Post # 1
Ok.. I am getting married in 1 month and I am 4 months pregnant and have a beautiful 3 year old.. A beautiful home and a great life. I have been with my fiance for 7 years… Before we met I dated a guy off and on for a few years we started dating when I was 19 (I am now 30) … I was absolutly crazy over him.. but I always knew he wasnt right .. he could never really commit and though we always had lots of fun it never felt like a serious relationship should but we were for sure best friends… I always felt the only way I could ever get over him and truly be with someone else was to move away… So I moved away and met my now fiance who I have been with for 7 years now.. My ex and I talked a little bit during the first 3or 4 years my fiance and I were together a few emails texts and maybe 2-4 phone calls a year just to catch up… When I got pregnant with my now 3 year old I wanted to move back home to be closer to my family… I didnt feel it wouldn’t be right for me to talk to my ex while living back in the same city so I stopped talking to him altogether when we moved back to my home… I have only run into him about 10 times in the 3 years since I have been home but when I do I litterly shake and feel sick… I then think about him for days and sometimes I feel I miss him so much it actually makes me cry.. I dream about him usually a few times a month..(I have pretty much since I met him) I love my fiance hes an amazing dad, he treats me great and our life is pretty much perfect.. I would never actually want to get back together with my ex.. I just really am unsure what to do.. its been 8 years since we have been together I have no idea why I still feel like this can anyone shed some light for me? Why do I feel like this and how can I make it stop?
Post # 2
How is it possible to just “run into” someone 10 times in 3 years? It sounds to me like someone (not sure if it’s you or him) is deliberately trying to make these meetings happen.
You’ve done the right thing by cutting off contact with him (which you should have done as soon as you broke up), but also avoid him if you happen to see him.
Post # 3
We live in a small town and have some similar friends (ie weddings) … We do not speak when we are at the same places.
Post # 4
You’re probably nostalgic for the easy, responsibility-free first love thing. That is not what things would be now. Eventually the little pangs of excitement you feel when you see him or talk to him would turn into day-to-day stuff. You’d argue about taking care of kids and dishes and money. You’re not over a fantasy, not this actual man.
Post # 5
seeker: +1 I think this is a really good response.
For a lot of people, there is something truly special and unique about your first love. It has a different sort of intensity, so it’s completely normal to remember it with such fondness. In this situation, you have the added complication of not ever having the reality of the relationship (since he wasn’t ready to commit) set in after the honeymoon/novelty phase so although you broke up, your feelings about him never really changed, just faded a bit over time. The way you remember the feelings are not how they would be if you ever were to have a long-term relationship with this man.
The only real problem here is that you’re bothered by the way it makes you feel. Try and cut yourself some slack and be compassionate. Remind yourself you understand why you feel that way and that it’s ok and normal. They say that pain x resistance = suffering, and this really is true. Once you sit with the feelings for a little bit instead of trying to fight them, I suspect it won’t bother you nearly as much.