(Closed) I’m feeling a bit like a failure

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@keepsmiling19: sounds like you are crazy stressing! And with the mom thing, it sounds like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder with her. It doesn’t sound like any kind of competition, but is there something going on you didn’t post? Sometimes there is more background than the op gives and its hard to judge the situation. Does he say things that make it sound like “Why didn’t you do this?”

with the pizza-dont sweat that you didn’t think of it, just be glad someone made him feel a little better!

Maybe the next time he calls freaking just listen, tell him you love him and know he will be great no matter the outcome.

Post # 4
27 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m sending you a virtual hug right now! Don’t feel like a failure and don’t beat yourself up. I don’t think there was a competition, and look at it from a different perspective: you and his parents don’t need to compete to try to make him feel better, from the sounds of it, you and his mom were his supports and the people he wanted to talk to. It doesn’t matter who sent the pizza, as long as it helped your fiance. 

And as far as the weight loss plan, the week is over. Tomorrow (or Monday depending on how you see the week starting!) is a new week! Not to be totally cheesy, but keep smiling like your name says! πŸ™‚

Post # 5
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@keepsmiling19: Your Not a failure; In fact I think you really tried to go the extra mile for your FI- and I think thats pretty amazing in itself. You put him first, you tried your best, and thats what matters most

Secondly, since I am in academics myself, I know how hard it is- when the dust settles your Fiance will know that you were there- to give that extra bit of reassurance, no matter how much he seemed down on himself. He’s going to be worked up for a while, but when it finally calms down for him, he’ll look around and see what you tried to do for him

Dont underwrite your efforts just because you didnt think of something first or his parents thought of it first. Its not a competition dear, they’re his family and your his family too now- its amazing that this one individual has such an amazing support system- BOTH you and his mum and pop. You also have to remember that this support system is also yours now- and that they hopefully will be there for the both of you when you wed and start a life together. Who comes first, or second wont matter, and it shouldnt now either. Support is support, no matter where it comes from

You did your best, and so did his parents. Take comfort in the fact that you and them love your Fiance so much, and that your coming into such a supportive situation.

As for your weight plan, I know how you feel! I just started mine and I wont lie- its been a week- and its been freakn hard! I commend you for sticking to yours, first off, and also suggest that should you have hit a plateau, either double check what your consuming (high salt content? High in sugar?- all retains water and makes it harder) as well as up the reps or resistance of your weight or cardio training πŸ™‚

Im currently on calorie count.com -check it out! Its a great resource!

I hope that helps!

Post # 7
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry you’re feeling bad. I just wanted to tell you that I know that you felt like it was a competition that you lost, but that isn’t the case. You are part of a team (family)…a team that has the same goal…to make Fiance feel better. Everyone does what they can to achieve the goal. In the future there will be times that you are the person that figures out what to do. It’s a combined effort.

As far as the weight loss plan…it is very hard to commit sometimes. Just keep trying!!! At least you didn’t gain, right? Find something that motivates you and use it! My motivation is simply to be healthy and in-shape, but maybe you should post a picture of your wedding dress or bikini as your computer screensaver so that everytime you get on the computer you remember what you’re dieting for. Or maybe this just isn’t the right diet for you? Find something that you think you could stick with…there’s so many diets out there:)


Post # 9
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@keepsmiling19: not a problem at all! I love caloriecount.com πŸ™‚ you can sign up and log in all your info and what not- its alot easier than it sounds, trust me, but if your coming off a point system like WW already, Im sure you can pick it up in no time!

πŸ˜€ All the best! And indeed, keep smiling lol!

Post # 10
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I didn’t read through all the posts but you are absolutely not a failure. So his parents ordered him pizza? You did your absolute best to be supportive and that’s what counts. He has a supportive fiance and family. As a fellow dieter I know how much it sucks to not have a great week- but tomorrow is another day πŸ™‚

  I find the best way to calm my husband down before he does something big is to remind him he’s the best at what he does, the handsomest, and the most endowed (he may not be all of those things, but it makes him smile and I swear he believes it when I say it even though he shyly says, “no i’m not..”:)

Post # 11
348 posts
Helper bee

Honey, I am also getting a Ph.D., and it is just stressful.  This is something you can’t fix for him.  You can be there, and be supportive, but ultimately he has to deal with it on his own.  So you need to work on ways that you can be supportive, but not take it on as your burden to fix. And competing with his parents isn’t going to make you feel better about it.

Post # 12
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m glad you’re feeling better about this! Sounds like you are marrying into a great family. Stay strong (LDRs can be so difficult sometimes) and know that all of this work/stress will pay off. Also remember that it’s all about the journey and try to enjoy your time as an engagee and student πŸ™‚

Post # 13
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You are not solely responsible for your FI’s mental state. This is a lesson I’m still learning. If he’s stressed out, got depression, has bad anxiety—anything—all you can do is help as best you can. The rest is up to him.

You’re not a failure because you couldn’t cheer him up. You can’t magic away all the stress of this meeting, you can only be there to listen, support and love him no matter what happens.

If you were really stressed about something, would you think he was a failure if he couldn’t make it all better? No. You’d just be grateful for what he tried to do because it shows how much he cares.

As for the weight loss, sometimes, there are weeks when just not gaining any weight is a victory. Don’t beat yourself up about it and remember that in order to keep your metabolism up and your willpower strong, it’s important to eat a little extra sometimes. It sounds like you’re doing a good job.

Good luck!

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