(Closed) I'm falling apart and my MoH is backing out…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
11418 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you’re paying for her expenses, I’m not sure I understand why she cannot be in both weddings.

Post # 4
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@iMechie:  i’m sure that she is in a tough situation where she doesn’t want to disappoint family.  maybe her parents are on her about it too.

the weddings are not the same day and you have already agreed to take care of her financial responsibilities for your wedding.  what more does she really have to do?  are your expectations too much for showers, bachelorette, dress shopping, errands, etc too much for her. 

if you really want her to be apart of your day, perhaps you can lighten her responsibilities to just pick a dress and show up.

Post # 5
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Brielle:  +1,

is your wedding or her cousin’s a DW?

Post # 6
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Brielle:  Maybe she feels like just physically she can’t commit to both as there mey be too much stuff required. Plus if she backed out…… You can’t make someone want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Personally I wouldn’t see a problem. She is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the other wedding so she really doesn’t have that much to do.

Post # 9
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

had no clue was Destination Wedding was either then it clicked: destination wedding!

Post # 11
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@iMechie:  Have you expressed to her how much it would mean to you to have her remain as MOH? Have you asked her if she has any other reservations about being in your wedding party besides the proximity of the Aug. 2013 wedding to yours, or is she just using that wedding as an excuse to back out of your wedding when there are other reasons? It seems if she really wanted to, she could work it out, so I don’t understand what the trouble is. She’s already committed to helping you and although family is family and I respect that, I also respect keeping one’s word. I hope she’ll reconsider. Maybe you can ask her what would it take to make her feel better about it. Maybe delegate bridal shower or bachelorette duties so she doesn’t feel so swamped by them? Things like that might make a difference for her.

Post # 13
467 posts
Helper bee

Aww, I’m really sorry.  That stinks.  Do you have someone else you might be able to ask?

She may rethink it.  I was a Maid/Matron of Honor and a bridemaid in two out of town wedding last summer that were only 4 weeks apart.  It wasn’t too bad.  I actually declined the Maid/Matron of Honor position because I was already in a wedding that summer and broke, broke, broke, but the bride guilted me into accepting.  In the end I was broke, broke, broker, but I had a fun time.  Maybe you can do the same thing? 🙂

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