years of heartache and worse.

Post # 68
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My family thought I was too young when I got engaged at 22, but they would’ve prefered I wait until I was 30 to get married (lol!). Parents are going to be protective- you’re their baby no matter how old you are, and they want to protect you. Marriage is one of the biggest decisions in a person’s life, and parents don’t like to take gambles on something that big. But, like you’ve said, it comes down to you and your decision. If you think you’re ready and that this is the person you’re going to be with for the rest of your life, then it shouldn’t matter what your parents think.

On the military note, my fiance and I looked into that option for a while, and I would say DEFINITELY get married before he gets too far into it. There will never be a guarenteed time to set a wedding date, and you will not get to see him often. Military wives often suggest doing a quick courthouse marriage for this reason. With some luck, you can have a big celebration later on down the road. Also, being a military wife really limits your career options due to you moving around, so make sure you also think about what you want out of your life aside from just marriage. If you want to be a housewife and mother, no problem, but if you want to work a traditional job, consider what  you’re giving up.

Post # 69
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just the fact that you feel you need your parents approval and permission proves that you are too young. Please listen to these wise women and their stories. 

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